Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Task Mode

Today's tasks-take Uncle John to Dr. get him fed and shopped and back in time to meet the lumberjack who is going to chop down my big tree. Somehow I have to go pick up the cat before 6, but I can run do that while the tree is being chopped.

I keep talking about setting boundaries and schedules, but as I mentioned earlier this week, I'm not sure what it is I want. If you don't know what it is you want to achieve, how do you know if you are making progress?

I'm in the ever predictable cycle of angst, messy house and I'll just spiral down, clean the house and then it will be better. Part of the dance involves over scheduling so there is no time to clean the house.

Ahhhhh, the maid is coming on Friday to restore some order and sanity to my world. Time to doctor the dogs, saddle up and head out.

Ok, I m pretending not to know that the constant (so it seems) criticism, or rather the increased criticism is bringing me down. Hell I went shopping at night and snuck some clothes in so that no one could ask me where I got them or how much I paid. There is no good answer to that-today's shirt was on sale for 6.99 but Mom could have gotten it at the goodwill for 50 cents.

I've got to find a balance between shutting down completely and being open and just tryign to shrug it off. Maybe if I actually learned to shrug it off it would work, but how the hell does one learn to shrug things off?


Michele said...

OMG, my MIL is the exact same way. If I'd say I got something for free, she'd say she knew someone who would pay her to take it off their hands : ) I used to try to fight back but that never worked. So how do we learn to shrug it off? It's so hard not to take it personally. And part of me thinks my MIL just behaves that way because she is controlling. It is her way to CONTROL everything I do even if she can't stop me from doing something ... she makes me feel bad about it afterwards.

Debra Kay said...

Really the only thing we CAN control is how we feel about things. I WANT my parent's approval, but they don't seem to be capable of giving it for certain things. And part of it is a culture that I no longer understand. I was talking with Mom and a neighbor and the neighbor asked, "well, what did you buy at Target?" I hemhawed around, mumbled something about window shades and then said "ah, heck, I really don't know.". Mom and neighbor just blinked, not sure of how to respond.

Yes, it's true-I have toilet paper in my house and I don't know where it came from or how much I paid for it.