Wow, I really let my knickers down

I read my first post on this blog (which I do periodically) and then skipped through bits a pieces-last December was a hard month. I've yelled at my ancestors, thumbed my nose at death and indulged in shameless navel gazing. Recently I declared that I'd figure out the entire point to life itself.

Poidogz, my other blog, is easier to keep on topic-mostly it's about my dogs with a few rants and other animals thrown in. Everything here, in this blog, relates to midlife, because it's part of MY life and I am mid.....but is it really topical?

Remember the scene in Ab Fab, where Eddie's father is layed out in the casket in the sitting room?
Patsy says "what is it?" and Eddie says "Pats, it's my dead father" and Patsy replies "yes, but is it ART?"

Dang, I could really use an Ab Fab Marathon right now.

Daddy said he dreamed the other night that John came over and told him he didn't want to go back to Southpark-he was adamant, kicking and screaming. Of course, that could just as easily have been Daddy's own psyche telling him adamantly that he (Daddy) doesn't want to go to a nursing home. At the time (lunchtime) I was having trouble getting my food down and really wished we could all just talk about something pleasant. I had spent the morning on the phone and would spend part of the afternoon working through current events.

Am I that disrespectful that I just disregarded a dream message? I don't think that's it, I think I'm just human and tired, no more, no less. And, very unsure. This feels like really THE END, at least for Uncle John, and I want so much to do my part correctly, but I'm not sure what that part is. And how ego centric of me, MY part in HIS death???? How vain. But I don't mean for it to be, I just want to do the best job I can, even if I am not sure what that job is.

So, there it is, but is it ART?