Saturday, January 3, 2015


I am learning to grab moments when I can because there just aren't going to be big blocks of time for awhile.  I am learning to relish even a small joy, because that one tiny thing may be the thing that sustains you.  And, I am learning, really learning the true value of rest and not waiting till you just shut down completely before you rest.  In racing it's called pacing yourself.

I am also learning that pacing yourself is not a shortcoming.  Doing what you can do and then resting when you need to is actually more productive than allowing yourself to be so overwhelmed that nothing gets done at all.

Technology is such a double edged sword.  It keeps us in touch with people-but it can also result in telling and retelling each thing that happens to us.  I think it can keep us bogged down in yesterday's sadness or even yesterday's joy.  Yet, the passing on of knowledge and experience is what makes us human, at least in part.

I'm becoming interested in art again, in writing, maybe even painting or drawing.  I'm going to a painting thing in a couple of weeks-one of those painting party things where you paint a pet (and drink wine).  I'm looking forward to it.

It's been very hard to get back into the idea of being social again.  I kept up with flyball practice all through Mom and Dad's illnesses.  I just made up my mind it was the one thing I was going to hang on to-and I'm glad I did.  It kept me sane and my dogs sane-it was a good choice.  Training keeps you focused on the task and in the moment-always a good thing.  But I also need to venture into a little soul searching and abstract thought-a little bit at a time.

I am also working on my own health.  I finally went to see a doctor and was diagnosed with both osteo and rheumatoid arthritis.  I knew one or the other was coming-wasn't expecting both but I had premade the decision to start a immune suppressing drug if that was what was indicated-and it was.  I was not prepared for the feeling of doom this created.  After a few weeks I feel so much better and hopeful that I feel my decision was correct-I'd rather have less time but be able to move freely.  It was a quality of life choice and now that I can get around better I'm happy with the choice. 

So, there is life left within me still.  Mom is doing well and is very happy in her new home and I am ever so grateful it's what she wanted and not something I had to decide.  The rest of life is just continuing to unfold-but I'm looking forward to each thing as it comes-and learning not to label it-just letting it be what it is.  Too bad someone already wrote that song.

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