Saturday, July 14, 2007

Last Supper

So Mom talked about diet and nutritiion the whole way down to Jakes, then she wanted me to bring the leftovers home in case I got hungry. I don't think she's quite with the program yet. She wants to get a list of foods I can have. When I told her in the beginning it's a texture thing, she began thinking of all the things she can grind up.

My mother feels about food the way I feel about, oh snakes-excited and wanting to learn everything there is. It has something to do with living in the depression, being poor, and made to feel fat by the popular culture. I feel about my mother the same way-suddenly I want to learn everything there is-without judging, just letting her be and trying to understand.

We, or maybe just me (but I don't think so) burden our parents with a lot of shoulds-this is how they should be to please me. This is how I wish they were-then MY life would be perfect. Yet I am the same person who held up a snake in the air to admire her belly, and laughed at a 7 foot python because she was in a bad mood and struck at me. Somethings not quite right about that.

My lap band is not going to be a solo journey. Food is like this major battle between Mom and me, as well as body image. But like me holding up the snake-maybe she really just wants to hold ME up and look and try to understand.

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