Monday, February 22, 2010

And then it all Changed

For grins, I went back to my last post before it all caved in.  On January the 24 I was worried about nutrition, clutter and talking about upcoming trips.

On January 25, Prissy got terribly ill and I fell off my horse and ended up at the ER.  That was a long day, it's past and no sense in wasting space with it now.  I was up and around on the 26th, on the 27th I woke up with a flu that got incredibly and rapidly worse as the day progressed.  A blizzard started and I was snowed in for a week with the flu, no working toilet and very limited mobility.

Some days it took me all day until 10 or 11 pm, to feed the dogs and myself.  When you are snowed in, you are on your own with what you have available.  When we ran out of dog food (it was frozen in the car) we started on lean meats from the freezer.  The dogs were ok with this program.

I lost a couple of snakes during that time-a virus has been going through my colony and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I lost a friend who was a young mother.  We did not, thankfully, lose power-my plan was just to go to sleep and die along with the animals-I had no energy to do anything else.

It's been a long road back and I'm still not there yet-but am moving in the right direction.  I can move around more easily now, stay up for longer times.  The Westminster Dog show was the first television show I was able to watch in over a month-sitting is still not the easiest thing to do.

Sometimes I get tired of explaining why "it's taking so long" to heal.  I'm going to be fifty-I fell from a height that is taller than my head.  Nothing broke-a lot of things got really banged up and bruised.  If you think YOU could do better, climb up to about 5 feet 7 inches and do a flop more or less straight down on your bottom.  Then get back to me.  Oh, and run 100 and something fever for several days, shaking and shivering on those sore muscles and don't eat for a week or so.  See how that works for you....LOL.

More and more I get amazed at how even older people in our society think there should be a pill or a treatment that is an instant cure.  We really have gotten completely out of touch with our bodies and how they work.  That statement includes me.  I've learned more about my buttocks and pelvic girdle than I ever knew existed.  I didn't quite realize that extent of the muscles that lurk there until they all got tied up in knots

Of course, we all know I'm getting better now as I'm willing to talk about it.  Being sick or injured always drives me deep inside.  I have some ideas why that might be-but it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things.

While perched on my heating pad, I've distracted myself with taking stock of things.  Some of those things are not pleasant to take stock of-but I am keeping my eyes open as I always do and will push through.

I'm going to set this to post on Monday-I like my haiku and I don't want to take away from it.  Priorities.


Mim said...

Healing is a long process and everyone wants immediate gratification. You fell hard! and to get sick on top of that is just too much. But you are right in allowing yourself the time to heal - you are so in touch with yourself.
I'm so sorry about your friend Deb - that is very tough to handle.

Glad to see you are back to watching Dog shows - that's a step in the right direction.

soulbrush said...

here i am deep in my own mental miseries, while you have been struggling for so long there, what a pity we couldn't have been together,helping each other. i know you are on the mend as i see your comments appearing again all over the blog, with that cheeky, funny wry way you have of expressing even the banal. so glad to see you around again, take it easy still,time is the biggest healer.

Lisa at Greenbow said...

Hang in there DK. I realize what a fall can do to you. I ended up having neck surgery a few years ago and I only fell from me feet to my bottom. It just takes time. I know you will feel better soon. Big Hugs ()()()()()

studio lolo said...

That cold week or so when you were ice bound and flu laden must have seemed like an eternity.
I'm glad you have the pack and I'm glad you're on the mend.

I'm really sorry you lost your friend. I wonder if she's one you had mentioned while we were on the cape. And your snakes, poor babies. I hope you've had it out with the breeder.

When is your birthday? I don't remember from last year and I'd really like to know . You can email me if you don't want to blab it!

I hope you're all healed by April ;)

kj said...

how to be your friend in times like this?

i am glad you are better, and man do i understand that healing takes time. this was (is?) something i don't like you handling by yourself. you can tell me to mind my own business :) but deb, it's too much.

you needed someone to help with meals, the animals, groceries, mobility. if necessary, money well spent.

maybe i'm so off base: did the snow prevent any help at all?

anyway, i surely am glad you're better. your honesty refreshes.

Debra Kay said...

Physical pain, mental pain-it's all pain. I learned a skill when I was in bad shape with muscle pain that perhaps will help with mental pain.

When the lightening bolt strikes-be it a leg ache or a heart ache-I mentally acknowledge it-I say to myself "Ok, this is the pain of the day"....(moment would sound better because you can have many pains in a day, but I started with day and day it is).

It seemed that labeling it took away some of the sting. I acknowedged that yeah, it hurt, but "of the day" implies it won't last.

It's harder to do it with head and heart pain, because they are taking up head space you need to remember to acknowldge-but it can be done.

Birthday is November 17 1960-yes, I'm 50 this year. I never planned to be 50 so I am trying to figure out what all that means too.

Debra Kay said...

KJ-here's the deal about the snow. It kept us socked in for a week. The virus was really bad and I considered calling an ambulance-but I was concerned that my folks would try to come to the hospital and hurt themselves, and there were the dogs and animals to consider.

I kept elevated and humidifiers blasting. Had my lungs gotten worse, I would have gone in-but beyond that and fluids, there is
nothing a hospital could have done.

By the time someone could have safely made it in-I was better to the point that I could figure how to manage things again-and figuring all that out was empowering.

I did have plenty of locals offer help-but by the time it would have been safe for them, it was pretty much covered.

I am going to be BETTER prepared next winter. The generator situation is not optimal-I didn't figure on being incapacitated. So, I am working through that now. We do have neighbors who would gladly helps us start them up, but I'd rather figure out a self sufficient method. I really was caught with my pants down-won't happen again.

Part of me is horrified at the experience-going potty in a bucket with a bad back is not easy. Part of me is thrilled-LOOK-I figured out real survival right here in town! It was horrifying during, thrilling after.

Michele said...

I know exactly how you feel. I got a sinus infection, then had a minor surgery and it has taken me 3 weeks to recover from something that normally would take a few days. Sick mixed with accidents/surgeries is never good. Hang in there.