Saturday, August 25, 2007

Wow, I'm really a mess

Sold the kayak, almost aborted the horse project, DID buy 10 horned lizards for breeding. They are threatened and my new deal is to collect, breed critters whose habitat is threatened. Of course, that really applies to almost every species on the planet. But, I have been thinking a lot about horney toads-well, maybe not a lot. But I've thought of them several times lately-how I never see them anymore and how much I enjoyed them as a kid. I saw a lot of 10 for sale, I have the rack space, so why not.

With the sick dog, sick Uncle and aging parents, its kind of nice to have a project that is hopeful and future looking. I'm just in no shape to go off and join the peace corp or picket but I can feed ants to lizards and maybe something good will come of it. I mean really, at this point a small dream is all I can manage, but its better than no dream at all.

I also got a good idea for a good feature story-Odd Farms. I already know of a Rat Farm, a bunch of Snake Farms and I've got lines on others as well. Just got to pitch it, sell it and write it.

I've decided to keep much of my "business" activities to my self for now. I know Mom and Dad are frustrated with my apparent lack of initiative, but bless their heart, they can kill a budding young idea quicker than an April Frost. Old people ARE wise, but not necessarily about what will and won't work in modern business or popular culture. That is a hard thing to realize. In spite of my ever present need to have my own way, I always liked to believe my parents really knew everything that a person needed to know. And they DO, if that person wants to live their life in the same neighborhood with minimal contact to the outside world.

Well, not THIS kid. I've been as far as Dallas Texas! Ok, that was for dramatic effect, I've actually been further down the road.

Point is, I need to take care of my own dreams while I take care of them, because, in the end, the dreams are what I will have left.

I did revisit the urban chicken idea-but was horrified with myself as I watched little banties and calculated how many I could use as snake food today, raise, etc.....I wasn't all that horrified, but the sales lady who came up and said "aren't they just adorable?" probably would have been. Then I realized I was the only woman in the farm store with multiple tattoos, piercings and an undershirt instead of a bra. I just didn't BELONG.

But that isn't true-I bought some things I needed, got some ideas. I just wasn't like everyone else in the store. I'm working really hard to acknowledge this and get over it. Part of coming home to Oklahoma was to explore what it would be like to be the me I've become while I was away. Heaven help the sooner state.

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