Monday, September 17, 2007

I really didn't think any of this would be this hard

Hah-moving back home-giving up a career I was done with anyway-piece of cake! Oh, and I while I work through that I might as well go have stomach surgery and lose weight since I'm having trouble walking anyway from February's surgery.

I read a line in a short story a long long (teenager) time ago about a middle aged housewife-it said, roughly-"sometimes she wanted to take the glass globe of her world and smash it against the wall just to see where all the pieces fell." I loved that line-still do. And I've done just that several times. Maybe too many times, but maybe not.

My parents world is very orderly and hasn't changed much in the 20 years since Dad retired. I guess the last change before that was me moving out.

Mom was talking about the price of oranges and how she wouldn't pay it and they'd just eat other things or canned fruit. In the midst of this I realized that Daddy has all his food brought in for him and prepared. The trade off is, he doesn't get oranges. Now if he wanted one he could go get one, but he doesn't really know that much about grocery stores.

When we were in California Daddy and Bill were dispatched to buy two boxes of cherries and they came back with a crate (4 boxes). Yes, the crate was a box too. But neither of them really had a clue as to quantity beyond what they intended to eat.

There are things I don't like about my life right now-the chaos, the clutter, the indecision. I could focus on organizing the house and kitchen, cooking and preparing my own food and taking care of Mom, Dad and Uncle John. But then I wouldn't know how many boxes of cherries to buy.

Cages are safe, and they have their price and rewards. The world is a little more scarey, but I can't seem to stay out of it. Of course, if I truly knew the cost of all this change and chaos, I probably wouldn't have undertaken it, so maybe that's one of those things it's best not to know in the beginning.


Michele said...

We were watching The Sound of Music last night and I remembered a childhood dream... it was to grow up and become a Nun. Not because I really wanted to worship G-d all day but more because it seemed like a safe place to live. A nice safe happy environment. Can't say that I didn't still think about it a bit last night during the movie.

Debra Kay said...

I wanted to either be a nun or have some kind of wasting illness that would leave me in the hospital, naturally thin and beautiful. Of course, I would then recover with the attention I would recieve but would remain thin and beautiful-I guess I took Love Story and wrote an alternate ending.