Sunday, March 9, 2008

A Flash of Enlightenment

I was listening to "The Power of Now" by Eckardt Tolle on audiobooks. I really love the whole audiobook thing by the way. Focus...I was listening to the Power of Now as I lay in bed and suddenly a feeling came over me. Hot and clammy and shaking. I started to get a little excited, believing that this was IT, the Cosmic Orgasm where I become enlightened.

Sadly, I soon realized it was a hot flash, and that I hadn't taken any estrogen since falling ill and puking up anything that I put down my throat. Worse, I was out of the cream the doctor gave me as a premarin alternative, so muttering an "I'm sorry" to the nameless mares I took some premarin.

It was an enlightenment of sorts. It does explain the funk I have been unable to shake, despite being on a full dose of Prozac again.

This is the second time a hot flash has overtaken me in a somewhat spiritual moment. The first was at a Catholic Mass. I tried to join the church, but apparently arguing with the parish priest about sex and marriage is not viewed with pleasure. I've often wondered if some of those middle aged evangelical types are mistaking hormones for the hand of God.

What if the witches of Salem where just suffering from early menopause or Polycystic Ovaries or something of that nature?

Our bodies are deep mysteries even today when we know so much about them. We are so quick to blame events on deities or supernatural things, yet orgasms, hot flashes, giving birth-these are all powerful experiences unto themselves. For that matter, so is a good meal or a good dump.

I'm watching the cat snooze on her shelf (the one she knocked all the stuff off of and claimed) in the sun. She doesn't sit and marvel at the atomic forces that bring the heat down from all that distance, she just enjoys the sun. And she may be closer to God that I am.


studio lolo said...

This is priceless! I've been sick for nearly 6 weeks now and in the midst of it all I realized I hadn't been using my estrogen patch. I decided to get rid of it, after all I've been using it for 13 years and it's meant to be short term. I had a hysterectomy young though, so doc wanted me to keep it up for a while. Amyway, I have been gloomy and mopey, not my usual self but I chalked it up to the virus from hell that was zapping the life out of me. I cut my dose by half, stuck that quarter patch on last night and by gosh today I feel almost human!
Your story is so much more funny and interesting though. That's why I like coming here.
As far as the horsies go, maybe you could ask your doctor for the Climara patch. As an animal lover, I know you'd feel better about it.

Mim said...

Oh boy, this is the second time today I have talked about hormones. I am on Prometrium and I don't think enough of it. I am getting very mopey and cranky and am going back to the Dr. to discuss options again. I never did think that a hot flash was a religious experience tho' - but once did think it was a panic attack.

Debra Kay said...

Hot flashes are just the pits. For me, I usually get an aura, a single feeling, right before I have one-it's like a physical manifestation of the downward spiral and once it starts, you just have to wait till it's good and ready to be finished.

Forever Young said...

okay ladies, let's talk 'meenie menos''s the pits!!! i went 'through' the menopause about seven years ago and i still get the odd hot flush/flash/crash...shit i hate being a woman sometimes..what with 'hors moaning' and 'meenie' whatevers, we don't stand a fucking chance of feeling 'good' for any length of time, let's just face it and shoot ourselves right now...grin!!!

Michele said...

I'm glad you are enjoying the book. I started to buy it ... I even joined Oprah's book club but then I backed out. I'm just reading mindless fiction right now which I guess is OK.

Fern said...

spontaneous combustion?

Debra Kay said...

As human beings, we've extended our lifespans beyond our biological purpose-to reproduce, so it seems like we need to elevate ourselves to a higher purpose. Not sure what that is.