Wednesday, December 16, 2009

HAW-Oliver Answers Your Questions

Haw-I'm going to answer your questions!

Teri C asks...Is it safe to put up a Christmas Tree?

Terri, it might be safe for me, but not the tree.  The woman hung decorations on a window frame and they are pretty.  I like to look at them, but I can't land on a frame.  A tree-well, even if I didn't land on it the Solo pup would pull it down. The cat died.  I don't know what that is, but I think it means she won't be pulling down any trees.

Emily asks....What do you throw when you get mad?
The woman has a shiney silver bucket she will hang on my cage.  I walk over and throw it to her and she catches it-then she hangs it up and we do it again until I get bored.  I also throw off anything she puts up there that I don't want to eat. I'm not mad though, I just don't want it on my cage.

Lisa asks....Do you get close to the dogs, are you afraid of them?
I have sat in the chair with the woman, Prissy and the cat.  The woman has to remind me not to nibble Prissy's ears.  Solo and I are making friends-he has a big nose and I'd kind of like to nibble it.  Moon comes over to my cage and visits.  The other's pretty much stay away from me.  Sometimes I will dive bomb them for fun, but when I do the woman says NO NO NO and puts me back in my cage.  HMPH. The kitty kitty used to come when I called, but she doesn't any more on account of the whole dead thing.

Mim wants to know-which came first-the bird or the egg?
I think it must be the bird, because this birdy likes to eat eggs.  In my world view, I am the beginning and the end, the be-all and end all of all that is good. I don't spend a lot of time worrying about those who came before and what do I care about those who come after?  I think when you humans started writing stuff down you got a little sideways.

Soulbrush wants to know who I would go live with if the woman kicked me out.
Is this a trick question?  In the first place the woman wouldn't get out of bed or remember to put the dogs out or back in if I didn't tell her.  Then I'd have to remind her to kick me out.

I'm not really sure what happened and how I ended up here, and for awhile I wasn't sure I liked it much.  I wanted things to be the same as they were.  But now I'm here and I'm going to stay.  I was scared the first time she went away, and I don't like it when she does, but I know now she'll come back.

So, she and I are stuck with each other, because I wouldn't kick her out either.  I've spent too much effort training her to do my bidding and the dogs would starve and who would answer the door?

Caroline would like to know how old I am.
I am going to be 10 years old this year....yes yes yes.  We don't know the exact date of my birth-so I just take the last two digits of the current year-it's close enough for parrot work.

I will live up to 50 years in captivity...not sure what captivity means.  Here is some good information about greys in general-some of which applies to me me me.  Notice there is no mention of art collection or internet activity-clearly the authors have never met a grey like me.

That was fun fun fun!  I like talking about ME!  It's my favorite subject.  HAW HAW HAW!


Jon said...

Well, I know who to ask now when I have a need for straight answers!

Thanks Oliver

soulbrush said...

this makes things so clear for me, and i was so dumb thinking you would ever leave the woman or she would ever leave you, i thik pigs would fly before that happened!haw dear OLD thing... I have been in captivity for more than 60 years, so i am well past my sell-by-date!thank goodness i am not a boidie.

Mim said...

SB in captivity!!! HAHAHA - how funny is that!!! make my day!

Teri C said...

ROFLOL!!! I love this coumn Oliver, you need your own "Oliver Gives Advice" (aka Oliver talks about Oliver)

studio lolo said...

hey Oliver, you have quite a lot of info here today!
You're a wealth of information, a regular reporter giving us a plethora of facts!
We talked about your woman today. Do you know who WE are??
KJ, Mim and me, Lolo. Yep, we were all together today!!! It was a surprise for me and it was a good one!

maybe you could surprise me one day okay?

HAW Oliver, Mr. Birdy Bird Bird!

Mim said...

Yup, we had a good afternoon and mostly talked about what a good time we had in P'town.

Boy, I must have been really drunk there, I only remember tiny bits of the weekend!

Debra Kay said...

MIM-that woman showed me the pictures and she laughed and laughed. She would not let me nibble your little likeness. I wouldn't mean to but I might, maybe, probably would tear it up.

LOLO-I will surprise you one day but I can't tell you when or it wouldn't be a surprise......ARGGGGH! My pirate song is on. The woman will sometimes say "what does pirate say?" and I say ARGH!

Caroline said...

Thanks Oliver - I know a lot about African Greys now! - You didn't say whether your portrait has arrived - pls let me know!