Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Looking for the Hopeful Tomorrow

Do you ever struggle just to find something good to say and can't? Yet, you don't want to say nothing at all. I don't want to write about my "black mood"; according to beliefnet.com I am having a bad day. No, really? Thank you for your holiday quiz.

There is something ungrateful and taboo about being grumpy on Christmas Day. And yet, I am, and I have every right to be. I also have a lot of good things going on in my life too. Come on, rational mind, kick in and lighten the mood.

Errr, nope, it isn't going to happen. This is just one of them thar days where I can manage to annoy myself. It's like trying to blog right through writer's block, it just doesn't always work.

We were talking about competition today and my Mom said "isn't the point that most people lose?" and I found that so sad. Because I really look at it from the other side-"some people win". It reminded me of that alien race of toys in Small Soldiers-the ones who were designed to never win the game. The leader's name was Archer.

Another Momism from today..."I make do with what I have, isn't that what you are supposed to do?"....well, I've always worked to get what I wanted myself.

And the difference is, hope. I have this undying belief that I can figure it out, make it better and push on. Mom battens down the hatches and survives on what she has.

My parents pretty much live life in a world that is 900 SQF. and life is what they say it is. It's safe for them, and I think for the most part they are happy. At least they are happier on 49th street than "Out there..."

But my little patch of 49th street is just an outpost to a much larger world. And, the fundamental difference, I believe, is hope.

7 comments:

singleton said...

"And, the fundamental difference, I believe, is hope"

Clink!ya on that one, girl! That's pretty much so what keeps me pluggin' along, high or low, deep or wide, the absolutely stubborn belief that yup, good is gonna come! Wishing you peace and hope come true!

Switchsky said...

I'm thinking a chocolate chip cookie might help...

on the 27th, of course.

Mim said...

grrr...two days of cooking in strange kitchens. Two days of "why don't you just.....". Two days of "can you drive your aunt home, and by the way buy her something on the way home" - two days of this and I'm cranky too, despite all my good intentions.
I'm going downtown today and be alone and enjoy myself!

kj said...

yup. hope. smart woman, you are, debra kay. i've also found that it's important for me to remember i am separate from others, including parents, and not to let their issues become mine (hint hint)

:)

Debra Kay said...

Hang in there to all of us! I did myself a world of good and watch back to back issues of Dog Whisperer. My dogs are better behaved today and so are my parents...because MY energy is better.

KJ posted something one day "given the situation what are you going to do..." and that has helped me more than once. I can't make my parents young again, I can't do a lot of things I'd like to. But realizing my limitations is essential for my sanity-it's the hopeful side-if I try just a little bit harder...aaaagh.

Mim, wish I could go downtown with you. I'd like to go to Whole Foods-that always settles me down.

Singleton good will come. I truly believe it. Always will. Why fight it?

Switch, I've been thinking about having one "holiday treat" and I honestly can't think of one I'd like to have. Ok, maybe a full on Chai Tea Soy Latte-loaded with sugar but good for the soul....Or some really good soy ice cream.

Prozacville said...

"Isn't the point that most people lose?"

I know she annoys the shit out of you, but I'm developing a soft-spot for your Ma. And the quote above is pure glass-half-emtpy Prozacville.

Debra Kay said...

Oh yeah. I have a soft spot for cranky dogs, and I know exactly why-they remind me of my mother. And I'm not trying to call her an old bitch-I really, literally DO have a soft spot for cranky old dogs.