I slept a lot yesterday-really good restful sleep-so I just assumed I was tired. During that time, my biological clock reset itself and I am now up an hour earlier than normal. It was fun waking the dogs up for a change. Hopefully the reset will hold-because my dogs will no doubt wake up an hour early tomorrow-they reset faster than I do.
It's been so hot they are probably glad to have the extra hour of cool time-I know I am.
Showing posts with label midlife crisis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label midlife crisis. Show all posts
Monday, August 9, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Thinking about Luck
Pumpkin is the the little yellow boy kitty I chose from day one-before his eyes were open. He was all orange and looked just like a pumpkin. He has always been pumpkin. Patches is the second brother. When the rescuer was looking for homes I said that I would also take the last boy-just rehome everyone else that people chose and give me pumpkin and kitty X.
What's really interesting to me is that Patches is a perfectly wonderful kitten. He's very different from Pumpkin-shorter fur, louder voice, and a bigger ego. But different is not always a bad thing. He make me laugh and he doesn't cuddle often, but when he does, well you know you've been cuddled.
Thinking of the two really makes me think about how random life is. Two wonderful creatures, but one who was taken only really out of pity. But the irony is-BOTH ended up in the same place in life-and none of it was of their own doing.
Life really IS that random, isn't it?
What's really interesting to me is that Patches is a perfectly wonderful kitten. He's very different from Pumpkin-shorter fur, louder voice, and a bigger ego. But different is not always a bad thing. He make me laugh and he doesn't cuddle often, but when he does, well you know you've been cuddled.
Thinking of the two really makes me think about how random life is. Two wonderful creatures, but one who was taken only really out of pity. But the irony is-BOTH ended up in the same place in life-and none of it was of their own doing.
Life really IS that random, isn't it?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Waving Hello
I seem to be very much in a transition of sorts and I'm trying to pay attention so I can get my lessons I need to get and move on. I've recently started taking Ritalin (for adult ADD) so maybe that will help. If nothing else-it makes for one funny paragraph. Boy-that would suck if that's what your life ended up being-one funny paragraph!
Oh, I know, it could be worse, a 6 word tragedy. SIGH. I never seem to win in the one upmanship of bad luck game-someone is always worse off. I suppose that's a good thing-really.
I shared a blue slushy with Casper. At first he was put off by the icy texture and declined further sharing. THEN the barn cat came up and had a bit and it was ON-the horse became a slushy drinking fool. Give the golden boy his due-it takes skillz when your nose is larger that the diameter of the cup-and the cup is sitting in your blind spot.
The new kitties have reached the age when most kittens are taken to the pound. I keep reminding myself this will pass soon enough. Pumpkin and Luna have reached an accord. Patches must keep testing limits. Then he has to retest them to be certain. Later on, he must return to the scene of whatever crime he committed and recommit to fully understand the impact of what he has done. Either that-or he just likes to tease Luna.
Oh, I know, it could be worse, a 6 word tragedy. SIGH. I never seem to win in the one upmanship of bad luck game-someone is always worse off. I suppose that's a good thing-really.
I shared a blue slushy with Casper. At first he was put off by the icy texture and declined further sharing. THEN the barn cat came up and had a bit and it was ON-the horse became a slushy drinking fool. Give the golden boy his due-it takes skillz when your nose is larger that the diameter of the cup-and the cup is sitting in your blind spot.
The new kitties have reached the age when most kittens are taken to the pound. I keep reminding myself this will pass soon enough. Pumpkin and Luna have reached an accord. Patches must keep testing limits. Then he has to retest them to be certain. Later on, he must return to the scene of whatever crime he committed and recommit to fully understand the impact of what he has done. Either that-or he just likes to tease Luna.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Head-Meet Wall
The sound you hear is my head pounding against the same old wall. It doesn't matter which wall-it's all the same fucking wall-(said in a jaded Janis Joplin voice).
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Wow
Do you ever just break down and cry over the strangest things? Last night I boo hoo'd for a good 20 minutes. I am trying to get myself and my life in order, and I had to think about turning 50, and if I wanted to do the Great White Shark swim (because I need to get the deposit in if I do).
So, I thought about it-and what I wanted to get out of it. Certainly having strangers see me in a wet suit doing something brave/foolish had no appeal. For me, it was about the experience of seeing and being experienced by such a great animal. And then it hit me-(perhaps because I work so much with animals, I am pretty adept at understanding them) the shark really won't experience ME at all. It will examine the cage, examine me and determine I'm not food-and then it absolutely will not care.
And with that thought I wailed and wailed. You would have thought I just realized I was all alone in the universe-and for a moment I was. Because I realized that, no matter how badly I might want a connection or an outcome, sometimes sheer desire just isn't enough, and there is absolutely nothing, nada nilch, I can do about it.
When I realized I couldn't switch off the waterworks, I just went with it. Trying NOT to cry always gives me a huge headache and then I cry anway, so I bawled like a sick calf. The only way I could get the Great White Shark to notice me would be to feed it a leg-and I'm just not willing to do that. Even in the midst of my tears I realized that pretty much sums up a lot of human relationships too.
So I am taking my GWS birthday money and buying some training for Casper, who does notice me. I will get a lot more benefit out of this than 30 minutes in the water with something who doesn't even know I'm there. I may be growing up even if I do cry over spilt sharks.
So, I thought about it-and what I wanted to get out of it. Certainly having strangers see me in a wet suit doing something brave/foolish had no appeal. For me, it was about the experience of seeing and being experienced by such a great animal. And then it hit me-(perhaps because I work so much with animals, I am pretty adept at understanding them) the shark really won't experience ME at all. It will examine the cage, examine me and determine I'm not food-and then it absolutely will not care.
And with that thought I wailed and wailed. You would have thought I just realized I was all alone in the universe-and for a moment I was. Because I realized that, no matter how badly I might want a connection or an outcome, sometimes sheer desire just isn't enough, and there is absolutely nothing, nada nilch, I can do about it.
When I realized I couldn't switch off the waterworks, I just went with it. Trying NOT to cry always gives me a huge headache and then I cry anway, so I bawled like a sick calf. The only way I could get the Great White Shark to notice me would be to feed it a leg-and I'm just not willing to do that. Even in the midst of my tears I realized that pretty much sums up a lot of human relationships too.
So I am taking my GWS birthday money and buying some training for Casper, who does notice me. I will get a lot more benefit out of this than 30 minutes in the water with something who doesn't even know I'm there. I may be growing up even if I do cry over spilt sharks.
Saturday, April 3, 2010
Dreams
Michele wrote an interesting post about Forgotten Dreams.
Honestly, there isn't that much I haven't done in some shape or fashion. I haven't swam with a Great White Shark, but I saw one-yes it was in a tank, but in many ways that was better. At any rate, it was more comfortable.
I got some letters after my name, which I never use. I've owned homes and cars-the usual things people think about growing up. I even have my wonderful horse now. I've shared space with dogs and cats and birds and other amazing aimals. I've taken a few good pictures here and there and had my own office with a big wooden desk. I've almost made it to 50-which is something I never even intended to do.
It's a very strange head space to be in, living in a age you never imagined you'd reach or planned for. I've never had a terribly strong grip to this world or life. I wake up sometimes and think "oh, still here I see." I've been knocked out a few times and when I came to my first thoughts were always trying to figure out exactly "where" I landed, but I don't recall ever being disturbed by the notion that I might be dead.
When I was in Mexico having my lap band surgery, I realized a few seconds before they put me under that I was getting ready to be unconscious, alone in a foreign country, in a not so nice area of said country, and that no one in the family knew where I was. No one knew what the name of the sugery practice was or how to contact me, so if I didn't wake up or they threw me in the swamp, no one would even know where to look. "wow" I thought when that realization hit, and thanks in part to drugs, then next thought was "oh well, too late to worry about it now."
What I DID worry about was thinking hard about what I'd regret not doing if I didn't wake up and still had memories of this life. I really was sorry I'd never owned a horse. Really, I didn't think about telling so and so I loved them or any of that stuff you are supposed to think about.
A few years later, back in Oklahoma, going under for another surgery, my thought was "I don't care where I wake up as long as it feels better than I do now...."
A year or so after that, TRYING to wake up after falling off the horse, I thought "well shit, I had to have that horse didn't I?"
I've always considered myself to be a deep thinking kind of person-but when it comes to life and death stuff, I'm pretty damn simple.
Honestly, there isn't that much I haven't done in some shape or fashion. I haven't swam with a Great White Shark, but I saw one-yes it was in a tank, but in many ways that was better. At any rate, it was more comfortable.
I got some letters after my name, which I never use. I've owned homes and cars-the usual things people think about growing up. I even have my wonderful horse now. I've shared space with dogs and cats and birds and other amazing aimals. I've taken a few good pictures here and there and had my own office with a big wooden desk. I've almost made it to 50-which is something I never even intended to do.
It's a very strange head space to be in, living in a age you never imagined you'd reach or planned for. I've never had a terribly strong grip to this world or life. I wake up sometimes and think "oh, still here I see." I've been knocked out a few times and when I came to my first thoughts were always trying to figure out exactly "where" I landed, but I don't recall ever being disturbed by the notion that I might be dead.
When I was in Mexico having my lap band surgery, I realized a few seconds before they put me under that I was getting ready to be unconscious, alone in a foreign country, in a not so nice area of said country, and that no one in the family knew where I was. No one knew what the name of the sugery practice was or how to contact me, so if I didn't wake up or they threw me in the swamp, no one would even know where to look. "wow" I thought when that realization hit, and thanks in part to drugs, then next thought was "oh well, too late to worry about it now."
What I DID worry about was thinking hard about what I'd regret not doing if I didn't wake up and still had memories of this life. I really was sorry I'd never owned a horse. Really, I didn't think about telling so and so I loved them or any of that stuff you are supposed to think about.
A few years later, back in Oklahoma, going under for another surgery, my thought was "I don't care where I wake up as long as it feels better than I do now...."
A year or so after that, TRYING to wake up after falling off the horse, I thought "well shit, I had to have that horse didn't I?"
I've always considered myself to be a deep thinking kind of person-but when it comes to life and death stuff, I'm pretty damn simple.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
It this the Tipping Point?
Made it ALL day yesterday without picking up anything weighing more than 5 pounds. My mom snorted at this-but YOU try it. I don't consider myself a really active person either-but 5 pounds is not that heavy. I bet a gallon of milk weighs 5 pounds.
Then I goofed and drank fully leaded and decaf so I listened to good music till 4 am and tried not to fret.
Right now I like Grooveshark. I have a portable Sirius radio I haven't set up yet. Resetting the car radio (before the ban on cussing) was a chore. I may try to calmly set it up today. I am down another 4.00 from yesterday.
I love Atlantic City by Bruce Springstein. It's artistry, the repetition and phrasing conveys the perfect sense of desperation-no wonder it was a hit for the Boss. But as I listened and played video games-I kept wondering-"If the Boss called, would you meet him Atlantic City?"
Of course I wouldn't now, but even as a young foolish lass, I would not have followed a clearly desperate man on an illegal venture. I have jumped into a burning van and pulled a man I loved out-no qualms about death or injury. But breaking the law? Nah. I am just so NOT a desperado and never have been.
Oh, there was a point about a tipping point. My point about that point is that I am now able to think about silly things right now and not how badly my leg hurts when it will stop hurting and what this all means. It means I fell off a horse and got the flu.
It probably means if I ride again I should use stirrups and not leave my helmet in the locker. (looking the other way and whistling.....) So, the tipping point isn't tipping me into a new dimension, just back to the one I tipped out of a month ago.
What that means is the world just goes on anyway.
Then I goofed and drank fully leaded and decaf so I listened to good music till 4 am and tried not to fret.
Right now I like Grooveshark. I have a portable Sirius radio I haven't set up yet. Resetting the car radio (before the ban on cussing) was a chore. I may try to calmly set it up today. I am down another 4.00 from yesterday.
I love Atlantic City by Bruce Springstein. It's artistry, the repetition and phrasing conveys the perfect sense of desperation-no wonder it was a hit for the Boss. But as I listened and played video games-I kept wondering-"If the Boss called, would you meet him Atlantic City?"
Of course I wouldn't now, but even as a young foolish lass, I would not have followed a clearly desperate man on an illegal venture. I have jumped into a burning van and pulled a man I loved out-no qualms about death or injury. But breaking the law? Nah. I am just so NOT a desperado and never have been.
Oh, there was a point about a tipping point. My point about that point is that I am now able to think about silly things right now and not how badly my leg hurts when it will stop hurting and what this all means. It means I fell off a horse and got the flu.
It probably means if I ride again I should use stirrups and not leave my helmet in the locker. (looking the other way and whistling.....) So, the tipping point isn't tipping me into a new dimension, just back to the one I tipped out of a month ago.
What that means is the world just goes on anyway.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Groin Groin Groin!
For weeks I wasn't even sure women had groins, but we do and mine hurts. Back is pretty much unspasmed and decompressed. Hip-check, back on line. Groin, not so much.
I am having a terrible time being compliant with the non lifting. I actually enjoy the stretches I do-I've always liked stretching-you don't get sweaty and it feels good. I've had numerous laproscopic belly surgeries, and never busted a stitch or a hernia because I didn't lift anything over 5 pounds first week, 10 pounds for several weeks after. I'm good at following simple directions. Until now.
For one thing, I don't have the threat, even imagined, of guts flying eveywhere if I don't comply. Two, I've already been confined for a little over a month. Three, unlike belly surgery which hurts pretty much all the time, then fades, the quits and viola-you can lift again-THIS little jewel doesn't hurt until YOU lift. It's sneaky. SNEAKY I tell you.
The way the muscle works is pretty standard. For the first couple of weeks my leg had to stay straight. I sleep on my back with my legs twined and crossed the way most legs would never go-so this was very hard for me. Crossing my legs again was quite relief.
I've walked out the walking muscles-I can stay up to do pretty much any household chore and can string together several now. I can go to the grocery. Carrying them in is where the trouble starts. The last 40 pound bag of dog food put me on my back for two days.
So, I am declaring a lifting hiatus of one week starting today-which is really tomorrow for me cause I'm writing this on Tuesday but I've already lifted something I shouldn't have. And it was sneaky-because I didn't know it was heavy.
Part of my declutter project involves lots and lots of paper-paper is heavy. BUT, tadaaa-I could just put the stuff I want to throw out in bags, and deal with the bags later. Some day I'll be able to carry out a lot of bags and wow, won't that be great? Can you tell I'm really trying hard to work within the boundaries my body has set for me?
For the clutter issue-this may actually be good-instead of doing it the way I think it should be done or not at all-I am doing it any way I can. If I try really hard, I could even generate the same enthusiasm I did for building the makeshift toilet.
A note about that for future reference. I started with a bag lined box-because the box was narrower than the bucket and I didn't have to spread my legs as far-this was back in the days described above. For some reason-it had to have a bag and it had to have a receptacle. As I dismantled and cleaned, I realized-had I just used a bag, I wouldn't have had to spread my poor legs much at all. So much for thinking outside the BOX...........ok, that makes me laugh out loud! (sorry if that was too much KJ-it makes me giggle too much to delete it)
OK, GRATUITOUS PRISS POST.
I am having a terrible time being compliant with the non lifting. I actually enjoy the stretches I do-I've always liked stretching-you don't get sweaty and it feels good. I've had numerous laproscopic belly surgeries, and never busted a stitch or a hernia because I didn't lift anything over 5 pounds first week, 10 pounds for several weeks after. I'm good at following simple directions. Until now.
For one thing, I don't have the threat, even imagined, of guts flying eveywhere if I don't comply. Two, I've already been confined for a little over a month. Three, unlike belly surgery which hurts pretty much all the time, then fades, the quits and viola-you can lift again-THIS little jewel doesn't hurt until YOU lift. It's sneaky. SNEAKY I tell you.
The way the muscle works is pretty standard. For the first couple of weeks my leg had to stay straight. I sleep on my back with my legs twined and crossed the way most legs would never go-so this was very hard for me. Crossing my legs again was quite relief.
I've walked out the walking muscles-I can stay up to do pretty much any household chore and can string together several now. I can go to the grocery. Carrying them in is where the trouble starts. The last 40 pound bag of dog food put me on my back for two days.
So, I am declaring a lifting hiatus of one week starting today-which is really tomorrow for me cause I'm writing this on Tuesday but I've already lifted something I shouldn't have. And it was sneaky-because I didn't know it was heavy.
Part of my declutter project involves lots and lots of paper-paper is heavy. BUT, tadaaa-I could just put the stuff I want to throw out in bags, and deal with the bags later. Some day I'll be able to carry out a lot of bags and wow, won't that be great? Can you tell I'm really trying hard to work within the boundaries my body has set for me?
For the clutter issue-this may actually be good-instead of doing it the way I think it should be done or not at all-I am doing it any way I can. If I try really hard, I could even generate the same enthusiasm I did for building the makeshift toilet.
A note about that for future reference. I started with a bag lined box-because the box was narrower than the bucket and I didn't have to spread my legs as far-this was back in the days described above. For some reason-it had to have a bag and it had to have a receptacle. As I dismantled and cleaned, I realized-had I just used a bag, I wouldn't have had to spread my poor legs much at all. So much for thinking outside the BOX...........ok, that makes me laugh out loud! (sorry if that was too much KJ-it makes me giggle too much to delete it)
OK, GRATUITOUS PRISS POST.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
The Big 50
First I have to acknowledge it-then I've got to figure out what it all means. Hah-that would take another 50 years.
My plan for some time was to cage dive with a Great White Shark ON my birthday. Now, I'm not so sure. It's not a fear thing-it's a dollar thing. The dive at the Farallons-where the big pregnant girls are-would be cold as all get out. I cannot convey with words how much I loathe being cold.
Guadalupe is a week long event. Cool, yes, expensive, OH MY. No one I know would get in the water with me, and no one I know would actual go on the boat, so I am not sure that bobbing around the ocean with strangers is how I want to celebrate my 50th-and the sharks are the males who are smaller and inferior.
Lately I've figured out dreams don't always work out-we know I'm slow. So, I've been amusing myself with alternative celebrations and combinations. I could go on a topside voyage to the Farallons and watch the sharks swim around other people while I wore a coat and took pictures. If I did that-I could also take a decent road trip this summer WITH my border collies. I have friends who have expressed interest in part of the trip.
At the time the shark dream started, tourism hadn't happened, and people rarely saw them. It was the rare factor. Now anyone with a plane ticket and 400 bucks can see one. Lots of people do-it's still not common perhaps, but not RARE.
On the other hand, seeing prairies and mountains and sheep and bison and all manner of things through the eyes of Moon, Molly and Solo-that can only be accomplished by me. And even if I share it with pictures and words, it is still implied that I did it-ME.
I've never thought in terms of a birthday being about me before. I told you I was slow.
My plan for some time was to cage dive with a Great White Shark ON my birthday. Now, I'm not so sure. It's not a fear thing-it's a dollar thing. The dive at the Farallons-where the big pregnant girls are-would be cold as all get out. I cannot convey with words how much I loathe being cold.
Guadalupe is a week long event. Cool, yes, expensive, OH MY. No one I know would get in the water with me, and no one I know would actual go on the boat, so I am not sure that bobbing around the ocean with strangers is how I want to celebrate my 50th-and the sharks are the males who are smaller and inferior.
Lately I've figured out dreams don't always work out-we know I'm slow. So, I've been amusing myself with alternative celebrations and combinations. I could go on a topside voyage to the Farallons and watch the sharks swim around other people while I wore a coat and took pictures. If I did that-I could also take a decent road trip this summer WITH my border collies. I have friends who have expressed interest in part of the trip.
At the time the shark dream started, tourism hadn't happened, and people rarely saw them. It was the rare factor. Now anyone with a plane ticket and 400 bucks can see one. Lots of people do-it's still not common perhaps, but not RARE.
On the other hand, seeing prairies and mountains and sheep and bison and all manner of things through the eyes of Moon, Molly and Solo-that can only be accomplished by me. And even if I share it with pictures and words, it is still implied that I did it-ME.
I've never thought in terms of a birthday being about me before. I told you I was slow.
Monday, February 22, 2010
And then it all Changed
For grins, I went back to my last post before it all caved in. On January the 24 I was worried about nutrition, clutter and talking about upcoming trips.
On January 25, Prissy got terribly ill and I fell off my horse and ended up at the ER. That was a long day, it's past and no sense in wasting space with it now. I was up and around on the 26th, on the 27th I woke up with a flu that got incredibly and rapidly worse as the day progressed. A blizzard started and I was snowed in for a week with the flu, no working toilet and very limited mobility.
Some days it took me all day until 10 or 11 pm, to feed the dogs and myself. When you are snowed in, you are on your own with what you have available. When we ran out of dog food (it was frozen in the car) we started on lean meats from the freezer. The dogs were ok with this program.
I lost a couple of snakes during that time-a virus has been going through my colony and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I lost a friend who was a young mother. We did not, thankfully, lose power-my plan was just to go to sleep and die along with the animals-I had no energy to do anything else.
It's been a long road back and I'm still not there yet-but am moving in the right direction. I can move around more easily now, stay up for longer times. The Westminster Dog show was the first television show I was able to watch in over a month-sitting is still not the easiest thing to do.
Sometimes I get tired of explaining why "it's taking so long" to heal. I'm going to be fifty-I fell from a height that is taller than my head. Nothing broke-a lot of things got really banged up and bruised. If you think YOU could do better, climb up to about 5 feet 7 inches and do a flop more or less straight down on your bottom. Then get back to me. Oh, and run 100 and something fever for several days, shaking and shivering on those sore muscles and don't eat for a week or so. See how that works for you....LOL.
More and more I get amazed at how even older people in our society think there should be a pill or a treatment that is an instant cure. We really have gotten completely out of touch with our bodies and how they work. That statement includes me. I've learned more about my buttocks and pelvic girdle than I ever knew existed. I didn't quite realize that extent of the muscles that lurk there until they all got tied up in knots
Of course, we all know I'm getting better now as I'm willing to talk about it. Being sick or injured always drives me deep inside. I have some ideas why that might be-but it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things.
While perched on my heating pad, I've distracted myself with taking stock of things. Some of those things are not pleasant to take stock of-but I am keeping my eyes open as I always do and will push through.
I'm going to set this to post on Monday-I like my haiku and I don't want to take away from it. Priorities.
On January 25, Prissy got terribly ill and I fell off my horse and ended up at the ER. That was a long day, it's past and no sense in wasting space with it now. I was up and around on the 26th, on the 27th I woke up with a flu that got incredibly and rapidly worse as the day progressed. A blizzard started and I was snowed in for a week with the flu, no working toilet and very limited mobility.
Some days it took me all day until 10 or 11 pm, to feed the dogs and myself. When you are snowed in, you are on your own with what you have available. When we ran out of dog food (it was frozen in the car) we started on lean meats from the freezer. The dogs were ok with this program.
I lost a couple of snakes during that time-a virus has been going through my colony and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I lost a friend who was a young mother. We did not, thankfully, lose power-my plan was just to go to sleep and die along with the animals-I had no energy to do anything else.
It's been a long road back and I'm still not there yet-but am moving in the right direction. I can move around more easily now, stay up for longer times. The Westminster Dog show was the first television show I was able to watch in over a month-sitting is still not the easiest thing to do.
Sometimes I get tired of explaining why "it's taking so long" to heal. I'm going to be fifty-I fell from a height that is taller than my head. Nothing broke-a lot of things got really banged up and bruised. If you think YOU could do better, climb up to about 5 feet 7 inches and do a flop more or less straight down on your bottom. Then get back to me. Oh, and run 100 and something fever for several days, shaking and shivering on those sore muscles and don't eat for a week or so. See how that works for you....LOL.
More and more I get amazed at how even older people in our society think there should be a pill or a treatment that is an instant cure. We really have gotten completely out of touch with our bodies and how they work. That statement includes me. I've learned more about my buttocks and pelvic girdle than I ever knew existed. I didn't quite realize that extent of the muscles that lurk there until they all got tied up in knots
Of course, we all know I'm getting better now as I'm willing to talk about it. Being sick or injured always drives me deep inside. I have some ideas why that might be-but it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things.
While perched on my heating pad, I've distracted myself with taking stock of things. Some of those things are not pleasant to take stock of-but I am keeping my eyes open as I always do and will push through.
I'm going to set this to post on Monday-I like my haiku and I don't want to take away from it. Priorities.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Doing Good Deeds with a Potty Mouth
My potty mouth is going to help out Bernie Berlin at a Place to Bark.
For the remainder of Lent, I will pay 5.00 for each F bomb, a dollar for all other words spoken or written. I shared this with members of a forum I belong to-and one lady is going to contribute 5,00 for each forum member who signs up to join the effort (up to 100.00) and we are a potty mouth group.
I'm not Catholic and I'm not even religious, but I very much like the idea of positive change, and I don't like the idea of needless suffering-so I will suffer my restraint, but when I goof-it will help our furry friends.
I'm so excited I have a Mitvah to report for Mitvah Friday at Micheles.....
Thanks to the efforts of Moon, Greta, Oliver the Dog, Cody and Oliver the Parrot, I have 8.75 in the cussing jar already. Moon broke in with his crew and went counter surfing whilst I was playing with Molly and Solo. Oliver the parrot was in his cage, but he was hanging upside down laughing and urging the dogs to more mayhem.
Since then he has repeated several of the words I uttered, but I am not paying for him because he's a loose cannon.
For the remainder of Lent, I will pay 5.00 for each F bomb, a dollar for all other words spoken or written. I shared this with members of a forum I belong to-and one lady is going to contribute 5,00 for each forum member who signs up to join the effort (up to 100.00) and we are a potty mouth group.
I'm not Catholic and I'm not even religious, but I very much like the idea of positive change, and I don't like the idea of needless suffering-so I will suffer my restraint, but when I goof-it will help our furry friends.
I'm so excited I have a Mitvah to report for Mitvah Friday at Micheles.....
Thanks to the efforts of Moon, Greta, Oliver the Dog, Cody and Oliver the Parrot, I have 8.75 in the cussing jar already. Moon broke in with his crew and went counter surfing whilst I was playing with Molly and Solo. Oliver the parrot was in his cage, but he was hanging upside down laughing and urging the dogs to more mayhem.
Since then he has repeated several of the words I uttered, but I am not paying for him because he's a loose cannon.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Pain
I realize I haven't been writing because I hate talking about physical pain. If I am having it-it takes all my focus to deal with it. If I am not having it-I don't want to think about it.
A week or so ago I would have been content just to find a position where I could lie still and not be in total agony. Aching was ok, just stop the agony. Now I've progressed to the point that I want to walk and sit. I know, I'm never happy.
I feel good enough to start feeling antsy-but if I stay up too long I have to stretch back out to relax those muscles. I want to feel good again, and then I feel very guilty for wanting that. A young mother I know died a few weeks ago-I'm sure she'd take my body, agony and all.
So, I feel guilty for not liking physcial pain. I feel frustrated for not being able to leap up and do the things I want to do. I distract myself for a little bit, then I feel guilty for the time I've "wasted" by distracting myself.
I'm frustrated there is no timetable for "better", then I feel guilty because at least I know I will get better, and some people won't. It's just one big cycle of real pain and self inflicted mental pain.
Yay.
A week or so ago I would have been content just to find a position where I could lie still and not be in total agony. Aching was ok, just stop the agony. Now I've progressed to the point that I want to walk and sit. I know, I'm never happy.
I feel good enough to start feeling antsy-but if I stay up too long I have to stretch back out to relax those muscles. I want to feel good again, and then I feel very guilty for wanting that. A young mother I know died a few weeks ago-I'm sure she'd take my body, agony and all.
So, I feel guilty for not liking physcial pain. I feel frustrated for not being able to leap up and do the things I want to do. I distract myself for a little bit, then I feel guilty for the time I've "wasted" by distracting myself.
I'm frustrated there is no timetable for "better", then I feel guilty because at least I know I will get better, and some people won't. It's just one big cycle of real pain and self inflicted mental pain.
Yay.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
All about ME ME ME
It's been an updown month-and the ups and the downs are pretty close together sometimes.
I'm working on a hoarding/decluttering issue to get more organized, and it's one of those things you have to work through and experience-not necessarily write about in the moment. In the midst of this has come a couple of medical emergencies on my father's part, which then requires a little more family time because it shakes Mom up too. The good news is I am able to help out without ending up in the fetal position myself. As near as I can tell, that is because I'm not willing to own anyone else's stress-it interferes with me getting to my own issues.
The dogs are doing great-Solo has his big boy voice now-however his "boys" haven't made an appearance yet. I honestly don't know when that is supposed to happen, I think it's a range thing. I'm in no hurry, he's already large for his breed, so early neutering won't be an option. .....BIG DRAMATIC SIGH......An intact dog creates all kinds of mayhem for the pack, but I'm going to deal with it. I knew when I bought him things like joints and growth plates were going to take a little extra care-and he's so worth it!
Oliver managed to get caught in a toy again, resulting in a squawk and a daring rescue. He's had two baths and several papadums today-so he's over it.
All right, so this was very little about me (Deb). I'm going to Texas in March for a week of friends/fun and then a weekend in Boston in April for a weekend of the same.
I'm working on good nutrition and my brain appears to be working better and sometimes I hit that magical state of "flow" where time stops and work is smooth-I love that and have missed it over the past year.
None of this makes very good blog fodder-BAH.
I'm working on a hoarding/decluttering issue to get more organized, and it's one of those things you have to work through and experience-not necessarily write about in the moment. In the midst of this has come a couple of medical emergencies on my father's part, which then requires a little more family time because it shakes Mom up too. The good news is I am able to help out without ending up in the fetal position myself. As near as I can tell, that is because I'm not willing to own anyone else's stress-it interferes with me getting to my own issues.
The dogs are doing great-Solo has his big boy voice now-however his "boys" haven't made an appearance yet. I honestly don't know when that is supposed to happen, I think it's a range thing. I'm in no hurry, he's already large for his breed, so early neutering won't be an option. .....BIG DRAMATIC SIGH......An intact dog creates all kinds of mayhem for the pack, but I'm going to deal with it. I knew when I bought him things like joints and growth plates were going to take a little extra care-and he's so worth it!
Oliver managed to get caught in a toy again, resulting in a squawk and a daring rescue. He's had two baths and several papadums today-so he's over it.
All right, so this was very little about me (Deb). I'm going to Texas in March for a week of friends/fun and then a weekend in Boston in April for a weekend of the same.
I'm working on good nutrition and my brain appears to be working better and sometimes I hit that magical state of "flow" where time stops and work is smooth-I love that and have missed it over the past year.
None of this makes very good blog fodder-BAH.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Juggling A Lot of Balls
That's what it feels like right now, and I don't want to let any of those balls fall, and I'm grateful for my balls, I really am. Nothing is really out of the ordinary-it's the same old same old-space/time/money/ energy do not permit me to do everything I want to do. Maybe I want too much.
Luna Kitty has an URI which is common from shelter cats. Being capture or surrendered, tested, injected/spayed/ put in a nice room but a strange room, then adopted and coming to live in my strange house....all within a couple of weeks. I've got her on probiotics, antibiotics, eye drops and she's pretty stoic with it all. Ok, she screams a bit, but doesn't bite or scratch-good girlie.
Daddy is working his way into a pacemaker-I wish they'd hurry because I think he will feel better when he gets one. I hope he does.
Oliver the Parrot has declared a truce with Molly and no longer taunts her. This makes my life and Molly's easier. He does divebomb the cat-but they are mostly at peace with each other-two fierce predators who recognize the power in each. No, I wouldn't leave them alone ever-but they can share the same bed with me on it. What can I say-Oliver is the Cat Whisperer.
I'm trying to juggle work plans/travel plans and money plans. Two lovely ladies I've known for a couple of years now are getting married in Boston-and I really want to go. But, I'm going to Texas in March for a week-and I need that. California in May-and my folks need that. Bah, it will all work out.
Luna Kitty has an URI which is common from shelter cats. Being capture or surrendered, tested, injected/spayed/ put in a nice room but a strange room, then adopted and coming to live in my strange house....all within a couple of weeks. I've got her on probiotics, antibiotics, eye drops and she's pretty stoic with it all. Ok, she screams a bit, but doesn't bite or scratch-good girlie.
Daddy is working his way into a pacemaker-I wish they'd hurry because I think he will feel better when he gets one. I hope he does.
Oliver the Parrot has declared a truce with Molly and no longer taunts her. This makes my life and Molly's easier. He does divebomb the cat-but they are mostly at peace with each other-two fierce predators who recognize the power in each. No, I wouldn't leave them alone ever-but they can share the same bed with me on it. What can I say-Oliver is the Cat Whisperer.
I'm trying to juggle work plans/travel plans and money plans. Two lovely ladies I've known for a couple of years now are getting married in Boston-and I really want to go. But, I'm going to Texas in March for a week-and I need that. California in May-and my folks need that. Bah, it will all work out.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
The Irony is not lost to me
Today would have been a good day for KMAT-starting last night when I got home from agility/hiking in the frozen tundra to find my heater croaked again. I'm trying to reserve judgement before having them rip the damn thing out-after all-I have back up measures in place. But they only work when I'm home.
But I don't feel like doing a whole generic post on life's annoyances or committing to a new annoyance next week.
I was going to be dramatic and say I wanted this blog to return to its roots but I'm not sure what they are. It started when I bought a 1975 Serro Scotty travel trailer similar to the one I lived in when I first moved out. I had PoiDogz up and running and I wanted a blog to just be me on-not topical.
For the past year or so I've been writing fairly regularly-though sometimes I post ahead-learning the skills and discipline it would take to maintain a commercial blog-and I've launched one, and a website. I don't really want to talk about that here, except maybe to talk about how I feel while I'm working through it.
This is my place to come and cuss and try new things. The commercial things are slick and safe and in 30 second sound bytes. And I'm ok with that for the first time in a long time-because I'm good at it. And since it's my own site I don't have to accept advertising from anyone I don't like. But I do have to be more aware of what I say and how I say it-which is not always a bad thing.
I may be here more, I may be here less-just not sure how it's going to go. But my friends, you will always be with me.
But I don't feel like doing a whole generic post on life's annoyances or committing to a new annoyance next week.
I was going to be dramatic and say I wanted this blog to return to its roots but I'm not sure what they are. It started when I bought a 1975 Serro Scotty travel trailer similar to the one I lived in when I first moved out. I had PoiDogz up and running and I wanted a blog to just be me on-not topical.
For the past year or so I've been writing fairly regularly-though sometimes I post ahead-learning the skills and discipline it would take to maintain a commercial blog-and I've launched one, and a website. I don't really want to talk about that here, except maybe to talk about how I feel while I'm working through it.
This is my place to come and cuss and try new things. The commercial things are slick and safe and in 30 second sound bytes. And I'm ok with that for the first time in a long time-because I'm good at it. And since it's my own site I don't have to accept advertising from anyone I don't like. But I do have to be more aware of what I say and how I say it-which is not always a bad thing.
I may be here more, I may be here less-just not sure how it's going to go. But my friends, you will always be with me.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Scenes from my House
Background Music:Lion Sleeps tonight and Oliver the Parrot doing Disney Bird sounds and laughing like a maniac. He's just finished his bath in his water dish. Parakeets just woke up and are twittering softly in preparation for their afternoon Romp and Feed and squawk fest.
Scene: Blizzard raging outside-house is warm and cozy.
Dogs are waking up from long nap/chew on bone session and I'm trying to find the energy (via some great coffee I got as a gift and chocolate I bought for Blizzard weathering purposes) to pull on my Bogs and go out and try to get some pictures.
Picture taking will be better if the white out stops, but by then the pristine part of the snow will be gone-my dogs love their snow a little too much.
I doubt very seriously we will make it OUT to dinner tomorrow and I really don't care. I'll trudge down, visit with the folks and then resume my heavy nesting activity, and this will likely be one of the best Christmas' that I can remember.
Scene: Blizzard raging outside-house is warm and cozy.
Dogs are waking up from long nap/chew on bone session and I'm trying to find the energy (via some great coffee I got as a gift and chocolate I bought for Blizzard weathering purposes) to pull on my Bogs and go out and try to get some pictures.
Picture taking will be better if the white out stops, but by then the pristine part of the snow will be gone-my dogs love their snow a little too much.
I doubt very seriously we will make it OUT to dinner tomorrow and I really don't care. I'll trudge down, visit with the folks and then resume my heavy nesting activity, and this will likely be one of the best Christmas' that I can remember.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Returning Soon
"
Oliver the parrot and my lovely ass have both given me permission to take the week off and get my shit together.
Blogging is so important to me-it provides structure, but I also need to attend to some worldy things before I return to cyberspace.
KJ-one of the things I got from P-town was in touring the artist's digs, they had their space set up to create art-it might be messy, but it was a designated space, I have to clear a space to do anything now, and there is so much I want to do.
One of the other things I got is my beautiful pictures-I keep my camera out and look at them when I need a break.
I got so much more-but I'm leaving you this little teaser so you will miss me while I'm gone.
"Look for my return on the dawn of the 7th day" oh wait, that was Gandalf.
HOW ABOUT-Look for my return on the 29th of October..........
All my blog friends are important to me, and I will miss you!
Oliver the parrot and my lovely ass have both given me permission to take the week off and get my shit together.
Blogging is so important to me-it provides structure, but I also need to attend to some worldy things before I return to cyberspace.
KJ-one of the things I got from P-town was in touring the artist's digs, they had their space set up to create art-it might be messy, but it was a designated space, I have to clear a space to do anything now, and there is so much I want to do.
One of the other things I got is my beautiful pictures-I keep my camera out and look at them when I need a break.
I got so much more-but I'm leaving you this little teaser so you will miss me while I'm gone.
"Look for my return on the dawn of the 7th day" oh wait, that was Gandalf.
HOW ABOUT-Look for my return on the 29th of October..........
All my blog friends are important to me, and I will miss you!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Musing about nothing in particular
Sometimes we pass by things every day and never seem to notice them. This pasture and oil derrick are nothing fancy, yet taken out of the rest of their context, removed from the hustle and bustle of every day life, they look kind of cool.
The artist here raises this notion, to well, an art.
Maybe our lives really ARE full of awesome snippets-it we only take the time to look.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
It must be working
This vacation thing. I woke up composing a six word saturday thing-checked the calendar and figured out it is, in truth, Sunday. Right now there is not a cloud in the sky. The ocean is a deep blue and the sky is an unbroken robin egg hue. The gulls seem to be gathered in one spot on the water-sushi for breakfast I suppose.
Ok, enough teasing. I met KJ and Lolo last night, we hugged and began visiting like the old friends we are. Magic, it was pure magic. We laughed and chatted and shared without any of the guardedness (is that a word?) that comes with meeting people for the "first" time. We sat a place for Mim at the table and left her a phone message.
If you are reading this-I probably really DO wish you were here too.
Ok, enough teasing. I met KJ and Lolo last night, we hugged and began visiting like the old friends we are. Magic, it was pure magic. We laughed and chatted and shared without any of the guardedness (is that a word?) that comes with meeting people for the "first" time. We sat a place for Mim at the table and left her a phone message.
If you are reading this-I probably really DO wish you were here too.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Whimp
I've decided to let the caterpillars eat the cabbage in the big plot and save the small plot for me. It's all I need-and they are such beautiful little critters-cream colored with bright black and orange stripes.
I was harvesting herbs and peppers to dry, and out of the lavender hopped yet another hairy black spider with neon dots. So, I ended up with only one small bunch of lavender from the other bush, and I put Ms. Spider back to HER bush.
No one wanted to live in the sage-which is my least favorite herb-I put some up for T-giving anyway.
I went to the farmer's market and bought some awesome huge gourds. While in Louisiana I found some really great swan gourds and THEN after buying them found out it takes 6 months to a year to dry them. So, being me, I went and bought MORE gourds to have a bounty for next years play.
I bought some dried ones too-to practice on-but the really awesome ones are picked out and saved for themselves by evil gourd hoarders. I found a giant bird gourd that is the spitting image of a certain parrot we know and love, and another that looks like a quail, only it's about a turkey sized quail.
Hauling them into the shed was more of a chore than I realized-but I'll be glad I did it later, I'm sure.
One of the things I want to do on vacation is have FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP, so I'll just bring gourd photos with me.
Right now I have to go pay pasture rent, finalize boarding arrangements for Oliver the P and locate a large suitcase. I rid myself of them during a clean out the clutter time because my standard vacay is four days. And my beloved wheeled duffle is in california in my cousin's garage.
Long story, it got left behind one year so we could make room for my auntie to join us on our airport ride. It was to return home last year, but the airlines charge for checked luggage and to prevent a Mom meltdown or a long walk to the luggage carousel, I shipped my trader joe's haul back home and left my duffle. On rainy days like to day I really get annoyed with myself for being so accommodating.
Then I have to remember I barely made it home that trip-I wouldn't have made it to the carousel either.
Oh well, off to the shower and then to errands.
I was harvesting herbs and peppers to dry, and out of the lavender hopped yet another hairy black spider with neon dots. So, I ended up with only one small bunch of lavender from the other bush, and I put Ms. Spider back to HER bush.
No one wanted to live in the sage-which is my least favorite herb-I put some up for T-giving anyway.
I went to the farmer's market and bought some awesome huge gourds. While in Louisiana I found some really great swan gourds and THEN after buying them found out it takes 6 months to a year to dry them. So, being me, I went and bought MORE gourds to have a bounty for next years play.
I bought some dried ones too-to practice on-but the really awesome ones are picked out and saved for themselves by evil gourd hoarders. I found a giant bird gourd that is the spitting image of a certain parrot we know and love, and another that looks like a quail, only it's about a turkey sized quail.
Hauling them into the shed was more of a chore than I realized-but I'll be glad I did it later, I'm sure.
One of the things I want to do on vacation is have FUN WITH PHOTOSHOP, so I'll just bring gourd photos with me.
Right now I have to go pay pasture rent, finalize boarding arrangements for Oliver the P and locate a large suitcase. I rid myself of them during a clean out the clutter time because my standard vacay is four days. And my beloved wheeled duffle is in california in my cousin's garage.
Long story, it got left behind one year so we could make room for my auntie to join us on our airport ride. It was to return home last year, but the airlines charge for checked luggage and to prevent a Mom meltdown or a long walk to the luggage carousel, I shipped my trader joe's haul back home and left my duffle. On rainy days like to day I really get annoyed with myself for being so accommodating.
Then I have to remember I barely made it home that trip-I wouldn't have made it to the carousel either.
Oh well, off to the shower and then to errands.
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