Monday, December 17, 2007

Sun Arise, Oh Oh Oh, Sunrise....

That (Sunrise) was probably Alice Cooper's only upbeat song, at least the only one I can remember.

I came home, watched Dexter, drank some Melatonin and crashed. I tried really hard not to think about anything, and for the most part I succeeded. There is much to process, much to clean up and some revisions to make. The snakes departure has given me another room to work with, so I will spend a bit more time (hah) rethinking things. I'll probably leave the original hardwoods down and at long last will have my studio.

(The theory behind not replacing the floors in that room was that I could do as I pleased, and if I sell the house I'll put down laminate to match the rest of the house at that time....clever girl.)

Yesterday I pulled my calendar out and asked Mom to pick a day that she wanted to go help clean out John's old place. "Any day but today-think about YOUR schedule"....and she picked Wednesday. Brilliant, because that buys me two days of whatever I want to do....except of course for Water Aerobics today....ok, I don't get whole days right now, but it's a start and a good one.

Back when John could remember things like days, we used the calendar to map out plans-but they only work if you can remember them. When he began to forget, so did I.

I also have new words in my arsenal..."Don't worry about it"...this is apparently old people's code for "It's taken care of" and it will help silence them.

Back in my own nest I can lick my wounds, mourn the dead, and process what I've learned for a better future for all of us. Tenacious. That's me.

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