Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Not going into the whole sordid body image mess, because I'm still working through it. But dammit to hell-if you can't depend on your scale, what CAN you depend on? And, it was wrong to the good, which means it's now right to the bad. Kiss My ASS.
Worse, logic (oh yeah, logic shows up at the worse times) stepped in before I could go into a full meltdown-because honestly, if I felt fine about me yesterday and the day before and the two weeks the scale was WRONG-I really couldn't allow myself a spiral into loathing because a number changed. How annoying is THAT? Kiss MY ASS!
We are talking about a 15 pound swing-which means my body perception is really screwed. BUT, it does show improvement because there was a time when a one pound gain would have sent me scurrying for the ex lax. Kiss my ass little piddly poundage problems. Kiss my ass that I even cared about one pound-one lousy pound would ruin my day.
To determine what it meant in terms of graphs (I love graphs) I simply removed the wrong weight, and viola, at my current calorie consumption I lost a pound over several weeks, which in my world because I am NOT that amped up about a pound either way-is maintaining. That's the good news. The bad news is the damn number is 15 pounds over what I set.
So, here I am, happy, but not self righteous because I can't parade around declare myself "At goal". I can feel the relief (sick relief) flooding my brain-I can diet again, as well as that stubborn logic saying-"what changed if you were happy yesterday?" And, bloody hell, I'm still reasonably happy today. Issues yes, but I feel exactly the same about my body today as I did yesterday. Well, Kiss my Ass stupid scale.
AAAGH-another false perception. I was not invisible yesterday either-at a weight that should have rendered me at least translucent. Kiss My Ass.
I want to be clear about something. I'm not so much pissed off at the scale, as I am staggering under the full weight of all those years of obsessing about something that clearly didn't matter. It only mattered because I let it matter, because I thought it mattered, because it mattered to me. Damn and Kiss my ass.
Perception is a powerful thing. Not going to KMA to perception because it can be just as good as not.
Perspective is not the same thing. My perspective when I step on the scale is pretty much the same-it's what I do AFTER the number hits that's up to me. Wow. Kiss my ASS Perspective, I can pick my own.