Friday, July 31, 2009

New Ground

Ok, I'm putting it out here, in semi-public.  When I journey fourth in October, I'm not going to retrace any steps.  AAAAGH.  That means no Philly, NYC or DC.  If I want to go there later, I can, but the whole purpose of the road trip is to see new things.   AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.

There is an entire country between here and there.  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH.   How will I ever fall in love with new places if I keep going back to old places I love...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH. 

The shortest route is weird-it goes up through Buffalo and then back down to Mass.-probably has something to do with all them thar mountains.  The other benefit (to me) is that if I go that way I won't be tempted to divert to the other places.  I'm just not sure Canada and Niagara falls  could be as wonderful as the Smithsonian.

You guys help keep me strong please.  Everyone of those other towns has frequent plane fare sales and I could go for a long weekend quite easily.....but it's very hard to be near them and not partake.  I really want to spend the week I'm in Provincetown IN Provincetown, as near the shore as possible, snarfing as much seafood as I can hold.

But, I have that other 7 days....which could be divided into 4 hard driving days and 3 piddling days, or 7 semi-diligent days with one long side trip...........and about a thousand different routes.

I've got to have some plan-knowing it will be a loose plan because I'm so easily sidetracked when on the road.  And I'm giddy with the whole 2 week thing.  I've traveled a lot, but I don't think I've ever been away and not touched base for two whole weeks.  And, my hospital experience this year proved the dogs could board for a lengthy time and not be forever scarred.  Oh, this is dangerous knowledge.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Blogland Lane-is Number 13 taken?

For starters, I'm going to replicate The Winchester Mystery House for my own blogland house.  I visited the house in San Jose when I was a little girl, and I loved it, I got it, I completely understood it, and I also understood that while Sarah may have been eccentric, I don't think she was crazy.  She was just rich enough to do exactly what she wanted.  At least that's the feeling I got, despite what the guide was telling me.

Of course, I will start with a replica-we'll just leave Sarah's house as it was when she died.  In real life, my own house has been in a constant state of flux since I moved in.  Going from bigger to smaller is great in theory, but harder to do in practice.  But, enough of that reality stuff.

See that rounded section behind the Palm tree?  The lower floor is a nice open airy sitting room, comfortable no matter what the season.  All the couches and chairs are on rollers, to make reconfiguring for conversations,  dining, etc. a snap.  Pull up a couch and stretch out for awhile, or take a nap.  Lots of windows for napping in the sun, just don't disturb the cat-she doesn't like it.

People who spend time here tend to claim a chair or couch for their own-and if you walk by, you can almost feel their presence.  Human Being's chair is the overstuffed, comfy one with a blanket tossed over the back.  We miss her when she's not here.

The upper floor of the turret is set up for creativity!  There is a writing nook, art supplies, tables, a sink and over in the corner-a trash chute, making clean up a lot less annoying for both artist and maid.  Instead of a solid door, there is a screen door that invites people in-along with a cat door mid way up.  Some door is needed or the dogs would have art supplies strewn everywhere, but it's in everyone's best interest to allow the cat free, uninterrupted passage to the big bank of windows.

It's a big house, we'll continue the tour later.  Welcome to the neighborhood!

Thursday 13-Oh By the ways....

These are things I never work into the actual posts.  I thought of the first one yesterday, and the concept for this post-  The rest I'm just going to let flow.

1. I'm working with Oliver the parrot with a focus on real verbal communication-he's never rewarded for "speaking".  Sometimes he just babbles because he likes the sound, sometimes he clearly intends to communicate.  Since I can't get into his head, I count intent to be when I receive the "message".  It's quasi science at best, but it amuses the heck out of me.

2. Oliver, through this blog and me, has also "communicated" with you guys.  I bet you look at a grape and think "craps" sometimes.  Communication is powerful and strange and fascinating.

3. Molly, the red border collie, is having the worst teenage spell of any dog I've had in ages-she rivals Prissy and Dottie in terms of being a stubborn, vexing diva.  This only fuels my curiosity-the great ones are always difficult.

4. Moon, my blue merle BC, has to be kept mentally engaged or he will start in with OCD behaviors-licking a chrome water bowl and whining for one.  It's common with the breed and also common with smarter animals in general.

5. Godfather, my pinstripe ball python is ready to breed!  Unfortunately, my females are not and he's a little frustrated.  Most breeders breed their females when they hit a certain weight, but I believe it best to wait until they hit the AGE they would have hit the weight in the wild.  Godfather believes I am full of shit.

6. Lucy and Ethel, Godfather's brides to be, are two fairly rare (but less so now) color morphs called "clowns".

7.  There are probably less than a 100 of Diego's type of snake-a half dwarf color morph burmese made between a naturally occurring dwarf species and selective bred color morph "full size" burmese.  His sister carries the gene, but does not display the color trait.  Interesting (to me) -ly enough-she is the smaller snake (and as a female "should" be larger).  I freely admit I don't have a real plan as to what I intend to do with them, but I'd like to make a snake that hasn't been done before.  (No babies created will be rehomed to any but the best and most honorable homes-I would rather give an animal to a good home than sell one to a bad home).

8.  I've had the parakeets since last fall sometime, and I just noticed that one of the green ones has a different back pattern from the other one.  Since Waylon and Willie passed away, I  think of the parakeets as "the boys", and can approach them if I look at the entire group.  Focusing on one bird only freaks them out, but looking at them as a group-they will allow me to put my hand in the cage to clean, etc. without a fuss.

9. My father actually pulled me aside, sat me down and told me he was proud of me.  It was such a huge event, and it was a big deal, but trying to write a post about it made it seem to be in some ways bigger than it was.  I always KNEW he loved me, I just wanted to hear it.  It was actually terribly awkward for both of us, but I think he was proud of himself for doing it too.  Those are the moments I moved back here for-growth for all of us, not just me.

10. I took my parents to the Senior Day at the Casino and Mom and I won about 250$ on the penny machine.  I gave Daddy 20 (I didn't think he'd take more) because I am superstitious and when I win I always share it with someone who hasn't won.  As a result (I believe) I win quite frequently-but I never tested it by betting more.  I always gamble with the mindset "I'll play 20 dollars and then quit".  I did gamble 500 dollars away once in Vegas-my biggest scandal!

11. I got new glasses.  I was so glad to get rid of the old ones-last year I tried stepping out and getting some "fabulous" and glittery Diore or something that just wasn't me.  One pair I promptly lost.  The other pair I hated and wore dutifully.  This year instead of getting bifocals I got readers only because I figured out I could lose 4 pair for the cost of one bifocal pair.  Because I have to remove my glasses to see at a distance, I focus much better.  I bought a glittery leash for the ones I really like and I wear them around my neck. At first I was horrified by it all, and now, for some weird reason I like it-I feel as if I am "owning" my age.

12. I used to be blind as a bat distance wise, but Lasik fixed that.  It truly was never for vanity (or I don't think it was since I still wore bifocals most of the time).  Three of the things I like best-snorkeling, biking, horseback riding-are difficult with glasses.  It also freaks the snakes and birds out sometimes-that shiny thing on the face.  But I liked the glasses because I feel "hidden" behind them.  I used to pull them off in meetings and give a level Scorpio stare when I needed to make a point-to great effect.  If I sat my glasses down on the table and looked you in the eye, you'd better listen!

13.  Twelve reminded me of another strange but logical habit.  Unlike most women, the madder I get, the lower my voice goes.  If I am shrieking-everyone, the birds, the dogs, people-know they are safe.  If I drop it down and began to speak slow-it's time to listen up!  It's a habit I've cultivated with the dogs and training-because in group situations most people are using the high pitch, I drop lower and the dogs can hear me through the crowd.  They don't always listen.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

HAW-Bath Time for ME ME ME

The woman had the shiny thing out again-but she also had a new squirt squirt bottle and I got my MIST!!!!!! Misting is very important to me-I love it, love it, love it. I'm happy while it's happening and for a long long time afterward. YEEEEEES!

You can tell I'm happy by the happy noises I make-although the woman is pretty noisy too.  I LIKE noise.  Quiet is very unnerving to me, unless I want to sleep, then I want it very very quiet.

The dogs don't like the squirt bottle-the prefer a tub bath to mist.  They don't seem to like it much when I dump MY tub on them....ha hah haaaaaaaaaaaa.  Me, I think it's funny as heck.

I hope someone you love gives you a good squirt today.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

KMAT-What Mantis Doesn't tell you.....

From the Mantis Customer Service Department:

Thank you for your email.  The one year return policy is not in effect for items purchased online through other establishments. 

Customer Service Representative
Mantis, LITTLE WONDER, and Classen
Now, according to this long winded notice-I CAN distribute this because I AM the intended recipient.  And, as such I want to tell the world that if you buy a high priced Mantis Electric Mower from in March, you cannot return it past April.  Mantis does not honor their famous "try it risk free" for anything they did not sell.  Of course they never mention this in their television or print ads.

So I am stuck with a really expensive, really awkward pair of electric shears-a weed whacker would cut the lawn better, and my lawn is tiny. The only green thing about this is the money Mantis gets, because I will have to go buy another lawn mower that will do the job.

I put the number to the customer service department up and invite anyone reading this to call Mantis and tell them to Kiss My Ass (or your ass if you'd rather). I really don't care whose ass they kiss as long as they pucker up well and often.

I'm going to send a link to the Mantis Customer service department as well, they may wish to kiss their own asses.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Happy Birthday Heather-Wherever you are

30 (good LORD) years ago today I gave birth to my daughter, Heather.  We had about 18 years together before hormones and drugs took over-the last few years weren't that great to be honest.

I left Dallas and went to grad school, she stayed in Dallas and did drugs.  A few years ago she had a baby of her own-I've seen one picture.  I haven't laid eyes on my daughter in several years, and it has been a few less than several since I've spoken with her on the phone.

It wasn't an easy parting for either of us.  But it was necessary for me to let go and not be used.  She couldn't seem to stop using, drugs or me, and I wouldn't allow that any longer.

Yet, if someone handed me a magic wand and said "you could make it all never have happened" I wouldn't.  Some of the really shitty things that happened helped make me who and what I am today-and not all of those things ended badly.

A few years ago, on Heather's birthday-I got a call from Mom telling me John was sick and needed help.  We all know how that went, and that I wouldn't change that for anything either.

Whatever my life has been or will be, it has been MINE-warts and bumps and joys and all.  That thing we wish we had-the sitcom, Normal Rockwell pretty life, doesn't exist, at least for people who step outside into the real world once and awhile.

This is always a weird day for me-I think not only of my daughter, but my mother, and my role as a daughter in the big cosmic progression of things.  And one of the conclusions I always draw is that I am not DONE yet.  For that matter, neither is my mother-she still has things to do. Wherever she is, I hope my daughter does too and her daughter as well.

Sometimes I worry I'm going to get a call that says to come pick up a body.  Sometimes I worry that I won't get that call if it happens.  It amazes me how much of myself  I have invested in people, only to have to let them go.  Even more amazing, is that I continue to do it.

Nothing lasts, but that's part of what makes the time you have with someone so very special.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Six Word Saturday

yesterday I fed an alligator.......twice.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Starbucks 1-Eat the Fucking Fruit

I have become mildly addicted to afternoon Jeopardy-I love trivia, I love to be distracted from my recent (perpetual?) gloom. The other day clue involved a portrait of Tantalus, reaching for that low hanging fruit. For the first time, I felt no sympathy for Tantalus, no kinship. Frankly, he pissed me off, stuck under that tree when with a little effort, he could grab the apple or whatever it was. What the hell WAS it? The apple was Eve-and she got into all kinds of trouble....I digress.

Today I decided to start grabbing at some fruits I have that I haven't reached for. Many of them, like Tantalus's prize, are within easy reach, I just, for whatever reason, won't do it. But I'm tired of spending all day trying to figure out why I won't. So, I'm just going to start grabbing fruit and see what happens. Maybe nothing will happen. Maybe the world will end tomorrow and it won't matter. Maybe maybe maybe.

So, this post starts my Starbuck series of posts-writing at Starbucks is something "I always wanted to do" but never actually did a whole lot of. Why, I do not know. I go to Starbucks a lot. I've been wireless and mobile for eons. I have time. I have a car. You get the picture? If not, don't worry, I don't either, not really.

I've pretty much proven to myself that I can beat myself up just fine on my own. Now it's time to see if I can lift myself up the same way.

Thursday 13 Odd Facts/Habits

We all have odd habits and factoids about ourselves. At least I HOPE we all have odd habits or I'm going to feel really really odd when this is posted.

1. In the summer I don't like to wear socks with my sneakers (chiggers---nasty bugs) so I pretty much keep an assortment of sneaks around and wash them like I do my jeans. I always have shoes drying on my fence which gives rise to rumors of having a shoe fetish.

2. I've ditched the coffee maker and brew one cup at time, so that each cup is fresh. I don't think this is odd, I think it's pretty smart, but it is wasteful in terms of filters-so I compost the grounds and filters. Sorry mother earth, I really NEED fresh coffee in a non bleached paper filter.

3. This isn't necessarily an odd habit-but it varies from individual-the staples once must have in the kitchen/home. I require (to feel "just so") vast supplies of toilet paper, a jar of peanut butter, tins of tuna (works for people, cat and dog food), garlic powder, several kinds of chili powder and sweet california basil, tins of crushed tomatoes, fresh carrots, onion and a few potatoes. I don't remember the last time I ran out of toilet paper, but I must have at one time, and keeping a supply on hand, near at hand, is priority one.

4. I truly enjoy anchovies on pizza and in other things. My favorite pizza for a long time was anchovy, onion, fresh tomato, jalapeno and garlic. No one would ever share. And yep, I like it cold too. Shocking, I know.

5. I like really burnt toast and french fries.

6. I am not afraid of spiders and they seem to search me out. If we are in the woods, the spider will always come sit on my arm in a crowd of people.

7. My snakes (keeping snakes is considered odd by everyone by other snake keepers) all have names. They don't know their names, but I do.

8. I tried naming the parakeets, but they seem to be a group thing instead of individual entities-so I think of them as "the boys". I am pretty sure they don't give a damn either way.

9. No.s 7 and 8 are an example of how my mind is not orderly-I don't look at things the same way twice, which annoys some people and sometimes makes me tired.

10. I still haven't unpacked from when I moved to Oklahoma two years ago. A lot of the things I thought I needed, I found out I don't, and other things I forgot I had so I just bought new ones. To borrow a line from KJ-the "cat hair" is about making my house my house, that reflects my priorities, however by NOT doing anything, I've reflected another set of priorities. Like number 9-this annoys people, and me and sometimes makes me tired....LOL.

11. I've had more cars than I can count-I stopped counting at 40 and have now lost count. I think it beats saying the same thing about lovers.

12. I currently live 5 blocks from where I grew up-and this was a deliberate return. THAT still boggles even my mind.

13. I rarely go barefoot. (Long story, multiple glass accidents, no pad left in one foot.....)

What is something odd about YOU? Come on, share share share!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Happy Happy Happy HAPPY Animal Wednesday! Wooooooooo! Wooooooooooooo! Woooooooooo!!!!

Doncha just love it? It's MEEEEEEEEEE, me me me me me-Mister Bird, Mister Birdy Birdy Bird! It's so good to be me-and I get to be me every day of my life! I wake up, and LOOK-there I am, still me, still wonderful. Of course, other beings wake up and are NOT me, which might be bad except for the ones I live with-they get to be WITH me, which is second best to being me me me.

The woman bought some cherries this weekend and she made a terrible mistake. She brought the box out with her so she could put the pits in it (I can't eat pits). But all the furry dogs saw it, and they wanted some too. They can't eat pits either, so she had to stand there and pit her good good cherries for me me me and the dogs. HAW!

I like it when we all stand around eating the same thing. Of course, I also like it when I get to eat something no one else does. Yes yes yes. Dogs don't get craps.....heh heh! All for me me me!

The weather has been so nice sometimes I stay out all day and all night-I don't even come in for Toddler Tunes. I've been whistling a lot-sometimes I can hear the Macaw down the street. The woman says if I start to shriek I have to come in-so I don't shriek. I don't NEED to shriek. If I need to exclaim, I say "Good LORD! Lordy Lordy Lord" I don't need to squawk. If something startles me I say "Huh?"

Ha ha ha! It's so much fun to be me. I wish you could all be me for just a minute or two. Yes, I would share but only for a minute-then it's back to being ME ME ME!

The woman had a shiny thing she kept holding up between us. I don't understand that at all. We usually just have as stick for me to stand on. We'll have to see about THAT.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I must confess, I always get a little glimmer of anticipation and empowerment as I upload my ass for this post. Who or what shall I defy today-which is really Monday (sometimes Sunday) but will not be revealed until Tuesday?

A forum friend of mine accused me of "driving the Mustang of self delusion" when I admitted to going out sans bra if I were only going through a drive through....well, bras can kiss my ass. I really really hate those weird padded bras that are perfect round domes. They look like the tops you put over food at a fancy buffet.....OH, what do we have under HERE? Why look-it's a little bitty titty. Kiss My Ass.

I walk by displays in the stores and immediately feel inadequate and slightly disturbed by the notion that we are all supposed to have mass produced, conforming breasts. Who gets to decide what shape our boobies should be this season? Kiss My ASS fashionable boobie deciders.

In attempt to be open minded and fair-I bought one once. Wearing it reminded me of wearing knee pads for skating-it had the same foreign feel to it. I felt like Helga the Viking Queen, geared up to withstand the onslaught.....of what? With my tits? That makes no sense. Kiss My Ass.

Fashion in general can Kiss My Ass. I suck at it, always have, and I seem to be devolving rather the evolving as I get older. One of the big reasons I wanted to leave Corporate America behind was that I hated having to dress for work. Accounting is a back office thing-WHY do I have to put myself in a suit and heels (hah, like that happened recently) in order to rent my brain out for the day. And PANTY HOSE-Oh-kiss my ass kiss my ass kiss my ass.

They make no sense. I'm going to wear a skirt and show some leg, but then I'm going to cover it UP, but not really. And, while we all KNOW it's covered up, if there should be a run in it, revealing the cover up we all knew about-well that's just bad form. Oh for fucking crying out loud. I really do think women are still behind in the workplace in part due to all the stupid fashion rules we must adhere to. Some clever man probably thought that up to distract us. Kiss My Ass.

Fashion as a form of social control-and women fall for it and yes, I've fallen for it, in a rumpled sort of way. Even my lack of fashion is still a fashion statement of sorts. Inescapable. I can't NOT play, even if I walk around looking like a hobo's ass most of the time. Kiss MY Ass.

Monday, July 20, 2009

First time with Bone Trainer

(also, my first stab at a new camera)

Mustang and Garden

Always Day One

Today is always the first day of the rest of my life. It's over too quickly and then it starts again.
Shit-I HATE Mondays.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Get OUT of My Belly

I'm working out a recipe for a cooking contest. Yes, cooking contest. I set a goal to enter a few this year because it's so NOT me. Winning is beyond my control, but I have to feel like I put forth an honest effort.

Yesterday I worked on meat combos for a burger contest-I grilled chicken sausage, lamb and a hybrid of both. The hybrid actually won the taste test-but I had forgotten how lamb settles in the stomach and stays and stays and stays. By 10 pm I was so sick of the feelng of lamb in my stomach I fed the rest to the dogs-I literally couldn't stand the idea of ever eating it again.

The dogs support the cooking contest research by eagerly gobbling up the failures and test runs. It's now 11:17 (hah, my birthday) on Sunday, and I still feel like I have a belly full of lamb. Lamb lingers. I'm taking it off the running for my burger medium........BLECH.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Six word saturday-A mash up

less hope
hope full

So, why do we drop L?


never ending
endless eternal

Friday, July 17, 2009

What do you want to happen?

Yesterday Moon dog was barking at some workmen and as I was walking out I thought "I don't want him to bark at the workmen". Unfortunately, that isn't very helpful to either me or the dog or the workmen. In a rare moment of clarity, I thought for a minute about what I did want, and what I could do to achieve that outcome.

Instead of shouting NO NO NO, I said "come here Moon" and then began to pet him and praise him. He got so caught up in being the center of attention, he forgot all about barking. In fact, he glared at the still barking neighbor dog for interfering with our peaceful moment.

Then I walked in and surveyed my larder as it was lunchtime. And I thought "I don't want to get fat." and then it hit me how often I've over eaten and thought the same thing. So, fresh from dog training success, I tried another thought. "What do I want to happen?" Well, what I wanted to happen was an easy to prepare, filling lunch that would taste good but not weigh me down and fuel me for the remainder of the afternoon whilst I figured out the rest of my life or at least the rest of my day. I tossed a meat/veggie mixture on some pasta and gnoshed away, quite pleased.

The thing is, when you are busy thinking about what you WANT to happen, you aren't worried about what you don't want to happen, what might happen, or what could should or would happen. It's a little bit like the mountainbiking "Don't look at what you don't want to hit."

I've been applying that a lot lately with my animals, with pretty good success. You can't really tell an animal not to do something and be successful unless you give them something to do. If you give them something to do, you don't really need to tell them not to do the other thing-they stop automatically.

I wonder if the human brain works the same way.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Thursday 13 Things I've Tried (with results)

1. Blu Bandoo hat-that is supposed to keep you cooler on a hot day. I hate to say it-it does appear to work.

2. Billy May's Fly Catcher-I bought this in honor of the late great BM-but it sucked eggs. It stank a lot, the water turned brown, but no flies met their demise.

3. One of those European wipe the hair off your legs and underarms things-I couldn't put my arms down for days.

4. Furminator-I love it, and my dogs love it. It's just a fancy schmancy shedding blade, but it seems to be a little safer for the dog and handier for the human.

5. Sham Wow-a very high priced ugly towel, but Mom wanted to try them and wouldn't buy them, so I bought some and gave her mine. WOW.

6. Hercules Hooks-I'm always misplacing my hammer, so I do like these.

7. Zero Gravity Lounge chair 60 dollar knock off-SIXTY dollars for lawn chair. But I kept in in the living room when I was sick with my hernia-it was the only thing I could get the "right angle" to be able to sleep without choking to death.

8. Gator Grip-I have one and I've never used it-but dang it, I'm ready should I need to grip something! The one time I needed it, the neighbor rushed in with the properly sized metric tool. Oh well.

9. Pedi Paws-Ok, mine is made by dremel. I do like it much better than nail clippers and my dogs do too. But, if you already HAVE a dremel tool, just buy some sandpaper and use your dremel tool.

10. Spa towel....yes, it's a towel with a piece of velcro around it-and I LIKE it because it is less likely to drop unexpectedly.

11. Turby twist-fun, but totally unnecessary with my thin hair.....LOL. It does look nice with my spa towel though, although both never seem to be clean at the same time.

12. Crocs-I used to really like them, ugly as they are. But when watering the garden, etc, they get slippery and you can twist your ankle while inside your Croc, at least I can.

13. Grass Plugs Via Mail order-complete and utter waste of time, money and postage. I should have suspected something was up when the instructions began with "don't worry if your plugs appear to be dead" . Clever bastards KNEW I wouldn't write to them to admit I just plugged an entire lawn with dead grass plugs.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

HAW How You ARE?

Helllllllo! The woman found this in the old files-an oldie but a goodie. It's how she saw me when I first came to live her, flamboyant and bright. I bet she wouldn't change a thing-I'm still still still the brightest thing EVER!

Yes, me me MEEEEE, Mister Birdy Bird! I call for my craps, I ask for APPLE APPLE AP-PUL and I get my way always. You'd be happy to if you were so wonderful as I am, me me me, Mister BIRD, BIRRRRRRRRRD. And you'd believe you were wonderful as I do if you'd only quit waiting for someone to tell you that you are and just declare it for yourself.

Happy Animal Wednesday-and what are you waiting for?


A Shameful Confession

I have a bird "on the side" now. Oliver knew about Popeye-the resident African Grey at the bird feed store, but he didn't know about Cosmo, a Red Lored Amazon. I seriously adore that bird, in part because a friend of mine had one once, and I adored THAT bird too. And yesterday, I seriously thought about it.

But, I did not act. My house is small, and if the two didn't get along, it could be really awful. Amazons have a tendency to be a little screechy-and greys can mimic anything, and are notorious for being very possessive. Oliver is exceptional in that he gets along with the other animals, but I don't think he'd go for a similar sized bird who also talks and needs affection.

So, I will continue to see Cosmo when I make bird feed runs. We'll laugh and talk and flirt a bit. But then I'll come home to Oliver, happily and no regrets. Cosmo is the kind of bird that talks to ANYBODY-he's very outgoing. Oliver chose ME-and that makes him special.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

KMAT-Slow burn

HEAT DOME-Kiss My ASS and get off my state!

I really do try not to complain about the heat because I bitch SO much about the cold and damp. But an excess of anything is, well, too much. Triple digits in early July is not good. What's so weird is that it was unseasonably cool right before it turned unseasonably HOT.

What's amazing and annoying is that the heat dome settles right on top of us every year, and stays, and the weathermen try to make it "new and exciting" every day. Kiss My ASS attention whore weathermen. Yes when a tornado is bearing down on me, I want to hear from you. Explaining the Heat Dome, AGAIN, in the middle of a HEAT WAVE-well, that's just a waste of both our times. How on earth can someone take their allotted 15 minutes to tell us it's hot outside? Enough.

How hot is it? It's so hot the chickens are laying boiled eggs. It's so hot the Texans have moved to Hell.

It's so hot you don't need a match to light a fart. Hmmm, does that make kissing my ass a health hazard?

Getting bent out of shape about the weather is useless, and only mildly amusing. I'd much rather give a big KMA to the people who leave animals outside with no shade or water. It happens every year, and I can't help but think heat stroke is an icky way to go.

The good news is, no mud at the stable. The bad news is-too hot to do a damn thing there.....Oh yeah, heat, kiss my ass.

So, what's setting YOUR panties aflame these days?

Monday, July 13, 2009

Alone at Last

The last of the family left yesterday. This visit was not as traumatic, mainly because I decided it wouldn't be. It may have been harder on other people, I really don't know. I just know I kept myself out of the line of fire, and resigned as keeper of everyone's good feelings, not in an ugly way (I hope).

Does this ring true for anyone else? As a child, I just wanted everyone to be happy and get along, and anyone being upset also upset me. As an adult, I know now that that was not altruism, but the childish desire for everything to be ok. Family gatherings pull me back to that childish state, because the vision of perfection must be preserved at all times. But unreality is pretty much a waste of time, and probably harmful.

That's just me-I'm a tangible kind of girl for serious things-I like abstract for fun.

So, this time I grilled and cooked a lot. I got more family approval than I have ever received before, because I finally gave them something they could want and understand-burgers and steak. It's important to always be aware of your audience.

It didn't stop the "why" questions, but it kept them back considerably. That's the other reality, I am as much a mystery to my own family as I am to myself. But I'm learning, with them, to say "this is just how it is, let's move on."

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Six Word Saturday

Rush? No.
Regroup? Yes.
Renew? Always

Friday, July 10, 2009

Gone to the Spa

Just for half day, in town-much needed. Facial and massage, here I come!!!!!!!!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Parrot VS. Puzzle

I don't know HOW he did it-but Mr. Bird solved his puzzle. The peanuts were extracted, the puzzle removed from its chain, and then carefully placed in an empty food holder for a refill. Mr. Bird is very particular about the placement of certain items in his cage, so by placing it up high, and in a place of honor, he lets me know that he was either pleased with the puzzle, or more than likely, very pleased with himself.

We celebrated with a blueberry feast-all hail Oliver the Parrot!

I've ordered a terribly expensive (like 50 bucks please don't tell Mom) dog puzzle for the Border collies, because I really want to see if they can work it. Even I shuddered at the price, but the urge to know if it would work over rode common sense.

Thursday 13 Blasts from the Past

My brother showed me how to use a USB hard drive enclosure to recover things from my long dead lap top. Some of these you've seen, some you haven't.

1. Dottie-I still miss you my love.

2. Pasht-I'm glad you are still with me old girl. This was a few years ago.

3. Flower from a floral arrangement I got when I had surgery a few years ago.

4. Budding flower in my yard.

5, Succulent.

6. Top of Frankencactus (rest in peace).

7. Pretty Lucy-she's a lot bigger now but still very pretty.

8. Pretty Greta and her then new harness (long since destroyed by Cody).

9. Andy Warhol and a funny photographic accident. (Miss you funny little snake.)

10 A very rude tree in my backyard in Dallas.

11. Playing on photoshop-Chinese Food Nightmare.

12. The name on this file is Buggy-I have no idea why.

13. More silly play.

Old photos and files are fun-don't you think?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Haw Haw the sky didn't fall

Hellllllllooooooooooooo!  It's me, Mister Birdy Birdy Bird, yes Mister Bird.  Oh, did I get a good one in on Sunday morning.

The woman was sound asleep, and I made a phone ring noise-but just once.  She'd cuss, get up, look at the phone and go back to bed.  I'd wait, and do it again.....Ha ha ha......she hates getting up early and I love it when she gets mad.    Funny funny funny!

The holiday thing came and went.  People were popping firecrackers during a thunderstorm-YES YES YES.  I saw it!  I heard it.  I liked it a lot.

The woman got the furminator out-the Moon had the most fur-he really molted!  Lovely GREY fur.  I shared an apple with all the furry dogs.  They see ME get an apple, and they want one too.  Apple apple apple!  But that way, I always get FRESH apple-yum.  Sharing has it's good points, as long as I get my share first.

My yellow spray bottle broke-the woman better go get another fast-I need my MIST, MIST, GOOD MIST!!!!!!  Yes yes yes! Mist!

HAW, and I hope you get misted a lot and your fair share of apples apples apples!

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


Here's My Ass-Get Ready to Kiss It~

1. News media coverage of Michael Jackson.  He's DEAD.  END OF STORY, Kiss My ASS
2.  Ice cream-KMA and Get OFF My ASS-sheesh.
3. People who sneer at art-Kiss My ASS bigtime
4. Bugs on My Eggplants-Kiss my ass and DIE
5. Flies-Kiss My ass and DIE
6. FLEAS-Kiss My Ass and DIE
7. Sarah Palin-Kiss My Ass and shut the fuck up and quit trying to capitalize
on your single mom daughter.  It happens, you needn't get richer, you media whore.
8. Bare grass spots-Kiss My Ass and GROW DAMMIT
9. Family politics-Kiss My Ass and grow up
10. Unfilled Lapband-Kiss My ASS-I could eat a small molly mule.  

Today's KMA is sort of a tourette's syndrome of annoyance.  Feel free to chime in!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Blah Blah Blah

Blah blah blahity blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Know what I mean?

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Independence Day

Happy Fourth of July!  It's my parent's anniversary, also my niece's, a national day off work (with pay if you are fortunate) and probably the most grilling intense day other than Labor Day for all my fellow Americans.   Fireworks, beer and bratwurst abound.

Like many holidays, I think we get so caught up in the celebration, we forget why we are celebrating.  As a child, I thought we were celebrating "freedom from English rule" and probably the founding fathers WERE.  But that is long ago and far away.

Now, what I'd like for us to celebrate is how lucky we are to have choices.  Having grown up here, I forget how fortunate I really am.  I can post what I want to on this blog, dress how I want to, eat what I want to and when I want to.

I have the freedom to choose so very many things that others do not:
How I spend my time
My opinion on an event
What kind of work I'd like to do
Where I will work
What doctor I will see if I'm ill
If I will have children or not, or how many
If I will go to school, or not, or for how long
What I will study
What I will say, write, think or do
Where I will live

What saddens me a bit is that many Americans really don't see the choices that are available to them.  Choices don't mean that the things you want are given to you-life isn't a big pay one price and take all you want buffet.  But, we do have options that many do not have-even the option not to exercise them.

I don't always agree with everything we do as a country, but I am grateful for this country and the right to disagree.

Friday, July 3, 2009

My Own Private Waterloo

Such a simple thing to teach.  Except for me.  This week in Molly's class, we were instructed to work on STAY.  Molly was even used as a demo dog-and she got it.  So I am determined to get a good stay on Molly-my first ever good stay on a dog.

Stay is one of those things that seems simple, but is nuanced ad nauseam.   For a dog who is used to offering behaviors until the right one is offered, STAY can be disconcerting-the correct behavior is do nothing-remain in position.  It can be either sit or down, but whatever the command was prior to stay, THAT is position that you have to remain in.  So, lying down on a sit stay is a no no-even if you don't move forward.

As in life, doing nothing is often harder than doing something-and figuring out the right way to do nothing-well, that takes real effort.

Dear Molly is my practice dog-Moon HAS to have a great stay if he's going to do agility.  Both the start and the middle exercise (a sit stay or a down stay) have to be done correctly or the run will not qualify.  While Moon learns more quickly than Molly, he is also prone to "learning" something not exactly correct-Molly is more forgiving for trainer error.  So, this month Molly will learn to stay, and next month we'll shoot for Moon.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Thursday 13 Things to remember during this family weekend

1.  I am not the keeper of family happiness.  If someone gets cranky or pissed, it's not up to me to fix it.  

2. This IS my family.  No use mourning for those who are not here (daughter) because if I do, it will obliterate the joy of those who are.  This is a hard one for me.

3. I do not have to rearrange my entire tiny house for entertaining for two days.  Clean paper plates, a place for a few people to sit and a fresh toilet paper roll-that's my only obligation.

4.  Sometimes over thinking things is just that-over thinking.  Learn to leave it alone.

5. I don't owe anyone explanations for anything.  (Why do you keep snakes, etc.)

6. I have a lot of toys.  I didn't have a lot of toys when I raised my one child alone-that child is gone, I didn't start a second family-but I did start buying toys.  When you aren't raising generations of children, you get to have toys.  (refer to no. 5).

7. I don't have to let you play with all my toys if I don't want to, or I think you are going to either hurt one or be hurt by one.  My toys, my choice.  (refer to no.'s 5 and 6).

8. My animals are not toys.  When they are tired, they are put away to rest.  Not all of them like people other than me-and that's ok, because they are mine, not yours.

9. Yes, I want to draw on the sidewalk with the kids.  I don't care what the neighbors think (unless they want to join us).

10. No, sorry, you can't stay here.   My extra bedroom is full of snakes-it cuts down on overnight stays.

11.  Out of ice/beer/chips?  Wow, somebody better run to the store then.

12.   I'm not sure why the parrot farts and belches.  He was already doing that when I got him.  Ok, he didn't say "good LORD" afterward, but, uh, see no. 5.

13.  Everything that bites is in a cage.  If you stick your fingers in and get bit-don't come crying to me.

Honestly, I am looking forward to the cook out and visit, but these are things I need remind myself of.  My brother's kids and grandkids are coming up, and so my brother decided to come for a visit too.  Of course, all my household projects are "in process" and not done because I've been sick.  But I suppose if you waited till everything got done, you'd never do anything at all.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


We had something called a cool front come through the other day-that meant it only got to 90 degrees and I got to stay outside ALL day.  OOOOOOOH-it's so much fun to yell at the dogs when they try to sleep.  A lot goes on and there is a lot for me to comment on.

The woman figured out her mistake in putting the new freezer on the sunporch-when she came trudging in with ice for the BBQ she had numerous sets of eyes on her, all begging for ice.  So, of course she shared.  She's good about sharing.  ME me me....not so much.

Since I've moved outside, the Moon and the Molly have learned about popsicles-so we pretty much have one every morning.  They can't hold their because their feet don't work right (even though there are four of them), so the woman holds it for them.  The Molly licks when it's her turn, but the Moon has learned to CHOMP and get a big old bite.  The little ones don't seem to understand-so the woman freezes broth for them and they can lick it off the ground.

 The parakeets are too little and dull to eat ice-the woman even has to chop their apple up-silly helpless birds.  Their only redeeming point is that they shiver in fear  and awe when I parade by on my stick on the way out to MY OUTSIDE digs-which of course they don't have because they are silly little helpless things.

Last summer the only peppers that did well were the hot ones-all for ME ME ME Mister BIRD!  This year they are slow, and I don't like the mild ones, so the woman bought me some dried ones.  But I saw her-she used some of them in something called chili-so not ALL for me me me.

AND THEN SHE DID IT....yes yes yes.  I saw her do it-she opened the white box and used the LAST of the shredded cheese on the chili.  MINE MINE MINE.  I was so mad.  CHEESE CHEESE!!!!!  What kind of person eats the last of a bird's good good cheese.  Now there is no yellow shredded cheese for me, ME ME!!!!!

Next thing you know, she'll be eating my craps or offering them to the Molly and the Moon.  Hmph.  In fact, she DID give them blueberries and bites of apple -I SAW IT.  I didn't say anything because I was too busy eating my my MY blueberry, but oh yes, I saw it.

I hope you have a Great and Happy Animal Wednesday, and I hope nobody eats your cheese and you get plenty of ice and craps!