Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Ah, it's that time again, Kiss My Ass Thursday!
People who fart on planes-KMAT. You are excused (grudgingly) if you only found out about the flight 24 hours in advance. But really, if you KNEW, and you still ate at On The Border, or worse, are bringing it On The Plane-Kiss my ass.
People who bitch and moan about weather delays and blame it on the airlines, loudly, KISS MY ASS. I'll be honest, this includes some family members but granola crapola, if the airlines can't control their own bottom line, I seriously doubt that they can control the weather. Ironically, the people who were getting the most out of line and declaring "I'll never fly this airline again" are the infrequent fliers the airlines WANT to piss off, which I found kind of sickly amusing, so maybe the kvetching is a good thing, but nonetheless, jolly well pucker up and KMA.
People who cry and carry on IN LINE over the cell phone, can really KMA. If you are THAT upset, go somewhere else and piss and moan. And Bluetooth users in grocery stores, Kiss My Ass. The ones who talk really LOUD and are expressive and stuff, Kiss My Ass Twice. Here I am, in some dollar store, contemplating all the wonderful things I can have for one dollar, and some Amazon woman with Big Hair comes zooming around the corner carrying on and having a big old fit and scares the crap out of my reverie, passes me by shrieking-and never even knows I was there or that she startled me. If you are hovering somewhere in the intersection of the virtual world and the real world, keep your eye on both, or Kiss My Ass.
I'd like to creep up on those people while they were in the bathtub and yell loudly "DON'T MIND ME OR MY NOISE, I'M ON THE CELL PHONE SO I'M NOT REALLY HERE". Since that would involve several larcenies and maybe some felonies, I'll just soothe my disgruntled self by mumbling Kiss My Ass one more time.
I've begun to have KMAT fantasies-visions of really yelling "Kiss My Ass" at very rude people. You can have them too, but to be a legitimate Kiss My Ass Moment, the recipient of the yell must encroach upon your space or psyche in a very rude and deliberate way. You can't just go yelling Kiss My Ass at everyone-it would lose its power to shock. Well, that's not entirely true. Yelling "Kiss My Ass" at the little old lady taking her dog for a walk would be shocking, but so rude that then she would be completely justified in giving you a KMA right back. Oh Kiss My Ass and make your own rules.