Tuesday, July 14, 2009

KMAT-Slow burn

HEAT DOME-Kiss My ASS and get off my state!

I really do try not to complain about the heat because I bitch SO much about the cold and damp. But an excess of anything is, well, too much. Triple digits in early July is not good. What's so weird is that it was unseasonably cool right before it turned unseasonably HOT.

What's amazing and annoying is that the heat dome settles right on top of us every year, and stays, and the weathermen try to make it "new and exciting" every day. Kiss My ASS attention whore weathermen. Yes when a tornado is bearing down on me, I want to hear from you. Explaining the Heat Dome, AGAIN, in the middle of a HEAT WAVE-well, that's just a waste of both our times. How on earth can someone take their allotted 15 minutes to tell us it's hot outside? Enough.

How hot is it? It's so hot the chickens are laying boiled eggs. It's so hot the Texans have moved to Hell.

It's so hot you don't need a match to light a fart. Hmmm, does that make kissing my ass a health hazard?

Getting bent out of shape about the weather is useless, and only mildly amusing. I'd much rather give a big KMA to the people who leave animals outside with no shade or water. It happens every year, and I can't help but think heat stroke is an icky way to go.

The good news is, no mud at the stable. The bad news is-too hot to do a damn thing there.....Oh yeah, heat, kiss my ass.

So, what's setting YOUR panties aflame these days?


Debra Kay said...

Stop reading now if you are easily offended. You've been warned.

KISS MY ASS CONSTIPATION. I am a simple person, and not anal retentive at all-in fact, I quite enjoy a good dump. Conversely, I get increasingly annoyed when I CAN'T. I immediately feel 100 pounds heavier and am just generally out of sorts.

I'm sure it's the extra water needed for the heat that is being diverted from my bowels. Or a global conspiracy to drive me nuts. Because, believe me, I eat fiber, fruits and vegetables.

And while you can, in many circles say "I have cramps" or "I have PMS", you just get blank looks if you say "I can't shit". Discomfort and no sympathy. BAH. Kiss Kiss Kiss My Ass

kj said...

dear friend, there is an award waiting for you on my blog. please come

Lisa at Greenbow said...

I am sorry to hear you are so out of sorts. Your discomfort has me giggling though. I hope you feel better just getting it out into the open.

soulbrush said...

getting what out in the open lisa? tee hee...roflol so much i'm wetting myself! you are the BEST!

Michele said...

Ahhh, a Texan in Hell here, I can't believe I missed KMAT. It really is my most favorite way to blow off stream. OK, here goes for me, Companies that cut their employees salaries, take away benefits and lay off hundreds of workers each quarter just so the executives can continue collecting big, fat, undeserved bonuses can KMA. Seriously, KMA right now. Mean people - KMA. A summer without a summer vacation because my hubbie's job is being offshored to India - KMA. Peeps who speak in a foreign language around me even though they KNOW I can't understand a darn word they are saying and then try to give me a play by play translation - Just speak in English in the first place already and oh yea, KMA. That's about it for me today. Thanks for giving me a place to mindfully blow off some steam.