Tuesday, June 23, 2009


Hmmm, I suck at being consistent these past weeks-oh well, Kiss My Ass. I'm here, today, right now, ready to tell the world to pucker up. The line forms at the rear.

Plumbing problems can KISS MY ASS. My sink was backed up for three days, and the day before the plumber shows up it clears. I'm sure it had something to do with the four bottles of Liquid Plumber I poured down it, but STILL. Kiss My Ass and take that-I had him root the drain anyway so I'd know it was clear all the way through.

Giant Horseflies that bruise and draw blood-Kiss My Ass and GO AWAY. I spray the horse and they come for me-so I've started spraying my jeans too.

Joy killers- oh kiss my ass, seriously. If someone is happy about something, and you don't understand it, just nod and say "how nice". The truth is, you'll probably never understand it and you don't NEED to understand it or approve of it. You DO understand that they are happy, right? That's all you need to know. If you don't have to pay for it, or clean up after it-just fucking be happy too.

In the same category is Nosey Neighbors. Kiss My Ass. If I get something big in a box-WHY do you need to know what is in that box, where I got it, what I am going to do with it? I don't know why this irritates me so. It's an okie thing. In Dallas I could drag a dead body across the lawn and no one would have commented on it unless it started stinking up the place.

I guess I want the warmth of Oklahoma with the complete anonymity of Dallas. Not likely to happen.

Monday morning's exchange:

Nosey Neighbor "Oh, what did you get, a dryer?"

Me (not sure where the dryer came from) "No, a chest freezer"

Nosey Neighbor "What are you going to put in it?"

Me (wanting to say "A body")" Stuff I want to freeze."

REALLY-what kind of question is THAT? AAAAAAAAAAAAGH


soulbrush said...

yay another kmat.
here goes:
waiting for results of biopsies:KMFA
always trying to be smiley and nice at work: kmfa
rude people on trains: kmfa
actually nearly all humanity right now:kmfa!!!
wordveri:unwaffl (well i certainly did that!)

studio lolo said...

Packing on Monday...KMAM
packing on Tuesday...KMAT
packing on Wednesday...KMAW
packing on Thursday...KMAT
packing on Friday...KMAF
Packing on Saturday...KMAS
packing on Sunday....KMAS
repeat above for 2 months
(kiss my ever-lovin' ass)

word veri=MUSTR as in all the strength I have!


Michele said...

I'm in the perfect bad mood today for kiss my ass:
*The mood I'm in today can kiss my ass and go away.
*All the rich SAHMs in my neighborhood who have maids and nannies and basically just spend their days visiting with each other can KMA.
*The company that is offshoring my husband's job, KMA.
*The price of gasoline, KMA.
*My infertility while everyone around me is pooping out babies like, well, pool, KMA.

Michele said...

Sorry, meant to say pooping out babies like poop but I was so worked up I made a typo : )

Julie said...

I like this KMAT...very liberating!!!

kj said...

well what about that freezer? what are you going to put in it, and why? like, how many of each thing you are going to use it for? myself, the first thing i would do is freeze fresh blueberries.

so now that i've become nosy neighbor # 2 (oe 22), may i also tell you that i love these 'kiss my ass' segments. you are sooooo right on.

and ms. dk, i kinda think you are happy....


Debra Kay said...

I AM happy.

What's funny is that the contents of one of my freezers is snake food-and that would freak out anyone but a snake owner.....LOL. However, I don't like to draw attention to the snakes (cause then I have kids knocking at my door wanting a show).

Right now it's got a lot of meat for my brother's visit and fourth of July cooking, but I'll also stock up on dog food bones, etc. as they come on sale. The garden hasn't produced enough to freeze yet-it's the first year and I didn't get to compost or prepare the soil as I would have liked. I'm cooking up compost now to redo it for fall.