That was going to be my treat for the day-total immersion. Poxy pox pox on it all. How DARE the world stop turning when I need it to run smoothly?
I've procrastinated posting this, because I'm torturing myself with the idea of staying on for the weekend. Mom fears abandonment above all things, cranky folk often do. So, rather than go stick my head up my ass in a hotel, I will slog it out here facing what needs to be faced.
We've fallen in to an uneasy rhythm. I "sleep" during breakfast-food prep times are the worst here. Then I get up and try to suck down some soy milk with my coffee. I leave for "lunch" although today was nice-it's Friday and they eat out, so I got the whole house to myself. When they come back, I'll go do a few errands even if I have to make some up. I drink soup for dinner.
There is wisdom in running out when you need to, when enough is enough. But stretching yourself means learning when you can do more and doing it. Why move back to Oklahoma to face the truths about yourself and your family only to run off again?
Sometimes, you avoid a longer misery by taking on the short term misery. But MOST times, I supsect we really don't have internal wisdom or guidance, we just make a decision and stick with it. So, for now, I'm holding.
(You got to know when to hold em, know when to fold em........DAMN YOU KENNY ROGERS!!!!!!!!!!)