Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Ice Ice Baby

I did get through to OG&E. I'm on the list now but since I'm an isolated pocket of outage I will be way down on the list.

I call every few hours to see if the kennel is online and with power. If I can get the little ones to a warm kennel I will go find a motel or stay in my house (it's not really THAT cold outside).

There have been some good moments-seeing Bitty curled up in Daddy's lap. Watching TV with Mom. But they aren't enough to keep me going. I can't eat I'm so tense-not knowing what will set Mom off. It takes her a couple of hours to calm down and she makes sure everyone knows she is displeased by slamming doors, frowning, sighing etc.

Worse than displeasing her is making her somehow go after Daddy. Last night I was explaining (as I washed out my protein shaker) that I am just used to being self reliant and didn't want to be a bother. That started a whole diatribe about how everyone should be that way-she was getting ready to make EVERYONE self sufficient.

It's like every thing I do can be used against me or someone I love. With an agressive dog, you just hold them until theys settle down. Parent's are more lethal in what they say.

Yes, my Mom is really out of control, but with services down all over the city, now is not the time to insist she get help. I have to keep my wits about me and make sure everyone is safe and as least agitated as possible. I am truly here now only for the little dogs, I'd be bundled up safe at home if it weren't for them. But the two old ones wouldn't survive it.

So, right now I'm bundled up in the spare room trying to stay out of the way. It seems to work better if I just stay out of the living room and let Mom have her regular schedule.

I have to get some distance and get calm enough to go see John. I don't want him to pick up on my distress it just makes him more uneasy. This really is my childhood nightmare relived, trying to control what happens around me by ME doing the right thing....if I can figure out what to do/say how to act everything will be ok.

Piss on that. Everything is NOT OK. In fact it sucks big time. My only consolation is that I am choosing this purgatory right now for the benefit of my dogs. Power will be restored and it will get better. But these past few days have shattered any illusion that I had remaining about a nice, quiet life in OKC.

I've jumped out of the frying pan into the fire.


Anonymous said...

oh wow.

Anonymous said...
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Mim said...

Wow is right. you poor you.

Debra Kay said...

Nah, I'm not going through anything that millions of others aren't-I'm just insane enough to right about it.