I took all the dogs to the kennel and came back here to my folks. If I can't hack it I will go to a motel. It's insane to freeze to death to save "face"-anyone's face. And, on a practical note, it would probably be less embarrassing to my folks to explain that I was at a motel than to have to haul my frozen ass out of the house.
I am nothing if not pragmatic.
The snakes are gone. In order that no one feel any misplaced guilt I told my parents that they were gone yesterday but they actually died more slowly, although not painfully. I kept checking on them and would have ended it immediately if there had been any pain. Only one who hurt at all was me, and I've tried to keep my crying to a minimum and carefully out of sight.
No, I'm not crawling up on a cross here. My grief would create tension for my parents who would then feel the need to attack ME for being sad-so it's pure survival at this point. And I say that without any rancor or with very little. My parents don't like snakes, hate them in fact, and I do. I can no more expect them to like them than they can expect me not to. So, snake grief is just something I keep to myself-I just never expected to get hit with such a load of it.
What's mildly annoying is that with all the news coverage of all the people in bad situations right now (this is a big time disaster), I get jumped on for any display of self pity on my part. Big time. The good news is, staying with my parents has freed me from the need for any form of self abuse-they are so good at it that I've decided to lighten up on myself for the duration.
Families suck sometimes. Because these people are not, I repeat, truly not, monsters. But they have no empathy whatsoever, the empathy button is just completely missing. Or maybe, they disconnected it to keep themselves sane a long time ago. Or, more likely, time and progressive dementia has disconnected it for them. Shit shit shit.
Sometimes it sucks to call a thing what it is. Denial is a warm tropical river, I'd like to go there now please.