Thursday, December 31, 2009

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

HAW-Not THE announcement, but AN announcement

Not even parrot related.  BOOO BOOO BOOO.


This is my new kitty kitty, Luna.  She's grey like me and she talks a lot and loudly, like me.
That is not THE annoucement, NO NO NO-but the woman is struggling with  multiple projects and guess who gets put on the back burner.  Oh yes yes yes.

But I got a kitty kitty, so it's not all bad.  The woman is working (I think) and thinking way too hard.  I have to keep her reminded of the best things in life-laughing, farting, eating.  I tell her when to bring Solo in-and I make sure he wakes up early in the morning.....HAW HAW.  He's asleep, sound asleep and I call SOLO SOLO and he wakes up and has to pee so the woman gets up-and on her way out she gives me a peanut.  Yes yes yes.

I don't know where the other kitty went.  I called and called and it made the woman cry when I did that, so I did it to see if she would cry.  When she quit crying, I'd say "kitty outside?" and she'd start up again.  It all worked out though-now we have a kitty again.

When will she learn it's just easier on everyone to bring me what I ask for?

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Sunday Afternoon’s Entertainment

Sunday Afternoon’s Entertainment

KMAT-A photo reprisal and song



SHUD AULD ACQUAINTANCE BE FORGOT
AND MEMORIES BE BLIND
SHUD IRRITATIONS RISE AND SAUGHT
KISS MY ASS AND YOU KISS MINE
FOR AULD BITTER WHINE M'DEAR
FOR AULD BITTER WHINE............
WE'LL WHINE AND BITCH ONE MORE LAST TIME
KISS MY ASS, AND YOU KISS MINE...........

Cue:background music

And so ends KMAT 2009.  Adieu and farewell-I'm done with it.  Look for something new in 2010.

I just reread this and it wasn't clear-I AM done with 2009, but I'm also done with regular KMA postings.  It's hard to due cranky on schedule...and maybe not a good idea anway.



Monday, December 28, 2009

Haiku Bones-Regret

Winter sun burns cold
Icicles slowly melting
Water's silent tears

Cactus Monday-If Cacti laid eggs....



I would imagine it would look like this.  Taken with cell phone again.  Happy Cactus Monday.  I thought this was a cherimoya, but I looked it up on the internet, and it is apparently not.  When I go back to the store if they have some more, I will write it down this time.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Elephant in the Snow


My favorite blizzard photo so far-Brave Little Eliie shines on!

Six Word Saturday-an annoucement

Oliver will announce
Something on Wednesday.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Scenes from my House

Background Music:Lion Sleeps tonight and Oliver the Parrot doing Disney Bird sounds and laughing like a maniac.  He's just finished his bath in his water dish.  Parakeets just woke up and are twittering softly in preparation for their afternoon Romp and Feed and squawk fest.

Scene:  Blizzard raging outside-house is warm and cozy.

Dogs are waking up from long nap/chew on bone session and I'm trying to find the energy (via some great coffee I got as a gift and chocolate I bought for Blizzard weathering purposes) to pull on my Bogs and go out and try to get some pictures.

Picture taking will be better if the white out stops, but by then the pristine part of the snow will be gone-my dogs love their snow a little too much.

I doubt very seriously we will make it OUT to dinner tomorrow and I really don't care.  I'll trudge down, visit with the folks and then resume my heavy nesting activity, and this will likely be one of the best Christmas' that I can remember.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

HAW-Ho Ho Ho

Up on a housetop
Clippy Claws
African Greys waddle  like Santa Claus
Down through the chimney

Oh, wait, we don't have a chimney......I don't think I'd want to go down through a chimney anyway.  Dirty nasty chimney. NO NO NO, not me me me, Mister Bird.  MISTER BIRDY BIRD.

I don't know why the woman stuck that poster in the middle of my song and why she says we must ignore it.  It's what they call a teaser.  I don't think it's nice to tease, unless you are going to give me something for my trouble.  Then it might be OK.

The woman does a lot I don't understand but she gives me craps and apples and last week I got a pork rind and some pistachios.  YEEEEES.  And egg egg egg.  Oh, and a couple of chicken legs.  Yes, last week was pretty good in the old food category.

I also got a big sack to rip up, and I didn't get in too much trouble for going into the art bag and making a GREAT BIG POOP!  I added a link-I want you to know I don't make these things up.  And here-here is on for Don't Fall into the Toilet.  That is for Denise-you know who you are even though you don't comment and you call me a squab.

Anyway-enough teasing.  I will see you next week-Happy Animal Wednesday and Happy Holidays-HO HO HO-HA HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

KMA-All you Cottonpickers



This came in a package from Lolo-isn't it perfect?  I never picked cotton, but my mother did and my brother did and my Daddy died young-Workin in the Coal mines.  Ah, Country Western Music.  Even mentions Oklahoma, go figure.

Next week I guess we'll do a mandatory KMA 2009, not sure where to go this week since it's Christmas and Hanukah and Kwanza  and all that.  Don't get me wrong, it's all good, but enforced merriment, yeah, Kiss My Ass.  Fake it till you Make it-kiss my ass too-that pretty much only works when you feel up to faking it.

Two reverses required (I'll be glad when that's over by the way).  These are suggestions-if someone you know is struggling, take the time to listen, or say I hope you feel better soon if you don't have much time, but don't do that dismissive "Oh come on, it's the holidays" which we all know really means "I'm really busy right now and I don't have time for your issues".  Ok, that was one.

Two-Be kind to yourself too.  If you can't do it all, do what you can as best you can and kick back.  You are not responsible for the entire holiday experience for the entire world.

Ok, Reverse kisses kiss my ass-that's it, we are done-it's too much trouble and it messes with my ass kissing groove.  I feel better already.

Grumpy holiday drivers-kiss my ass.  If I signal and want to turn, and you have to slow down while I do it-FINE.  I don't give a shit if it slows you by .25 seconds.  Your destination is really not that important to me-hello-I'm headed to MY destination.

Sugar kiss my ass don't go away I need you I want you I love you I'm not an addict it's a lie.....Ok, I'm sure you get my drift.

People who make themselves crazy trying to even up the gifts-kiss my ass and give yourself a break.  I have to fight the urge to do that still and to this day.  Do you go by number of gifts, amount of dollars, quality of gift to you to the recipient.  Really, needless gift accounting-kiss my ass.  I wish one day to be free of gifting only during the month of December and birthdays.

Special shout out to those who say "I don't GIVE GIFTS, I don't WANT gifts" then they do.  Kiss my ass, I don't know what to do with you.  I really don't.

I'm kind of done for today.  I'm not really over excited or angry about anything-faking indignation can kiss my ass too!

Monday, December 21, 2009

Cactus Monday Nopalitos Study

This was taken with my new cell phone.  I edited it only for size.  Not too shabby for a cell phone photo.  I hope everyone has a a great week.


Sunday, December 20, 2009

Illustration Friday-Undone



Quick thumb pad index finger sketch.  I forgot how fun it was to do those.  I just gave in to my favorite Gin Blossom's line of all time.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Thursday, December 17, 2009

A tantrum

Solo says "I WANT IN THERE WITH YOU NOW!!!!!" Yes-he's yelling. He's a fierce puppy! Tremble and be afraid.




Really folks, he's fierce. Ok, maybe not so much. But one day-fierce. Yes. Solo will be fierce. Maybe.

I

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

HAW-Oliver Answers Your Questions



Haw-I'm going to answer your questions!


Teri C asks...Is it safe to put up a Christmas Tree?


Terri, it might be safe for me, but not the tree.  The woman hung decorations on a window frame and they are pretty.  I like to look at them, but I can't land on a frame.  A tree-well, even if I didn't land on it the Solo pup would pull it down. The cat died.  I don't know what that is, but I think it means she won't be pulling down any trees.


Emily asks....What do you throw when you get mad?
The woman has a shiney silver bucket she will hang on my cage.  I walk over and throw it to her and she catches it-then she hangs it up and we do it again until I get bored.  I also throw off anything she puts up there that I don't want to eat. I'm not mad though, I just don't want it on my cage.


Lisa asks....Do you get close to the dogs, are you afraid of them?
I have sat in the chair with the woman, Prissy and the cat.  The woman has to remind me not to nibble Prissy's ears.  Solo and I are making friends-he has a big nose and I'd kind of like to nibble it.  Moon comes over to my cage and visits.  The other's pretty much stay away from me.  Sometimes I will dive bomb them for fun, but when I do the woman says NO NO NO and puts me back in my cage.  HMPH. The kitty kitty used to come when I called, but she doesn't any more on account of the whole dead thing.


Mim wants to know-which came first-the bird or the egg?
I think it must be the bird, because this birdy likes to eat eggs.  In my world view, I am the beginning and the end, the be-all and end all of all that is good. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about those who came before and what do I care about those who come after?  I think when you humans started writing stuff down you got a little sideways.


Soulbrush wants to know who I would go live with if the woman kicked me out.
Is this a trick question?  In the first place the woman wouldn't get out of bed or remember to put the dogs out or back in if I didn't tell her.  Then I'd have to remind her to kick me out.


I'm not really sure what happened and how I ended up here, and for awhile I wasn't sure I liked it much.  I wanted things to be the same as they were.  But now I'm here and I'm going to stay.  I was scared the first time she went away, and I don't like it when she does, but I know now she'll come back.


So, she and I are stuck with each other, because I wouldn't kick her out either.  I've spent too much effort training her to do my bidding and the dogs would starve and who would answer the door?


Caroline would like to know how old I am.
I am going to be 10 years old this year....yes yes yes.  We don't know the exact date of my birth-so I just take the last two digits of the current year-it's close enough for parrot work.


I will live up to 50 years in captivity...not sure what captivity means.  Here is some good information about greys in general-some of which applies to me me me.  Notice there is no mention of art collection or internet activity-clearly the authors have never met a grey like me.


That was fun fun fun!  I like talking about ME!  It's my favorite subject.  HAW HAW HAW!


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

KMAT-Lighten up Folks (Irreverent Religious humor warning)


I'm not sure if people are counting down to Christmas or Armageddon.  Why so serious?  Slap what food you have on the table, prepare it with love hand out the presents you have with love and stop with all the worry.  I feel the same way about Chanukah, but that has already started to the countdown reference wouldn't work.  People who take the presentry and pageantry too seriously, Kiss My Ass.  Reverse kiss-it is good that you care about your loved ones, and I recognize that that is part of where the stress is coming from-but your loved ones won't care what you do if you do it with love, and the ones who do care, well, you will never make THEM happy anyway.

The only worse Holiday for one up manship and trying to make people feel bad is Valentine's day.  This year I want someone to ask me what I got for Valentine's day-I'm gong to say "not a fucking thing, no one loves me, what did YOU get?"  (Please, someone remember to ask me).  I digressed didn't I?

This reverse kiss is hard.  I'm glad I don't have to keep it up much longer.

Here's one-I LIKE FRUITCAKE.  If you don't, Kiss My Ass (and send me your unwanted fruitcake for a reverse kiss).  No really, don't.  I don't need it sitting around saying 'eat me, it's the holidays'.  Calories can kiss my ass-they already end up there anyway, it won't be much of a stretch.  (Reverse, we need them to live, yeah yeah, we are lucky to worry about losing weight instead of starving...)

All this vent then reverse is making me dizzy and cranky.  KISS MY ASS Reverse Kiss.....Kiss Reverse ASS MY KISS  (is that a reverse kiss or a mirror kiss)?  I think I need to go puke now.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dog People-Read up!

Kaylan Head, a very well known trainer here in Oklahoma, has started her own Dog Blog.  Please stop by and say hello and welcome her to the Blogosphere.

She has worked with me with both Moon and Molly-and I listen when she talks!

Cactus Monday-Cactus Red Carpet

All eyes were on Nancy as she arrived at the Cactus Winter Ball.  She hoped no one noticed she only had one lizard for her carriage.






Madge went for the simple, elegant look.  HCM!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Six Word Saturday -raw

Throat, eyes, nose, ears.  Raw. Yuck.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Ilustration Friday-Hatch



Every new life that hatches is a universe unto itself.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

HAW-Poppy Poppy Poppy

I have a new way to control the woman.  I yell POPPY POPPY POPPY when I first wake up.  This makes the strange black fluffy dog start whining.  In his world, that means come here, but of course he can't cause he's in his cage.  This makes the woman get up and let him out.

The other day he got his toe stuck in his cage and shrieked and that brought the woman running.  So now when I want to summon her, I shriek like a poppy.  I'm so smart.  When the Poppy is outside, it doesn't work because she knows its me.

The woman got a little annoyed with me.  I was chewing on a box that it is ok for me to chew on-she saves them for me.  But I wanted to have a little nibble of her rolling art case.  Well, it was different entirely from the cardboard box, so I nibbled a bit off the edge.  She said "NO NO NO" and put me up on my cage.  How RUDE is that?


She put all these pretty shiny lights up out in the yard-what's the point?  She should have strung them on my cage-YES YES YES!  She mentioned something about chewing and electrocution-what does she know-I am ........>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

She left the closet door open the other day and I got in there-oh yes yes yes!  It could climb around and poke through boxes, I want to do that again soon.

Sometimes now I listen to Christmas Carols instead of Toddler Tunes.  I want to expand my horizons.

I could talk about me all day long.  Actually, that's pretty much what I do all day long.  The woman says living with me is like an audio stream of Oliver Consciousness.  I like the sound of that.  Sometimes she says I'm on an Endless Loop.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing?  Oh well, if it's about me me me, it must be GOOD!

Have a Happy Animal Wednesday, my good and loyal friends.  If you have any questions you'd like for me to answer, please leave them in the comment section.  I would like to do an Ask Oliver blog next week.  The woman says that you don't have to limit your questions to questions about ME, you can ask me anything.  Don't worry, it will work out to being about me anyway.....HAW!!!!!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

One Year Later

KMAT post is below this one-and please visit it-first and foremost life goes on-and KMA is necessary and vital.

John left a year ago today.   He's had a year of not being trapped in the body that betrayed him.  Ok, that's harsh, I doubt his body betrayed him, it just failed him, like bodies eventually do.  But, as you can see, from the word betrayal, I'm still a bit angry at the turn of events.

I'll get over it, I'm sure.  One day I'll even get over wondering where John "went"-most likely when I arrive at the same place.  Or yes, I'll admit to wondering if he went anywhere at all.

The fact that there might just be an end, as in THE END, no more-has never really bothered me.  I've never worried about "dying" on the table during an operation either.  I'd be asleep, so I probably wouldn't notice. I'm not real crazy about thinking about events that might lead up to the end.  I've never been a big fan of pain, fear, etc.

So much of that we probably bring with us to the party.

The reality of Uncle John's death was he was awake less and less as his body failed, slipped into a place where he couldn't be roused, and died.  He informed me about a month before he left he'd be checking out soon.  His exact words "I'll be reporting for duty in a permanent location soon.  I'm looking forward to settling down."

Allrighty, that memory just made me cry.  But I'm not crying because he's dead, I'm crying because I miss him.  Does that make sense?

The same holds true for Dottie.  I still slip and call Prissy Dottie, and then I tear up.  But, to be honest, the tears are for me, who misses her dog, not for Dottie.  Dottie was clearly ready to go and let me know in no uncertain terms.

There is more to come-I will likely outlive (if I'm lucky) my current animals.  Daddy is headed for a pacemaker, and Mom's memory is slipping more rapidly, the tremors in her hand more visible.  On a cloudy cold day like today, it seems Death is all around.

The trick is not to be dismayed by it.  Death IS all around, and always has been.  Just because we don't choose to acknowledge it doesn't mean it was never there.  Death, Life, Love, Laughter-they exist everywhere and no where, all at once.  The choice to see or not to see is ours.

I've always been one of those people who HAS to look.  I can't seem to not look.  Even today, a year later, with fresh tears, I'm glad I looked.  I'm glad I sat down and thought about how I feel, remembered how I felt then.  At first, I thought, "how self centered," but John is dead, the only thing that remains is my memory of the event.

I think, sometimes, we get so caught up in the whole selfless notion we push ourselves aside and miss out on a lot of our own lives.

What a rambling post this has been-started out with John, ended with me.  But that's kind of how it is-John is gone, I'm here, I miss him, I still have places to go.  And where ever I go, I take his memory with me.

KMA-BBRRRRR Cold


I don't care for the cold, and I'm trying to foster a better attitude, but really, KISS MY ASS.  By better attitude, I am venturing out in it-and I sometimes even wear a coat, hat and gloves.  But my knees still hurt and ache and creak-KISS MY ASS.

OK, Reverse ass kissing now-Cold kills the insects.  yay!  Aching knees, well, at least I have knees-really, yay on that, I'm glad I do.

The weather sites (several) are predicting gale force winds later this week.  Gale force winds-Kiss My Ass.  Reverse kiss-wow, that's tough, let me think.  OH, I have one-when the wind blows the temps don't fall as much (but it feels colder).  That's kind a neutral event on the ol' ass kissometer.  I KNOW-maybe it will blow down the weak branches before the next ice storm-saving us all from the dreaded power outage.  Really, that's the best I got for gale force winds.

What's rubbing you the wrong way, and then the right way this week?  Remember, during December, we have to do both a kiss and a reverse kiss.  That sounds so school marm-like.  Tuff shit-it's my blog-don't like it?  Kiss my ass!  Reverse kiss-don't like it-suffer anyway-it will increase your good karma.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Cacuts Monday-Lousy Tacos

This is a local taco place and we've always called it Lousy Tacos.  The original place is gone now-this is the new improved one in what used to be a Carl's Jr.  The food is good though, always has been  I like local places.  HCM

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Ilustration Friday-Crunchy

I couldn't get past the bubble wrap idea.  Bubble wrap is a difficult medium, so I finally stuck some on a bit of card and embellished....then had a blast crunching the other half of the old envelope I took the bubble wrap from to begin with.

Friday, December 4, 2009

Beep-You Copy?

Even thought it appears otherwise, I do other things besides sit around and listen to Oliver.  But lately he's been "beeping" and then saying something.  Today it was clear-BEEP-You copy?  This is a before he came here word series.  He makes a lot of telephone noises and stuff-maybe someone had one of those fancy walkie talkie phones.

I'm in the garage cleaning up after the flood-makes getting rid of some of the stuff easier anyway.  It was mostly excess dog clothes-Dottie wore a lot clothes-Prissy not so much.  So, I was looking at the wet remains of Dotties pink fringed jacket she wore on her first plane flight and suddenly I hear "BEEEEEEP-You Copy?"

Yeah, Oliver, I copy.  Dotty is gone, you are here-toss that stuff and get inside and bring you an apple-STAT

Flood, wrecks, 4 inch needles in the belly, it's been quite a week.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Ok, I get it

Man, when a hot water heater goes it leaves an awful mess.  New one is on the way, big check going out the door.  The universe has a most unsubtle way of saying get off your ass or I will get you off your ass.

I get it. I do.  Thank you.  No, REALLY thank you.  You've done enough.  Go away.  Sigh.

I am going to start a new label category-random disasters.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

HAW-LOOK LOOK LOOK AT ME ME ME



Caroline has already finished my painting I won won won!  I was allowed by the tyrant who lives in my home to post on her blog, but I was not allowed to post on THIS blog until today.  Now, this tyrant does not have ANY golden apples, nor does she have a crown.  But I don't want to talk about her, I want to talk about ME.

Didn't Caroline do a marvelous job of capturing my very essence?  I have decided to become a Patron of the Arts.  So, in additon to my name name name, Mister Bird, I will also be known as Oliver the Parrot, Patron of the Arts.  OTPPOTA.    Doesn't that look important?  Maybe it should be OTP, POTA.

Mister Bird, Esq., Patron of the Arts.  Oh, I like that.

The strange black and white dog is a mystery to me.  I am a little confused by his name.  The woman says it's Solo, which sounds to me like a cross between Hello and Hola.  I don't like that, and when I called him Hello she laughed and we all know I don't like that.  So I call him Big Boy.

Big Boy stretches out when he sleeps, and he got his toe caught in his shiny silver cage.  OH MY-the screaming.  He screamed and I shouted and the woman came running.  She sorted it out, like when I got my beak caught.  I didn't tell him to shut up because when you are frightened like that, you pretty much have to scream.  How else would the woman know it was time to come running?

The woman is going to put up pink lights soon for something called Christmas.  If I like them, I may instruct her to keep them up indefinitely.  I can do that, now that I am a POTA.  HAW!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

KMAT-Whoever painted a Target on my Mustang


Crap on a Cracker and KMA-two wrecks in one day.  A new record.  I'm going to have to do the insurance thing, and the paint job thing and what a PITA that is.   Black Friday holds new meaning for me now.  Neither was my fault, Mustang hurt slightly, me a little sore, Molly who was in the first one is fine.  But, SERIOUSLY?  Kiss My Ass.

One Holiday Event Down, More to Go.  Oh wait, I'm supposed to be fostering a good attitude.  Ok, in that case ANTI Kiss MY ASS-meaning good vibes are going out into the world.  Hey, it's my blog, I can make the rules.  Reverse Ass Kissing is allowed.

So, for the entire Month of December, if you want to complain you have to do it along with a reverse kiss as well.  Bitch away, then suck it up and say something nice, even if it's just a random niceness.

So-long store lines-Kiss My Ass.  Reverse Kiss-glad I have money to shop.

Don't like the rules-Kiss My Ass.  Reverse Kiss-glad you stopped by.