Sunday, August 30, 2009

Some Days and Sun Days




Some days I want to drink my coffee out of this cup
Or that cup
Or I might even want to switch cups mid morning
(I wash the cups, so KMA)
Today I just pulled out the Bubba Keg Jr.
And poured up all I intend to drink for the morning
Some days you just want the answer right there at hand

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Things that make you go Hmmmmm

Yesterday, while smoking a turkey breast (in the smoker, not a joint) I pulled up the cucumber vines.  On the vine was a brown mantis-so I carried her over to the vines on the fence so she could continue to hunt.  This morning I did a little googling.  I have friends who collect and raise mantids and other insects, so I was curious.
OMIGOD-they have some big old jaws don't they?  What I find hilarious is that as a child I was afraid of grasshoppers, but not mantis.  It just goes to show that judgement based on shape isn't a very good measure of safety or lack thereof.  Actually, I think it was more the movement-grasshoppers flop around and mantis usually don't.  Apparently, with those big old jaws, they don't have to.
I guess this post is just my way of saying "I'm here this morning, and how are you?"

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Thursday 13 Things You Should NEVER ask at a cocktail party

Michele got this rant started. First, definition of cocktail party is in order. In this case, I am speaking of a group of people who are not all in the same "inner circle". They may have shared friends, but not everyone has buried a body for everyone else. It's the old fashioned kind of get together they used to have in those black and white movies, pre-reality television.

In such cases, I believe a person should observe the following rule-Nothing more personal is to be discussed than ANYONE would feel comfortable discussing with the least known person in the crowd. While YOU may be bosom buddies with everyone, person A and person B may have just met. Another good rule is to ask yourself this: "would I feel comfortable addressing this question to everyone in the group?"...

Case in Point-

Question 1-If you wouldn't say "did everyone have sex last night?" then for the love all that is holy, don't ask me if "I got lucky". I had a lady boss get mad at me one time when she asked me that over the water cooler and I replied "how many orgasms did you have last night?"

Question 2-How much weight have you lost? If there are more than two people in the room, chances are the person who is now on the spot does not want to say. Losing weight is often thought of as a cause for celebration-but socially it is a tight rope over the fiery pit of hell. The more weight you've lost, the harder people who didn't know you when you were heavier will try to imagine what you did look like. If it's a big crowd, chances are there is someone who looks like you used to look who is now wanting to crawl under the carpet and die and you know, without a doubt, exactly how that feels.



Question 3-Do you want/are you going to have children/more children? There is no way to answer this question that isn't going tick someone off or hurt someone's feelings. If you don't know the person well enough to already know the answer, you shouldn't be asking the question. RUDE RUDE RUDE

Question 4-Did that tattoo hurt? That is the dumbest fucking question on the face of the earth, and I am still asked that at least once a week.

Question 5-What kind of deal did you get on that.......whatever. Car, house, job offer. People who know you'd tell them to get stuffed in private tend to ask that in social situations because they think you won't tell them to get stuffed in public. I say, tell them to get stuffed.

Question 6-Would you donate to.....Good grief, talk about putting someone on the spot.

Question 7-Why aren't you eating/drinking? There is no good answer for this one, maybe you don't like the cake, maybe you are on a diet, maybe you ate before you came to the party. I loathe the food police. Everyone loathes the food police. Why don't they just shut up?

Question 8-Do you really like .......? I am often asked if I "really like snakes." and I always say "yes, I do." I can give you a summary of the things I like about them, but that won't change your mind, I don't want to change your mind and somehow I feel put out by the entire exercise. So, if you really don't like......., then don't ask someone you know does if they do. It's silly and the REAL point of the question is for you, the asker, to go on on and on about what you don't like about......I am often tempted to respond with "do you really like anal sex?"

Question 9-Age. Uh uh. If you are over 8 years old, don't ask.



Question 10-Location-as in, what part of town do you live in, etc. Oklahoma City is really awful about that-Northside, Southside, Norman, Edmond, East, West.

Question 11-Any medical procedure question.

Question 12-Any bodily function question. Although, in my fantasy, someone asks a rude medical procedure question and I belch loudly on command and say "why do you ask?" Alas, I lack the talent, but so help me, if the right moment ever presents itself......

Question 13-Are you wearing panties? (I think this a perfectly acceptable counter-question to any of the questions above)

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

HAW-My new routine!

When the woman takes me out to the sun porch (it's too chilly to camp out now), she pauses at the top of the steps and asks, "Do you want to fly?" I will sometimes fly over to my cage. I like flying to my cage-it's got a big landing spot. I am not so good at the whole landing thing.

Sunday I flew down the hall and into the kitchen and came to rest on top of the white box. I can't open the white box, so I began opening the boxes on TOP of the white box. OHHHH yes yes yes, I love those boxes. Some of them have little packages inside of them-and you can rip open THOSE packages and there are oats and sugar! Some to eat, some to throw on the floor, some to walk in--OH fun fun fun fun!

Now, I know the woman does not like for me to open cabinets and shred the things inside, but something sitting on top of the white box seems fair game. But, here she came saying "no no no no Oliver."......hmpph. Then she took me out to my cage and gave me a toilet paper roll to shred. But I wanted to shred oat-boxes!

Monday morning she gave me a "puzzle bowl" with a toilet paper roll stuffed with peanuts and a little plate of soft beans in it. That was fun fun fun! She's finally getting the idea-I like SOME new things, just not too many new things all at once. That scares me a little.

She's also working out something so I can safely interact with the dogs more. She mentioned something about getting down on their level....I wonder what's up with THAT? The Moon still spends the most time with me. I like the Prissy better, but she doesn't like it that I can talk and say her name, and when she's around I can't help myself, I must taunt her.

The Molly is as big as the Moon now. She doesn't run when I taunt her, but I'm not sure if she's entirely sure if she wants to eat me or play with me. GOOD LORD-what kind of animal is she?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

KMAT-Bugs, Weeds, Rashes, Gluten and the Garden



I thought perhaps I wasn't allergic to gluten after all, and I began to eat bread. No puking. yay. More bread. A little more, a little more...WHAM BAM thank you Ma'am, I got the rash from the outer banks of Hell. Itchy, burning (sounds like a hemorrhoid and it WAS a pain in the ass). The bad thing about an allergic reaction is you can't just say "I'm sorry" and move on-it stays around for awhile, reminding you of your transgression. Gluten-KMA.

I included bugs this week for no reason other than talking about rashes reminded me of bugs. I don't particularly hate them, but a gnat flew down my throat the other day and I hated THAT. KMA stupid gnat.

I have finally mastered the weed whacker. It's a hefty gas powered Stihl, and one can get into all kinds of trouble with it. I was whacking away at some weeds by the fence and a bit of hot weed whacking wire flew up and melted into my hand. OUCH. Kiss My ASS! I guess the line got hot flailing at the metal fence. Threading the weed whacker is a PITA (pain in the ass). Even with an easy start feature, starting is not that easy.

When I get tired of whacking weeds with my weed whacker, I'm going to do this with it:
WEED EATER Pictures, Images and Photos because that looks like it could be fun and I already have roller skates and knee pads. I will not grow a mustache though.

Nosey neighbor came out again and told me she wanted some squash. I have some fall squash started, but I doubt there will be enough to satisfy Mom and I, let alone the neighbors. She has watched me build that raised bed, haul dirt all over the world and back, weed, water, plant. Why on earth would she think I was doing it for her? I'm truly not a selfish person, but KMA nosey neighbor.

Gladys Kravitz Pictures, Images and Photos

It's particularly annoying because she always hits me up when I working IN the garden, hot and sweaty. Hey, how about you getting your fat ass outside and planting your own seeds...you, you.. SQUASH STALKER!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Reminds me of a Cactus?



I found this in an file of images I pulled off the old dead laptop. It's not a cactus it's a cabbage, but for some reason it reminds me of a cactus sans thorns.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Coffee

coffee art lady's face Pictures, Images and Photos

I love coffee. Actually, it is probably more accurate to say I am obsessed with coffee. I love the sound of a percolator. I love the sound of an expresso machine. I love the sound of boiling water to pour into my melita single serve filter holder.

I broke down and bought a Toddy Cold Brew Coffee thing. You can make one with Taco Bell cups, but you run the risk of a really big mess in your kitchen. That's what happened to me. After I bought my toddy I found you could go to the website and order auto delivery and get a free cold brew coffee maker (just like Gevalia). I was sad, then realized I would probably forget to cancel the delivery and wind up with waaaaaaay too much coffee. Not really.

You can't ever have too much coffee.

Instant. French Press. Decaf. Half Caf. Smooth. Bold. Bright. Kona.


Be careful with the cold brew-it's sooooo smooth I think you could ingest enough to be harmful. I was feeling a little bit like Cornholio yesterday when I realized that I had, over 24 hours, ingested most of a pound of coffee. I don't know how many cups that translates into, but I suspect it's a lot.

cornholio Pictures, Images and Photos

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Merciful Minerva-STFU

peck peck peck
ignore ignore ignore
peck peck peckity peckity peck
IGNORE
peck peck peck
IGNORE IGNORE IGNORE
peckity peckity peckity peck peck peck
IGNORE LIVE AND LET LIVE......
PECK PECK PECK PECK

Ok....here is what I think-

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

If I hear one more gloom and doom "Obama care" prophesy-I am going to explode. Some people just can't seem to be happy unless the world is coming to an end, and that's ok, go sit on your rock somewhere and wait. In the meantime, I've got things to do, and arguing with you about a legislation that is not finalized is not one of them. You can spend so much time worrying about what if that you never touch what is now.

But isn't that the way of things-control the masses with a false smoke screen of alarm? Point a big blaming finger first to avoid having it pointed back at you?

The evangelical -ization of politics is going to make my head blow right off. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP.

Pretty please, shut up?

Six Word Saturday

Release the greyhounds!
Adoption event today.




It may be that if I'm a good girl, when I come home from Provincetown I might go ahead and bring one of these guys home. I like to be home for a long stretch with a new dog, especially a foster or one that has been passed around.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Friday

I just dumped half a huge mug of coffee onto my loveseat-and am I crying-NO. That's the loveseat that's going out to the sunroom to be a dog lounge-the universe made the decision for me.

I was going to curb the loveseat (it's like donation without the receipt) and buy a dog lounge-then I realized that repurposing the love seat would benefit ME because I wouldn't have to pay for a dog lounge. I still couldn't do it on the front porch-I just have a thing about upholstered furniture on porches-but the sun room is enclosed and it's in the back of the house. When it's good and nasty-I'll curb it.

Sometimes I get so caught up in doing "good" that I forget that it's ok to look after ME and my interests, especially with my own things.

And yes, I'll admit it-I didn't like that the dog lounges were so close to the floor. My little dogs like to be up, not down low. So does the cat. Beds on the floor are pretty much ignored, because the big dogs like the floor itself.

Oliver the parrot is singing Ap-ple, ap-ple. A-A-A-Apple.....and "Wanna go outside?" and strangely enough "Mr. Apple-Bird."
He's working on a couple of words I can't quite make out and crowing like a rooster. Yesterday during the thunderstorm, he'd wait till the dogs were asleep. Then, after a big clap of thunder he'd shout "WHAT'S THAT?" and chuckle when the dogs would all jump up.

Some days are just more exciting than others.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Thursday 13 Words

Empty head
Tired
Can't even create a list
Please come back next week!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

HAW-Apple Days are Here Again!

I've been dividing my time between my perch in the house and my nice big cage on the sun room. Sometimes I camp out, sometimes I come in to my little sleeping cage in the snake room. I have lots of places to go, and lots of different size perches so that my feet get plenty of exercise.

But, I still love to shred toilet paper cardboard rolls. No no no-I never forget the simple things that make me happy, happy, happy! Someone made me very happy this week, but I can't show you or tell you till next week....HAW! It makes me happy happy happy to tease you bit-like taunting the cat. Oh yes yes yes! That makes the cat soooooo mad. Here-kitty kitty kitty. Then "meow meow meeeeeoooooow". Haw haw haw!



This picture made me laugh a bit-poor bird has to go get his own cheetos! Not me-I just say "apple" and viola, the woman brings me my apple apple apple!

Of course, I usually feel sorry for anyone that isn't ME ME MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! But I don't feel sorry for you-because you know me-and that's almost as good as being me! I hope you like being YOU just as much as I like being MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Mister Birdy Birdy Bird!!!! HAW

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

KMAT -what does it MEAN?



It's very hard to work up a good fit when Oliver the Parrot is forcing little grins out the side of my mouth. KMA silly bird, I'm supposed to be dour and funny right now.

What is the real meaning of Kiss My Ass? Maybe it's like Christmas-maybe there are many meanings. It can mean "go away, I'm done talking to you." Maybe it means "You are a jerk." Perhaps a more universal meaning is "I don't like this, but there is nothing I can do about it, so I'm going to say something rude and move on."

It's an active kind of phrase. Yes, I want YOU to KISS my ass.....instead of what? Whatever you are doing? Yet, it's not very precise, because the last thing I want the person I'm telling off to do is to actually kiss my ass, and if it's a general kiss ass statement (kiss my ass rain!) then there is no way that my ass could be kissed. Ah well, a mystery for the ages I guess.

For today's assignation (dammit, I'm smiling again), I would very much like animals who hide dead birds under bushes to kiss my ass. Nothing like weeding and pulling out a dried up old corpse-although it's probably better than pulling out a fresh one.

Red dirt is gonna have to kiss my ass too-it stains. Even blue jeans. What on earth is in this Okie Earth? It's pretty, but Kiss My Ass any way.

The sock eating monster in the dryer can kiss my ass. Hard as I try to ignore it, it still annoys me.

Most, if not ALL plastic packaging can kiss my ass. I will pay extra to buy something that is not wrapped in plastic. I loathe that shit. One exception is bubble wrap-that can be fun, but NOT if it's taped together. People who tape together bubble wrap plastic can really kiss my ass.

That would make a great curse-phrase though-"you stupid bubble wrap plastic taper you!" Ok, maybe not.

I bet someone posts a comment that says "bubble wrap plastic poppers can kiss my ass" and that's just wrong. Nothing like having a good go at popping those bubbles. But, it's your ass, and you can tell anyone to kiss it that you like.

Monday, August 17, 2009

HCM-Cartoon



This is an old cartoon-but it's still funny and perfect for Cactus Monday. (I didn't draw the cartoon).

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Me, In Doll Form



A nice lady on a forum I belong to makes Dolls-and she's been making dolls of all of us on the forum. What's amazing is how the dolls and props around them reflect the personality (or at least the personality displayed on that forum).

Would you have been able to pick me out of the crowd?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Six Word Saturday

sky? blue
shoes? new
ok? yes..................YOU?


(I can count, I know it's 7, but I didn't want to leave YOU out.....ha ha hah hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)



Also:

Greed, entitlement
crass human failings
suck

Friday, August 14, 2009

OUCH!

Do you ever bang your funny bone really hard, and then wake up the next day sore too? I smashed the crap out of my knee as I was running through the house for something that probably didn't warrant running, and today I am limping. It's not all bad, I decided that in honor of my sore knee I would "retire" to the pergola this morning and play on the computer and drink coffee. I have a ride scheduled with a friend on Sunday though, so it needs to do whatever it's going to do and get better.

After buying the boas, I drove around town trying to find a Starbucks that was still open (this is Oklahoma City). I finally hit on the one by a big hospital, score! I opted for the drive-thru since I had live cargo, and then it happened. Somebody ahead of me paid for my order. Not only did it feel like a special gift from that person, it felt like a special gift from fate-that fate chose ME to get the free Venti Carmel Macciato. (yeah, I had an active day yesterday and calories to burn-please note-no "skinny" in front of it-2 percent milk and real sugar...oh).

This just proves my theory that the milk of human kindness is not low fat!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Thursday 13-Really Random Thoughts

1.  The "burquini" scandal-good grief, let people wear what they want to wear.  Insist, if you must, that they not be worn anywhere but the pool, and that the person shower before entering the pool-just like everyone else. I've seen a lot of people who would benefit from a good burquini, and maybe using them will make people realize they don't have to bare all to have a swim.

2. Today is Aug. 13-Thursday thirteen on the thirteenth-the lisping alliteration is mesmerizing.

3. African Grey / =Bootcoot Pictures, Images and Photos This is not Oliver the parrot, but I love this picture.  It really illustrates how a monotone bird can still be gorgeous and fascinating to watch.

4. At some point in our history, maybe in the 70's, every restaurant in the United States of America got the idea of substituting Rice Pilaf Pictures, Images and Photosrice pilaf for baked potatoes.  It was a good idea, suitably bland, but easier to prepare and store.  Nobody ever eats it though-so why bother?  Charge me a dollar less and keep your pilaf.  Pilaf. Pilaf. Pilaf.....even the word annoys me at times.

5. According to Wikepedia   fart is one of the oldest words in the English language, and "Teachers in American schools have been encouraged to use books about farts to make children more comfortable with the word.[15]"  

Trust me, kids already LOVE the word.  I suppose it's one those full circle things-where we were too uptight and now we have to embrace farting in our educational system.  Some people will do anything to avoid teaching our kids to READ.

6.  I ordered a Neuton Mower Pictures, Images and Photos  

The BBB never got back to me about the other, inferior and shoddy product I ordered and am apparently stuck with.  I went to Sears and Roebuck to buy a gas mower, but they assured me if I didn't like the Neuton I could return it at the store, no problemo.  Sucker that I am-I decided not to give up on my quest for green mowing.  

Actually, it's not the green-so much as I like the noise level or lack thereof, and the lack of smelly gas slopping everywhere.  That said, I WOULD like the damn thing to cut grass.

7. I am training for a 50 mile road ride  
in September.  In my entire life I've never ridden more than 40, but that was on such a windy day that the last 10 miles (people were blowing over it was so windy) probably equated to at least 20 on the fear factor alone.  That was the one and only time I ever rode my road bike in a tour.  Now I'm happily rolling a hybrid and I feel a lot more secure.  My center of balance and power is in my ass-and stretching out too far away from that is not fun.

8. I wish I had more upper body strength, but apparently not enough to do much about it.

9.  I did not go look at the boa yesterday as Oliver reported.  I am going today.  Boas give live birth as opposed to laying eggs like pythons do.  That kind of blows my mind a bit-I would expect all snakes to do one or the other.  I guess fish and sharks do that too-some giving live birth and some laying eggs.  Oh well, it still blows my mind.

10.  Meet Fluffy.
Fluffy 2 Pictures, Images and Photos  Fluffy(I believe this one is Fluffy 2) used to live in Oklahoma City but now lives in Columbus, Ohio.  She's big, isn't she?  None of my kiddos will get this big unless something goes terribly wrong.

11.  I did not boycott shark week.  I'm too weak.  But I do disagree with the programming choices, all shark attacks and gore.  Why not do a little gore with a little education too?  Sorry Discovery-when you ran the save the seas ads, people were taking leaks or had recorded past the commercials.  Get savvy-you have to put your message in the body of what is being recorded.  And the whole rehashing of Matawan Creek again-yes, people were attacked by a shark in a river and that was the FIRST time in AMERICA we knew about it.  Michael Jackson is still dead-is that on next week's line up?

12. This guy   annoys the shit out of me.  The whole whale wars thing-I can't watch it because the ego and the nonsense outweighs the message for me, and the amount of money spent on what amounts to a stupid publicity stunt is staggering.

13. Low Carb ice cream makes you fart like a rhino.  Ok, it makes ME fart like a rhino, and other people have told me they experience similar results.  It happens fairly quickly too-so don't eat it on a first date with someone you want to see again.  Hey, maybe teachers can start serving it in school as part of the fart enrichment program!

This really isn't tasteless enough to warrant a warning at the top of the post.  I wish I could just rip off really tasteless stuff at the drop of a hat-but, such is not the case.  I do think I nailed the random part though-don't you?



Wednesday, August 12, 2009

HAW-Do you wanna go outside? Huh?


The woman is so easily amused.  To make her laugh I just have to look at her and say "Do you wanna go outside?  Huh?"  It must be a wonderful thing to be such a simple creature. 

Today she is going to go look at a boa.  I don't know why she wants a boa, she likes pythons.  She said to me "that's why, I don't know why I don't like boas."  That doesn't make a lot of sense, at least to me.  I, me, me, Mister Birdy Birdy Bird-think that all snakes are rather dull and uninteresting.  They don't make any noise, very little mess-I don't think they have a lot of fun. 

 I'm allowed to yell the snakes all I want because they are deaf, but I cannot go knock on the side of the tank-NO NO NO.  I don't see why not-they can't get to ME ME ME, but the woman says it isn't "nice".  Well, neither is biting the side of the tank.  When I, me, Mister Birdy Birdy Bird, when I am going to bite, I squawk or give a click of my beak to give a person a little warning.  Not those dumb ol' snakes-they sit there all still and then BOOM-right on the side of the tank.  It could give a bird a fright!  And then they go right back to not moving. B-o-r-i-n-g.

Sometimes the Prissy and I come and go on the same trip-me on my perch and Prissy tucked under the woman's arm.  Today I was thinking about giving those big ol' ears a nibble, and the woman said "Now Oliver, she won't like that."  Why should I care, but maybe I should because I'm pretty sure that I got a few extra bite of pop CORN for that.

But seriously, LOOK at those big ears.  Anyway, the Prissy owes me.  The woman forgot she was out and it started raining and thundering.  I took charge and started howling like a dog and then yelled "PRISSY, PRISSY, NIGHT NIGHT"  until the woman went outside and got her.  I do like to keep things in order around here.

HAW-try to stay out of the rain!

weird!! Pictures, Images and Photos


Tuesday, August 11, 2009

KMAT-Jump back, kiss it again


Nothing like a little joyful ass kissing.  I hope this doesn't bite me on the ass-but kiss my ass anesthesia from last month-you didn't screw up my hair.  OW!  I was certain I'd end up cutting it all off again, from being sick coupled with surgery-but no.  I couldn't sustain life, but I could sustain a head of hair.

Remember that Eddie Murphie rif on James Brown?  He say "jump back, I wanna kiss myself-OWWWW"...or my beloved Cat from Red Dwarf "I'm so happy all six of my nipples are TINGLING.........."

Doncha just love a near miss?  Oh come on, it beats the hell out of a bull's eye.  And, it's ok to celebrate them too.  If you are going out and regularly seeking near misses, you might want to look at THAT and overall reckless behavior.  But sometimes, just sometimes, you are NOT the bug, you are not even the windshield-you just woosh, zoom by it, close enough to know that you almost got your pee pee in a ringer, but you didn't.  And that's when you want to dance around, shake your booty and sing "Jump back, kiss my ass, oh yeah kiss it again."

Celebrating is not the same as being ungrateful.  I just don't think gratitude always has to be such a solemn, dreary thing.  Maybe if it weren't we'd have more of it.  Here's to near misses!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Cactus Monday-Cactus Zack


This is Zack, Jim Wakeland's new cow dog.  He looks a little perplexed by the cactus, don't you think?  I can't help myself, I love all dogs, but I am partial to the smoothies myself.  More than that- I love to see a dog get to do what it was bred to do.  I wish there was a decent, nearby place that I could take my kiddos to herd.

Happy Cactus Monday!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

The Weird Flu

I went to bed Friday night after setting my stuff out for my bike ride Saturday morning.  Woke up about 3 am with a splitting headache and sore throat.  What the heck is THAT about?

The other weird thing was this-I didn't have a stuffy nose.  Apparently, it is possible to get a sore throat without a stopped up nose, but I had never seen or heard of such a thing.

I didn't have daytime medicine, but I didn't feel like being awake anyway, so I took Nyquil and slept a lot.  Today my throat  feels like it HAS been sore-I'm not ill, I feel like I have been ill....which, to me, is more irritating than being ill.   I don't deal well with bodily ambiguity.  If I'm sick I want to be clearly sick enough to know I shouldn't mow the lawn or go out in public and risk the greater good of all mankind.

Since I'm no longer coughing, I went to Petsmart and Starbucks, but I don't know that I'll tackle the lawn just yet.  I've got that stuffy thing going on in my forehead-up high where the netti pot doesn't reach.  I'm just going to netti the crap out of my nose and hope it knocks whatever bug is hiding up there loose.

The good thing about all of this is I realized I haven't had a respiratory flu in so long that I really was at a loss as to how to deal with it.  Proof that my netti pot and probiotic routine really do work.  (I was formerly a cortisone shot up the nose once a month girl-that sucked.)

I thought of another silver lining too-now that my hernia is fixed and I'm not puking 10 times a day, I bet my immune system gets stronger still.  I know I know-it's my default program.  Shit happens and I go into "well at least...." mode.  I try not to do that with other people's shit-it pisses them off when they want sympathy, but I'll continue to deal with my own shit in my own way....thank you very much.

Crap-I have to go to the store again-Oliver has asked me a dozen times already "do you want an APPLE?" which is parrot for "give me a damn apple".  Why does he always get a craving when I'm out of apples?

Friday, August 7, 2009

MMMMM, Shrimp and Trader Joe's

My typical late summer malady has struck-I can't get enough seafood.  The other day, while cracking some crab legs at Joe's Crab Shack, I had an epiphany.  I looked down at the spidery leg in my hand and realized that we, the crab and I, were neither one of us at the coast.  As I popped the meat out of the leg I muttered "I bet you've been frozen."  After more thought, I amended that to "I hope to hell you've been frozen."

Now, here's the thing-I have a freezer too.  So I went to Homeland (after polishing off my crab legs) and stocked up on shrimp and lobster tails and ta daaaaaaaaaaaa Glad Microwave Steamer bags.  Yes-5 minutes from freezer to plate, a nice big old lobster tail for 7 bucks.

And now that I know this, I can't stop.  Shrimp cocktails.  Ceviche. Lobster.....but, not my usual canned.  It's like I've rediscovered seafood.

Right now, I'm tracking and logging food and exercise on the daily plate.  Seafood has a whole buttload of protein, and that's something I struggle with getting enough of.  Problem solved for now.

Then I did a little look up on Cape Cod dining.  I really MUST bring my bike-because it's going to take a few long rides to get off the wonders I saw on the menu.

THEN, well, some of us got to talking about Trader Joe's.  I will for sure be stopping at Hyannis and most likely Nashville too-and I'm down to my last precious jar of Joe's tapenade now-but with Joe's in my future, my fall looks promising.

I am probably going to take my camera into Joe's.  Joe's is like a cult-and my fellow cult members will want to know how the MA. Joe's differs from the Tennessee Joe's and the Fairfield and Mountainview.  I may swing by an Illinois Joe's too-don't know about that just yet, I need room in the car for art supplies, my camera and an extra pair of panties or two.

Wow, the Mustang of Self Deception has a hitch mount on it.....I could, no, wait I'll have my bike on the rack that fits into the hitch mount.  Never mind, AND no one needs that much tapenade any way.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Thursday 13-One Word Wonders

1. orgasm (bet you smiled...hah!)
2. chocolate
3. latte
4. shiver
5. solemn
6. bliss
7. furious
8. grin
9. shimmer
10. translucent
11. savor
12. obtuse
13. epiphany

Isn't it funny how some words are just better and more evocative than others?

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

HAW-Scared! Scared!

Haw! Haw!  We had a big big scare this week.  I got my beak caught in a toy and it wouldn't let me go.  I cried and cried and flapped my wings-I was scared and my neck hurt!  The woman came out and held me close so I couldn't flap and lifted me up and the toy let loose.

I was still scared though and kept squawking for a bit.  She had me step on a stick and then petted me, but I was still scared.  So she left me in the cage for a bit, then fed me a little banana.  I felt better after that.  She showed me the toy and stomped on it!  BAD BAD toy.

I know she was scared too-but she was trying to be brave.  I didn't like that, not one bit.

She went through my cage and checked all the toys, and everything is safe and OK for me now.  My neck feels better and I'm yelling at the dogs and asking for apple apple apple!

I was so scared, but when the woman came out and I felt her hold me and lift me up, I quit screaming and felt better.  I knew she wouldn't let me down.  And, even though I was frightened clear out of my head, I never tried to bite her-I knew she was there to help.

I hope if you need a hand, someone you love has one to spare!  HAW!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

KMAT-Low level irritants




Sink hair can kiss my ass.  I live alone, and my OWN hair clogging a sink grosses me out-let's not even think about public places and hotels.  I think it's the whole combo of hair not being where it "belongs" and being WET.  I've never met a single person who was pleasantly surprised by a big old hair ball in the sink.

Unclipped toenails can kiss my ass.  If you are going out in public with open toed shoes-clip your nails or stay home.  Also, clip your dogs nails when they need it-trim your horse's hooves.  Shit.  It's not rocket science.  But for heaven's sake, don't do any clipping where I can see it or hear it.

Acrylic nails grown out -if you are going to rock acrylics, get those fills or take the things off when they grow out.  Two weeks max.  Grown out nail polish annoys me too.  People who sit and FLAKE their nail polish in public-oh don't get me started.  Kiss my ass.

Dog eye boogers.  People, dog's don't have thumbs-they can't clean their eyes.  If your dog has an eye booger-clean that eye, if for no other reason than it will save you a vet bill for conjunctivitis.   Anyone who could leave a dog with a dirty eye can kiss my ass.  If you don't notice things like that-do your dog a favor and find it a home who does.  Dog dingleberries are one level up from eye boogers in grossness.  

People who don't understand my abiding love of Starbucks-kiss my ass.  I HAVE an expresso maker at home, but sometimes I want someone to make it for me, or sometimes I want/need a little protein/caffeine when I'm out.  Don't get it?  Fine, I don't care, shut up or kiss my ass.  In these troubled times, we do have to save every penny-you save yours where you want to, kiss my ass, and I'll save mine where I want to.  When you have to support my Starbuck's habit-you can have some say-in the meantime KISS MY ASS.

E coli showing up everywhere-KISS MY ASS.  What is up with that?  Some ass bug showing up in drinking water?  Freaky deaky.  The entire world is full of shit-kiss my ass!

Monday, August 3, 2009

Brain Fart

I was trying to form a coherent enough thought for a Monday post, and I decided to see what I said last Monday.  For reference, it was:

Beam Me Up Scotty: Happy Birthday Heather-Wherever you are

Now, that post was heartfelt, and still is.  But it's amazing how the passage of time, events, and the flow of life change one's focus.  I can read the post, and call up and remember the feeling I was having at the time, but I can't have THAT feeling again.  It was a feeling relevant to the day and time.

That's the amazing thing about feelings-they are liquid things-moving and morphing along with life.  The only time they are ever really bad is when people cling to them and don't allow them to move on with the passage of time.

One of my least favorite phrases from songs and general speak is "those old feelings"....what the hell does that mean anyway?  It sounds like a moldy piece of bread you keep in your heart.  Of course, it's usually associated with the contemplation or completion of some stupid act, blamed on "those old feelings".

I like the term "familiar feelings"...that sounds comfy and cozy and sane.  However, none of this has anything to do with the passage of time.  I have retitled my post from "What a Difference a Week Makes" to "Brain Fart" which is more accurate.  I like to call a think what it is.

Happy Monday-Pass all the gas you need to to get by.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Biking Biking

Michele-I thought of you this morning-I rode with a friend at Hefner Lake and remembered our epic rides at White Rock and around Dallas.  This morning we hit the dam right at sunrise-it really was a pretty thing, and it reminded me of sunsets at White Rock (without the heat or the mosquitos).  Maybe mornings are a good thing after all.

I thought about Mim too-and wished I had remembered to bring a camera to share my sunrise.  I guess I'll have to do it again (insert fake sigh).

I was delighted with the trail-it was in wonderful shape and there were no detours under troll bridges-I think I'd feel ok riding alone there.  I just looked up the trail length at White Rock-it's 9.33; Hefner is 9.1.  Is that the standard lake size in the south?

There is a smaller lake 5 miles away and they are working on a trail connecting them-two lakes in one ride-how cool is that?  Our river trail is nice, but not a place to go after dark or alone, which is sad, because it's the newest and best trail and no one really uses it.

I was really pleased that my stationary biking (it rained a lot this week) got my legs amped up enough to do the 9 mile ride today.  My stationary bike is a recumbent (for watching tv while pedaling) and I just assumed it wasn't doing anything much at all except burning calories.  I have new respect for the stationary bike and for my own legs.  Honestly, I haven't ridden since last fall, and while 9 miles is not a huge ride, it's a pretty big first ride.

Michele-do you remember when we started riding?  I think our first ride was maybe 2 miles and we could barely make it back.  Do you ride still?  I saw lots of people with kids on the back-I think I like the seats better than the trailers though-they look more secure.  

The best thing about riding is that it takes place when I'm normally sleeping-so I 'm up, burnt some calories, and still have the normal portion of my day-how efficient is that?

I'm going to be riding a bit between now and vacation-the trail at Provincetown is noted to be "moderately difficult" and that's probably by hill country standards.  Time to dust off the cobwebs!

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Ch-ch-changes

As I made coffee this morning I watched the dogs interact and was pleased to see that some of Molly's teenage angst has waned (for now).  I also thought about how Greta and Cody's relationship has changed over the years.

Cody came first, then Greta.  Cody was an intact neurotic male bully.  Having him neutered really didn't make him any less neurotic and he was a bully for years.  Greta avoided him.

Last year though, when he got sick, everything changed.  Although better now, Cody is not top male in the pack-right now Moonie and Oliver share that role.  It depressed him for awhile, or so it seemed.  Now he and Greta hang out like an old retired couple.  She has her bad hip, and he's just old-and the groom each other and care for each other like they've been friends for life.

It's like the song says "if you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with."


Six Word Saturday-yum

Jake's Ribs today
leftovers tomorrow and.......