Thursday 13

1. This is Oliver, sorry, Mister Bird and Fugly-a traveling chicken. Oliver wasn't amused with Fugly and Fugly is no more-at least the traveling Fugly because people on the list kept not sending him on. Several other Fugly's live in my garage, awaiting their fate at the jaws of the dogs and other creatures.



2. This is Sonny's "birth picture" when he was emerging from his shipping bag, last fall. Sonny is a strange creature, even for a snake.


3. This is a local church, once described to me as "the Darth Vader church-the one that looks like Madonna's bra...."


4. This is another shot of Fugly-in the grass, before he left for Kentucky, Disney World and other great adventures before disappearing, more or less forever.


5. I actually enjoy anchovies-on pizza, on crackers-yes, I do.

6. My pizza now has to be gluten free-after trial and error and some unexplained puking and fever and yes, a rash, I realize I have a gluten intolerance (and I always thought I was such a tolerant person).

7. It's not, at this time Thursday, but Monday night. I'm watching Prissy tear up the living room, Oliver, who has decided, inexplicably, to perch on his food canister which was sitting on Prissy's crate (and only about 3 foot off the ground low for him), this screen and an FX version of League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. By the time you read this, it will BE Thursday and many things will have happened between now and then but I will still be marveling at the strangeness of time and sharing thoughts across it. While the internet may have killed distance, time died eons ago.

8. Prissy is no longer allowed out in the backyard with the other dogs. In addition to her recent skirmish, she's learned to tunnel under the fence. Much like a rat, if she can get her nose through, she can follow. Her last escape led her into a neighbor's yard where she was chased a Rhodesian Ridgeback mix. This is not a healthy pass time for a 3 pound dogs. Nor would it be a good thing for the other kids to learn.

9. I got a bareback pad (basically a leather pad with a cinch, no stirrups) and am going to attempt Natural Horsemanship-at least in the arena. Casper is 15.2 hands or 62 inches tall at the withers, which means his back is even with my forehead. With my current upper body strength, stirrup free mounting without a mounting block isn't a possibility. This is not particularly tall for a horse-but tall for a cowpony which is what I'm used to riding.

10. If I could time travel, I'd like to go visit the dinosaurs, see a living Tasmanian Tiger, a dodo, a megaladon, a mammoth, visit with Kahlil Gibran. (This assumes, ala Star Trek, that interference is not allowed.)

11. My musical influences include Alice Cooper, Johnny Cash and the Moody Blues.

12. I recently tossed out both recliners, but stacked two love seats one in front of the other-stadium seating and prop my feet up on the back of the front one. What can I say, I like it with my feet in the air! (Currently I'm slouched in the loveseat with my feet over the other, and my laptop piled in the middle of my lap. Prissy, finding nothing exciting, is now asleep next to me on a pile of important papers. Oliver is still chuckling on his food container.

13. I am thinking of getting another tattoo.

Oliver Update

AAAAAAAAH! Good good good! The woman left and when she came back I was in the living room watching TV. I was sitting on the couch so she put me on my perch, and found a wonderful new channel for me-Toddler Tunes.........YESSSSSSSSSSSSS

HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW

The woman's friend Jim Wakeland sent her this, and I've allowed it on MY day, because it is kind of gray, but with a shot of color, just like ME ME ME ME. Ok, the truth of the matter is, she wanted to put it on the blog, and I can't type. But STILL.

Can you believe Comcast nixed the Opera Channel? Jackasses! Yes, there I said it-big braying donkey jackasses. EEEE AWWWW EEEE AWWWWW EEEE AWWWWWW!.....Oh, that's fun. EEEEE AAWWWWW EEEE AWWWWWW EEEEE AWWWWWW. yes yes yes! Mr. Bird does a great jackass imitation.....eeeeee awwwwww EEEEEEEEEE AWWWWWWWWWWW Hah hah hah ha haaaaaaaaa! Hah! Well well well, Lordy, you can't be mad when you are braying like a donkey.

It's Tuesday Kiss My Ass

Yes, it's kiss my ass Tuesday. KMAT. If the word ass bothers you, skip this post. Might want to skip tomorrows too come to think of it, but on Thursday we will most likely be an ass free zone (with the exception of the blogger.....hah).

People/Things who can kiss my ass today include:

People who don't spend any time with their dogs-really, KISS my ass.

(the hysterical thing is when I sit down to write these, I immediately draw a blank on annoyances-might have some therapy value-using writer's block to feel better).

Writer's Block can KMA. Yes-kiss it. Bah, mental constipation. KISS MY ASS


The stupid alarm system that was in my house when I bought it and hasn't been hooked up in years but now wants to beep-KISS MY ASS. (I am considering reinstalling it, so I haven't ripped it out yet, but until I decide your fat quit beeping and oh yes KMA)

WEEDS growing in my rock garden-kiss it, kiss it real good. Soon you will be going the way of the dumbass monkey grass. Prepare to die, but before you do-KISS MY ASS.


A brief word about my ass, or rather the ass in the photo. I ordered it off Ebay to take to my cousin Phil for a joke, but the ass was broken in the move to Oklahoma. I didn't want to give him a broken old ass, but I've not thrown it away either. Little did I know it was waiting around to be the perfect mascot for KMAT. It's an antique, broken, chalkware ass but KMABCA just doesn't sound right-so KISS MY ASS.

Ah, and finally-people who don't reuse and recycle-KISS MY ASS TWICE (hah, that's KMAT Again....)oh, oh, I know...KMATT;, Kiss My Ass Two Times.

Lexicon refresher-KMAT Kiss my Ass Tuesday

KMAA-Kiss my Aching Ass (for those really tiresome annoyances)

KMATT-Kiss my Ass Two Times-for those doubly annoying annoyances.

Greyhounds and Others

I love brindle! This is Tip and TO (short for Time Out, not Terryl Owens). TO ran quite a few races before retiring, well over a hundred. Tip, well, Tip is more of a lover I think. They are wearing their donation dog coats (with pockets for donations) and they made a nice chunk of change (over 40 bucks) when we usually get 0.




That's me in the corner with TO-the shot was really of Blade the doberman puppy.  Last month Blade was about knee high, this month he's almost as tall as the greyhounds.  I haven't seen myself in months-at least in a photo.  It's always interesting (to me) to see photos, even though they sometimes horrify me.  I've been sitting with the hounds for a couple of hours at this point, so I look pretty laid back.  I'm wearing grey cargo pants, clearly a fashion no no-but great for hanging out at a Petco with dogs-lots of room for treats, clicker and a safe pocket for keys.


My first thought upon seeing this photo when I downloaded it from the camera was "I really DO look like a normal person".  Upon further reflection, due to the print of my shirt, I look like a person with no visible arms, but my head looks normal, don't you think?

Cactus Monday-Playing with WC IV

My new scanner thing is here, but it's not hooked up yet, so photo will do for this week. I spent some time trying to find a NOT multi use machine-because if one thing (in this case an ink door) goes missing on these things, nothing will work. I never print, I just wanted a scanner. But the good news is you can get a scanner printer for much less than the price of the first scanner I ever bought. Progress.

My first scanner was a sheet fed HP, my brother bought it for me for a Graduation Present from Grad school-it was probably the biggest (price wise) present I ever got in my life for something like that. I finally let it go after it had been out of service and replaced by a flatbed with higher resolution, but oh how I loved that scanner!

My brother still has (in some form) pieces of my original computer-probably just the case at this point. I think it had something like 10K of memory-yes, K, not G.

This has little to do with cactus, other than the picture, so I'll quite rambling and post.

Oh Horrors!

The Opera Channel has been dropped from our Cable line up. I don't know how to tell Oliver-in fact, I'm not going to-just going to get him a CD. He never watches the video part and it's just pictures and factoids anyway.

We had a good day at the Greyhound Rescue event-one adoption application, several donations. I love going and sitting with the dogs and visiting. The people who run this rescue are very laid back and low pressure, and always appreciative of everyone's efforts.

Last week I forgot why I banned squeaky toys from the house and gave the kiddos a squeaky skunk. It really hasn't been so bad, so today I bought some squeaky Kong tennis balls-Molly is mesmerized. I bring it in when I go inside, making it a high value toy. Not that Molly needs one-she'd sell her soul for a ginger bear.

Mom and Dad both have the flu, so I am watching them closely. It's a toss up who is crankier. Heaven help me.

Pergola's Progress

My reluctance to put anything ON my pergola has been a topic of discussion and some derision (just another thing you won't use). But I've been letting the pergola sit there while I think about what I want to use it for (at least for now). I really didn't put it up to have weddings on, despite opinions to the contrary.

Today I put my favorite patio table (small) with matching metal chairs on it. They've faded a bit and match the deck quite well. I can sit and visit, or sit and eat breakfast. Then I brought my plastic resort style chaise out of the backyard and washed it off and put it on as well. THEN I laid down on the chaise and looked up.

The lattice on roof and sides made shadows all over the place, including me. The lines of the decking where mesmerizing. Best of all was watching the clouds march across the lattice roof grid.

There will be times when I may toss on an extra table and chair set for a party. They are always as close as the dog room. But for me, and for what I need, and what I want to do, I like my little zen den. It's right next to my rock garden, and I can see my cinder block garden from it as well. I LIKE it that it's not connected to the house-it's separate, but not far. It's open, but not exposed.

I contemplated what it was I needed to get away from. I live alone. But this seems like a good place to go to get away from the noise in my head-a treehouse for someone who doesn't climb trees.

When does the celebration start?

I was born in 1960, and as this is 2009, in November I will be 49. (Do you see where this is heading?) So, in 2010 I will turn 50. There, I said it.

I've always thought I'd do something to mark the event. At 30, I had a lobster dinner at a friend's house with black napkins, etc. 40 I barely noticed (but my staff brought me a German Chocolate Cake and trashed my office). 50 feels like something I need to orchestrate myself.

So, I need to decide what I want to do, and make it happen, but I'm confused about when it should happen. I'm pretty sure that I will choose swimming with the Great White Shark. I can do the less expensive package off the Farallons, it's one day thing, and my birthday is in the middle of "shark season". But, I'm also thinking of doing the weeklong packaged from San Diego to Guadalupe-that's a summertime thing, but the water is warmer and clearer. So, would I do it summer 2010 or summer 2011? I'm totally not sure about that one.

Or, do I say screw it, book a day trip to the Farrallon's this fall, with the plan to go to Guadalupe the following year if I come up empty handed? I've been working on upper body strength, because other than appearing in a wet suit in public, not being able to haul out of the cage quickly is my biggest fear. Face to face with the shark, no problem, turning my back on it and dangling my legs in the water while I crawl out-nightmare city.

There are other shark tours to be sure, but if I do one, I want to go straight to the one of my heart-my beautiful Great Whites.

I thought maybe Casper would soothe that savage beast, but loving one thing doesn't mean you can't love another too. I've never been happy when I felt like I had to choose one or the other. (Strangely enough, I've never been promiscuous either.)

Hmmm, maybe I should take up promiscuity for my 50th year....Ha ha. Not.

I thought about making a list, ala Soulbrush, but 50 things before 50 seems like a huge task. But, I could break it down into different categories-like emotionally hard but inexpensive, fun but expensive (GW shark), good for the soul, but inexpensive....I will give that some more thought as well. Might be fun to "countdown" to the big day. It's starting to be a "looming thing" so tacking it head on and publicly might be just the ticket. Soul is a pretty smart cookie, but we knew that.

I've mentioned it in passing, but this is the first time I've ever really sat and thought about the big 5-0. Part of me thinks it's silly to even think about it at all, but I don't want to find out later I spent far too long leading up to it dreading it when a little forethought and action could have made it all right.

Thursday 13

1. I thought this strange accident looked a little like a Monet. (Photo not edited).


2,Attention is so easy to grab when cheese doodles are involved.


3. My new pergola. With this, plus last year's carport, I have succeeded in covering most of the front yard. I like being outside, but I like being in the shade and out of the wind. My nosey neighbor is stalking my pergola-already hinting she'd like to have her daughter's graduation and her niece's wedding on it. I finally just said "look, I can't even get my shit together to have my own family over-so I won't be taking reservations for anyone else for awhile."


4.Pasht claims the rock garden, between the pergola and the house, as her own. I wish she'd assist in the grass and weed removal, an ongoing project.


5. Miscellaneous doo dads in the rock garden.


6.The dead grass of die die dumbass monkey grass fame.


7. Molly's rather bulbous nose.


8. Moon's fierce slashing teeth. (Have to use your imagination a bit on this one).


9. Grandma rock looks happy to be in the garden. She and Granpa Rock wintered on the carport roof holding down a loose tin.


10. Grandpa and Grandma went from the roof to the garden-they haven't made it back to the rock garden yet. My nosey neighbor asked me "what those masks meant", and I said "they are rocks, not masks, and they mean I like them." I'm usually not that abrupt, but I was planting in the sun, had already answered 8 questions about what I was planting, said no to using my pergola for a public venue and said if I had any veggies left over, I'd give her some, after an in depth report on what I did with each veggie and herb. She doesn't clue into the Okie shorthand-if the person doesn't stop working, that means they don't want to visit right now.


11. The garden looks bare, but this year I'm trying something new-allowing spaces for the plants to grow. Maybe it will improve my yield. The side garden is almost planted as well, and I planted mint in pots, three kinds-Lime, Peppermint and Chocolate Mint. Mint tends to run amuck if you don't contain it in something. I also planted two patio tomatoes-I just couldn't NOT plant a tomato.


12. Moon tries the fierce teeth thing again, with little more success than last time.



13. One more try, nope, his eyes were shut and he was smiling. No fierceness today.

HAW-and Happy Earth Day

Well well well well-Happy Earth Day and Happy Animal Wednesday! Lordy Lordy-I KNOW I'm not that round. What was the woman thinking?

She planted her garden yesterday and discovered "all that land" wasn't enough for everything she had planned to plant. I advised her to focus on those items that we could ALL eat, particularly me. But, she did pop in a six pack of Serrano Peppers, and Me ME ME, MR. BIRD, is the only one who eats those. Yes Yes Yes!!!

Since she's cut back on my peanuts I've decided it's ok to eat beans and organic rice, and I just downright LIKE sweet potatoes. But seeds seeds, bah. I'll eat sunflower seeds, but MILLET offends me. That's for the budgies, not Mr. Mr. Bird! Pretty soon the clover will bloom and I'll send her outside to pick some clover flowers for me-those are tasty tasty tasty.

The old woman down the street has been keeping me supplied with plenty of egg yolks. She was throwing them out, but now she saves them and my woman goes down and gets them and cooks them for all of us. She mumbles something about cannibalism, but it SAYS in the book egg yolks are good for birds, so we all get our fair share, even the furry ones. I am oh so helpful, when I see the yellow yolks I start chanting EGG EGG EGG so that she doesn't get sidetracked and forget what she should be doing.

The budgies will eat egg biscuits from the store-I throw them OUT of my cage. No, only freshly cooked eggs will pass THIS beak. Only the best for me me me, mr. mr. BIIIIIIIIIRD!!!!!!!!

(PS-don't I look SILLY without nostrils?)

And here is an EarthDay cactus from Jim Wakeland Here's looking at YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Red dirt

Cactus Monday-Playing with WC III

Senita on an Acid Trip?


I wanted to try another off color cactus.


The card stock was bright yellow, not white-don't know why it didn't show up that way.


Happy Cactus Monday Cactuteers.

Mamma Green Eyed Spider

Yesterday I puttered around in the yard.  I attacked the stupid monkey grass  that refuses to die.  I used  my super duper, use your feet and don't bend over weed remover thing from Fiskars.  I attacked it so vigorously I almost fell over, I don't do one foot things very well.  This attack comes after pouring a GALLON of Kilz All on the stuff earlier this week.  ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK-I started chanting softly-"die die you stupid ass monkey grass....." and that is when I realized my neighbor was standing quietly off to one side, watching.  We chatted for a bit.

I moved on to dirt removal from the cinder block garden.  I removed a couple of loads down the street to Mom's extra pots and a low spot in her yard.  I removed a couple more to another neighbor's low spots dug by said neighbor's  large dog.  My dogs helped me in this process and pretty soon I was filthy, my dogs were filthy and the neighbor's dog was a little dirty too.  Apparently, in the spring it's a lot of fun to stand under a streaming barrel of dirt.  Who knew?

During the dirt removal I noticed a big hairy black neon green eyed spider who was behaving very aggressively.  This is unusual.  USUALLY, both the hairy neon green eyed spiders and their neon blue eyed hairy counterparts are very laid back.  So I carried her over to the cedar tree, and she got MORE aggressive rather than jumping happily onto the cedar tree as planned (by me).  

"What the hell is your problem?" I snarled at her.  I was hot, I was pretty much over the whole yard frenzy and just wanted to clean up.  I put her back in the cinder block garden and she jumped right back on my shovel.  What a brat!

Then, she ran inside the little hole where the handle goes into the shovel.  And I knew.  Sure enough, I turned the shovel over, and there was her web and her egg case.  So, I told her to sit tight, and she did, and we finished our chores together.  I carried the shovel back to where I got it from, and leaned it up against the wall, and she popped out and ran and sat on the handle.

I don't make these things up-they just happen.  Thank God.

Well

I seem to curl up and go catatonic a lot LESS than I used to.  I suppose that is progress.

No matter how bad I feel....

Oliver can crack me up.  It is futile to try to feel stressed or depressed around that bird.

He puts different things together to make up "stories" that never really happened and it gets me giggling every time.  Today's giggle was "Well, well WELL.....PRISSY....sit (clicker sound)  Good!  Good Prissy. Well Well Well, PRISSY, NO, NO BITING. GO LAY DOWN!!!!  Ha ha ha"

Now, I don't give negative commands except to Oliver the bird-dogs can't understand them.  And I don't give compound commands-Go means one thing, Down another, and I don't use the term "lay" with the dogs.  And the laughter at the end makes me believe he (Oliver) is aware of what he's doing-he understands the humor in a dog that doesn't bite.

He really seems to get a kick out of telling stories where other animals are being naughty (and not good, good Mr. Bird).

HAW HAW the joke is on YOU (you you)!

I am sure that most of the United States would be better off celebrating Animal Wednesday than the IRS Deadline for filing personal income taxes.  So, let me get this straight-you give money all throughout the year, then once a year you report to see if you gave enough or owe more?  This is just another prime example of  how humans overcomplicate things.

Last week I never could get straight how the Easter Bunny, A Ham and Crucify-ication were related.  And while not everyone celebrates Easter, the Battle Against Chocolate was pretty much Universal.  I do not eat chocolate (or avocados) but everything else is pretty much fair game, and I eat all I want, or rather all the woman will let me eat.  She can be a brute.

None of this has anything to do with the picture of the Molly busy pulling on the woman's boot string.  I just liked the picture, it's Animal Wednesday and I don't feel nearly the need to make sense that you humans do!  Oh yeesssssss, it's GOOD TO BE MR. BIRD, MR. BIRDY BIRD BIRD!

Casper has a girlfriend, a pretty lass if I do say so myself.


She's with the mares, he with the geldings, but they spend part of each day nuzzling.


Maybe I should change his name to Casper-nova.

A Rare Political Commentary (complete with cussing)

Here in the good old US of A, we have this thing called freedom of choice. B. Obama, last I checked, was a citizen.  Where he gets his dog has nothing to do with his job, his duty to the country or anything that is anybody else's business but his immediate family's.

I feel bad that he feels the need to cite allergies, etc.  I, for one, wish he'd just say "I picked that dog  because that's the dog I wanted-kiss my ass if you don't like it."

I support animal rescue and I support ethical breeders.  They are not mutually exclusive.  The dog overpopulation problem has very little to do with ethical breeders and everything to do with people who are ignorant about what true dog ownership involves.  Shutting down all the breeders and dictating that we all rescue shelter dogs is not going to change the problem-the problem people will STILL get their dogs wherever, and then allow them to breed.

I'd like to make up T-shirts that say "CAUSE I WANTED TO-KISS MY ASS IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT"  but only rednecks would wear them and they'd wait till they ended up at the thrift store for 99 cents.

Other T-shirts I'd like to make:

I LIKE my chihuahua-KISS my ass if you don't.

I LIKE my snakes-KISS my ass if you don't.

I LIKE......ok, you get the idea I'm sure.

Maybe I should just make one that says 

I LIKE SAYING KISS MY ASS

Things You Wish You Could Shout (But Don't)

I'm not abnormal YOU are.......

Cactus Monday-Playing with WC II

This was my first effort.


Then I wanted to paint one where all the colors were "wrong". It seemed to need an eye hovering over it, so I put one on it.


Happy Spring and Happy Cactus Monday!

Casper says Happy Easter!

No Matter How Hard I try

My paw is not going to be as big as a grizzly's.

Molly, Moon and the Giant Easter Egg

Check out Molly's side in the Moon/Molly photo-she has a Moonshadow!

OOOOOOOOklahoma

OKC skyline-we have more big trucks than big buildings.

The nicest store in OKC is a sporting goods store.

An oil derek at the stable. I still think they look like mechanical T-rex!
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An very ornate bison.

Oh Lady Wind

Oh, Lady Wind-don't you have something better to do
Than blow around my head, making me sneeze kerchooo
Oh, Lady Wind-please blow the clouds away
Bring the flowers and sun, and let them stay, stay, stay

Ok, I have no idea where that came from or why it popped into my head. Perhaps, confronted with blank space, I felt the need to fill it-with wind?

It orignally started out as Mister Wind-but who says Ladies can't be windbags too? Certainly not me!

Do you ever wonder about people (Animal Wednesday)

The woman has been working with the Molly a lot lately-she uses that clicker thing and treats. The thing is, she's teaching her the exact same things she taught the Moon-Sit, Down, blah blah blah. Click click click...GOOD Dog. Yay! I find myself repeating those words a lot lately...SIT SIT, CLICK CLICK, Good Dog, Down......Yaaaaaaay. Humans get such enjoyment out of the silliest things. Imagine THAT, a dog, SAT DOWN. Wow.

Now, frankly, I think the dogs are fine, but the woman seems a bit, well, limited if you know what I mean. Still, she brings me craps and nuts and thinks I'm very clever.

Sitting is such a strange concept. Birds don't do it. Now, tell the truth-did YOU ever think about that? No, not likely, because you are all human centric (and perhaps limited). But birds, fish and snakes NEVER sit. We higher order animals just aren't built for it. Bugs may or may not sit, but who cares? Not MR. BIRD MR. BIRD, Mr. Birdy Birdy BIIIIIIRRRRRRRD!

Actually, we don't lie down either. Is that why humans are so fascinated by animals who DO sit and lie down-because we can't?

Happy Animal Wednesday and enjoy your special talent-the ability to SIT.........HAW!

Updates on Three Amigos

This guy's fate is still up in the air-it's been a roller coaster ride for all concerned. My faith is unshakeable that he'll end up where he's safe, we just aren't sure where/how it's all going to come about.



This handsome young man is moving to his new stable to be closer to me. I can't wait!


This handsome young fellow is recovering nicely from his surgery.