Complete Exhaustion is good

I went to a Jewel concert last night. It was at a casino. I won 180 dollars while waiting for the concert. Concert was great. Went out after to a bar a did a little dancing. Came home, goofed around till 2 ish. Up at 8 and out by 9 and spent the day at the stables. Had a nice ride. Did I accomplish anything? I'm not sure, other than that I'm not so frozen inside. Maybe that has merit too.

I bet I sleep well tonight too.

Frozen Inside

I feel a bit frozen inside. I wonder when I will thaw?

What a Difference a Year Makes

This was Oliver the dog this time last year.



So much has happened, so much has changed. Life is like that.

HAW Ya'll

The woman keeps mentioning that my beak is "overgrown" and I think it's just fine.  Birds in the wild don't get trimmed....hmph.  But she keeps saying something about a trim and a "check up".....I'm not sure I like the sound of that at all.

I gave her a fright on Sunday-ooooooh it was funny.  I hid, and while she pretended not to be excited, I know she was.  She looked in all my favorite places and kept listening for the pitty patter of my birdy toes.  She even checked the cat to see if she was unusually fat.  Hahhhhhhhhaaahahahahahahaaaa. 

 I was sitting right in plain sight next to the VCR, not saying a thing.  I know now to keep very still so she can't locate me.  Oh, it was so much fun.  She was so glad to see me she didn't even scold me for shredding the directions to her new video game.

I DO like old familiar places, but I like to take a look at the room from new vantage points as well.  It's a good habit, don't you think?

Instead of my toilet paper roll, I got my peanuts in something called a cracker box.  wwwwwwoooooo-that was so  much fun to shred.  I shredded some immediately and then went back and shredded a little more....then a little more.  A guy like me needs a challenge every now and then.

Beam Me Up Scotty: No Pup Yet UPDATE

The original Pup, the one this one was in place of

Beam Me Up Scotty: No Pup Yet

became available.  Same thing happened with Moonie too.  If the picking order works out, I will take her and make it work, however it needs to work.  She is out of the litter I wanted, and is just what I visualized, and was the only solid red smoothie.  But several people ahead of me had a similar vision, so it didn't look like it was going to happen.  And it might NOT, but it might.

Essentially, it puts this pup one generation closer to Moon's great Grandmother, Pearl, who I adore.  The pups mother looks (except for being red) a lot, an awful lot, like Pearl.  The sire is Moon's sire, Sage.  I feel like Same/Sire, one step back on the family tree, I can pretty well predict this pup would be a ripper.

So, I really hope it is meant to be and my feeling of "wait" was just for this event.  I would have been truly heartbroken if I had brought home the other pup (who was nice too) and then my red smoothie girl became available, because there is no way I could manage two pups that close in age.

I'm excited, but not fearful.  I really think what is meant to be in this case will happen.   But she WOULD be the perfect dog to herd pairs with Moon.  So, yeah, I've crossed my fingers.

Snow and Ice-Everyone has an Opinion

An Uncactus

No cactus, but this bent tree and the cold landscape reminded me somehow of a cactus. Maybe I'm reaching a bit....maybe not.

One of the Boys

All is orderly in the universe

This is a shot of the little guys when they first got here. All are doing well. Below is a rare size order arrangement in the backyard.

Which is it?

Sometimes I feel like I'll never "get started" and sometimes I feel like I started a long time ago and never really noticed.  Maybe fan fares are just for cruise departures.

Working on the Farm

Yesterday I spent a day running farm errands, working with horses and had one of the best days I've had in a long time.  It was just so nice to be focused on the task at hand and nothing else.  One of the other students came out in the afternoon, he's from Canada.  It was so bizarre (to me) to see someone who could work around animals and who spoke with a French accent.  I mean no disrespect to the French, I just don't think of them as farm boys.

His name was Oliver-which of course he said as "Oli-vee-yay" and that cracked me up too.  I may have to teach that one to Mr. Bird.  Yes, he no longer wakes up and says his name, now he wakes up and coos "Mr. Bird........"  I guess he was ready for a change.

Happy Oliver (errr) Animal Wednesday!!!!

Helllllloooooooooooo!  It's MY day again.  Yesssssssss!  Front and Center Stage for Meeeeeee!

The woman has gone out on some mission or another-mentioned something to me about a massage and a facial-hope it puts her in a cheerier mood.  I really can't complain too much, yesterday I got a coffee filter to shred in the morning and in the afternoon I got a paper sack with peanuts in it.  Oh, that was fun fun fun.  Shredding is good for the soul-you should all try it sometime.  

I am working working working to teach those parakeets, but the only noises they make so far are parakeet noises.  Still, they are young and they are NOT African Greys.  I really enjoy having other birds around, especially since these don't talk, are NOT front and center, and they admire me greatly.  Admiration is a heady drug for us all, hehehehhehheheeeeeee.

In other animal doings, the stupid cat jumped in the cage when the woman was moving the BIG python.  THAT was quite a moment.  The big snake moved back and hissed, the cat jumped back and hissed and the woman just held on to the snake and shoved the cat out of the way before anything more exciting could happen.  Heh heh heh.  Dumb cat.  Oh, that cat was so surprised....heh heh heeeeeee.  Just goes to show, it pays to LOOK BEFORE YOU LEAP!!!!!

Current Events

Since not much is going on with me worth commenting on, I turned to current events today and watched the inauguration.  And dang it, I felt better than when I started.

I liked seeing the former Presidents all together-for some reason I've always liked that.  I liked seeing all the happy faces-I don't think I've seen enough happy humans lately.  Note to self: Look for more happy people.

After the oath, I went to my folks for coffee and told my father that while I mean no disrespect to him or any other white man, seeing someone who is NOT a white man in a position of power make me feel like I can achieve more.  I did not tell Daddy that I keep seeing Mrs. O's brother and think he's kind of cute in a bald black man sort of way.  I don't think Dad is ready for that yet.

Oliver the parrot is pleased.  Obama is a fun word to say- and he'll be hearing it on the news a lot for awhile, so he's chuffed about that.  To celebrate I gave him a coffee filter to shred during the cermonies.  He also hung upside down and rang his bell.

The bad boyz just kept up their usual parakeet chorus.  I didn't realize that a flock of birds will sing ALL day long.  Constantly.  In order to cope, I have to leave the TV off-the bird background noise is enough.  A parakeet chorus is a funny thing-they will all sing in harmony, but periodically one will break out with his own wild solo.  It's hard to remember that a few weeks ago these birds sat silent and huddled.

One thing I found strangely sad-Bush left before the lunch.  I know it's the whole changing of the guard and yadda yadda, but it seems rude to invite someone to a party and not give them at least a sandwich.  Momma told me he'll get a nice lunch on Air Force One-now just a special mission plane.  I am not a Bush supporter, but I would still give him a sandwich if he came to my party.  But that's just me.

No Pup Yet

I woke up today convinced that I needed to wait, and so wait is what I'm going to do.  Moon is just starting his teenage stage, and I may have been lulled into complacency by Oliver, who is a very mild dog and whose rebellious stage was glaring at me one day when I told him to go outside.  I said "Oliver, are you rebelling?" and he immediately trotted out the door.  

Moon is cut from sterner stuff, and I want him bullet proof around horses-he has to be in order to fulfill my fantasy of going off to the stable, dog in tow, yadda yadda.

I'm a little saddened by the sure knowledge that the world is full of nice dogs, and another nice dog will come along when I'm ready.  I feel like letting go of "the one and only" notion is a sign I am becoming jaded.

Joining the Fragments

Thus Spake the Crow...: Broken...

I am joining my blogger friends to be one of the fragments that make up the beautiful whole.

An Interesting Burger

Tonight a group of us met and ate at Red Robin. You can order steamed veggies instead of fries-and they are quite nasty. I ordered a burger with no bun that had bleu cheese, bacon, chopped cabbage and carrots,onion sticks and was topped with an egg. I smashed some of the nasty steamed veggies on for health and ate about half of it.

I've never stuck an egg on top of a burger before-it was a new experience and I quite like it once I got past that odd way it looked. The cabbage and carrots could have used a little coleslaw dressing on it-cabbage and carrots in and of themselves are kind of bleah-even a vinagrette would have given it a little zing. However, the cabbage and the onion sticks (I really only ate a few) are now dueling about mid-intestine. Clearly this is not a meal for a first date.......

Oliver has been full of himself ever since I played WII tennis last night and killed a spectator. I was so surprised I shouted "SHIT, I just killed a spectator" and he picked up on the SHIT word and has enjoyed it thoroughly ever since. He enjoys a good game of WII Sport almost as much as I do.

Moon and I are going to Eastern Oklahoma tomorrow to look at a pup prospect. I've had a deposit down for some time and this might be a good time to housebreak a new one. Moon is doing great at guard dog duty, but when he does shotgun duty with me, he can't be a guard dog at home. So, my solution is to have rotating border collies-one for the house, and one for the car. Also, I just really want another BC-I enjoy working with them.

Yes, I LIKE it-and I know people who have more dogs than I do. So THERE. And while it would appear that I have an ever growing dog population, I lost two last year so we would really be about the same. Yes, I'm rationalizing.

About Me (Graphic Medical Stuff Here)

It's been crazy in my head and my life these past few weeks. Like many people, I carry tension in my stomach and intestines (which is probably better than in your heart). In a New Year's resolution, I started taking all my vitamins, including calcium, not realizing the Prilosec I take has calcium in it, as well as the cheese I eat a lot of, many of the protein drinks....I got backed up to an epic, never before experienced level. And let me just say, that sucks. It drains energy, makes you feel slugged out and depressed.

It took me forever to realize that I wasn't depressed, I was full of shit. People have been telling me that for years, and it was true. Getting that taken care of took several days and multiple enemas-I didn't want to use harsher methods because that just sets you up for another cycle of the same.

While I was backed up I was also throwing up-(this has happened once before, pre weight loss surgery) so the Prozac wasn't going down-so then I became REALLY depressed. Does anyone remember that funny joke that went around a few years ago-the gist of it was, if you don't shit you'll die, so assholes rule the world? It isn't so funny when it happens to you.

On a cosmic note, I decided this was the physical manifestation of my hanging on too many things-and I've started cleaning up and letting go again.

The only other great insight I've had lately is this: I was watching the Nat Geo show on the moment of death, and how the very definition of death has changed with technology. During the mandatory section on the afterlife, I realized that religion is largely divided into two sections-HERE and THERE, and much of what rules HERE depends on what you think is going to happen THERE, and who you believe, and it's all a big construction of whatever we think or have been told. Ok, I say we, I personally don't spend a great deal of time thinking about how my actions today will affect my afterlife, maybe I should, but I don't.

At the moment I felt Uncle John leave, it wasn't a bad thing at all. It was the metaphysical equivalent of him walking out a door to someplace he was looking forward to being. I remember thinking "wow, what's the fuss about?" and I've spoken with several people who have had the same experience.

So (drumroll please for the insight) maybe Death is more meaningful to the living than the person actually dying. Certainly all the rigamaroll after the death occurs is. I have more of an understanding now that the funeral folderol is about honoring LIFE than honoring death, and I'm more open minded about it. I still find some parts creepy, but to each his own.

I do wish I could get the physical worked out so I could go back to work on the mental and actually begin to produce income again. But I also have a strong feeling that that will all work out in time and when the right thing comes along, I'll know it. I've explored everything lately from farrier (the first thing I ever wanted to be) to barista at Starbucks. Nothing strikes me as something I'd like to do for any length of time. It will be interesting to see what I become.

It's MEEEEEEEE HAW HAW HAW!

While some of us are moping, others of us continue our lives and the running of other's lives. Under my tutelage and the woman's feeding, the young 'keets have become downright boisterous. When they get too loud I say "Boys, boys, quiet!" When the cat wants in, I say "MEOW MEOW" until the woman comes and lets the cat in. The slims, well, they can just wait.

I live in the front part of the house now-not evening going into the back to sleep. I'm very proud of myself for how comfortable I've become-well, I SHOULD be. It's hard for parrots to go through so many changes, and now I pretty much run this empire all on my own. The woman informed me today she has purchased plastic containers for all bird feed as she does not like it when I go on walkabout and feed myself. Does she really think I will be thwarted by plastic? HAH! I welcome the challenge.

Now, I really would like to learn to open that big white box that the craps (grapes) are in. There are sometimes peppers and broccoli in there too. And CHEESE. She keeps all the good stuff in that white box. I don't like broccoli though-when she gives it to me I carry it over and toss it into the box the cat uses.....ooooooooooh, that's funny funny funny funny. My favorite is the cheese and the craps. Sometimes I stand in front of the white box and say "crap crap crap" and the woman laughs and gives me one.

She finally got around to opening her mail, or at least some of it. Lolo is a talented artist who captured the essence of the African Grey sense of humor with her card. A big mmmmwaaaaaaah (kissing noise) to you! It was a pretty pretty card! PRETTY!

OOOOOOOH, I wish you could all have a wonderful pretty pretty bird like me......HAW!

Intruder Alert! HAW HAW HAW

Just kidding-fooled you didn't I? We have an entire cage full of inferior birds-why my WING weighs more than they do. Still, someone was mean to them and we can't have that. I have been speaking to them and they seem to be fairly mute-a few cheeps and all, but no words like I can say.

I did a fly by of their cage....hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! You should've seen them scatter. I bet they thought I was an eagle-a great big old harpy EAGLE.....heeeheeeeeee.

Still, they provide some amusement when my human leaves on whatever it is she does, and it IS good to be able to commune with my own kind (as long as they know their place, which is in line somewhere BEHIND me). Yes, yes, there is always room for more in our flock (as long as I am at the head of the flock).

So, my Rastafeatheren Movement is gathering momentum-one rag tag bird at a time. If my human would quit moping she could do an animation with all of us dancing-three to the left, three to the right ME in the middle. That would be quite lovely. Stupid girl needs to get busy.

Anyway-HAW to you all!

Free Fallin

Drove to Denton yesterday (in Texas, where I went to Grad School) and decided to visit Bari's, the legendary cheap Italian place by campus. The tree was still there in the dining room, but ownership has changed hands and the house dressing and the rolls were not the same.

I wondered why it made me sad-since I can no longer eat them anyway-I'm not the same either.

I looked over at a table I remembered sitting at a tried to see myself and my friends as we were. Not a single one of us has ended up where we thought we'd be-but no one is too bad off. And, with my determined eye, I could see that at the time, we were all pretty much the same basket case THEN as we are now. Let it not be said that I look at the past with rose colored glasses.

I think the sadness came from realizing that back then I still believed there was a plan and if we held true to our plan we'd meet our destiny blah blah blah. Plan? Hah. There aint' no stinking plan, only one's ability to meet the present situation.

I think some people spend their entire lives trying to get in touch with a plan or path that isn't there at all. Maybe that's why when they are on their death bed they say "I should have......"

78 today, 30 tomorrow

So I stayed outside almost all day today. I had a nice riding lesson and just putzed and piddled all the way home. I bet that l sleep well tonight.

Bailey, the lesson horse, was in a ornery mood today. Part of it was because before I got him I stopped to look at a new mare and oooh'd and ahhhh'd and admired. Anyway, he kept me on my toes and we both got a kick (not literal) out of it. He got extra brushing and cuddles when we were done.

Hmmm, ahhhh

This is one of those days where you just have to keep trying something till it works. I even toyed with the idea of canceling my riding lesson tomorrow-but Patricia needs the money, and Bailey needs to earn his living. And riding WILL make me feel better, it always does.

I sat in front of the blue full spectrum box, considered taking a class, went to lunch with Mom and Dad, took Moon for a drive, went to the Goodwill and found jeans in my size and style (that never happens for me).

I gave Oliver his new toy and he's all excited about that. The bad boyz budgies are settling in (with help from my humidifier) and are acting like they might just like it here. Willie, the one that almost got away, is actually pretty friendly and bold-I liked that about him from the first moment I saw him (which is why I gave him my favorite name).

Guess I'll go clean up some snake poop or something-that always cheers me up.

Waylon, Willie and the Boys are here

Waylon, Willie, George, Johnny, Merle and Charlie are here. The one who will probably be known as Willie escaped from the cage right into the jaws of the cat, then zoomed around Prissy, into the kitchen and then into a hall cabinet before his ultimate rescue/capture. After using a laundry net to capture the errant Willie, I figured out how to move the others without incident or fuss.

Before going to pick up the birds, I spent an extra 97 dollars on toys and food since I already bought a cage for them. After learning the full story, and seeing the aftermath, I would cheerfully spend $697 dollars for a gun to shoot the person who did that in both kneecaps before leaving THEM on the side of a road with an impending cold front.

150 birds were left, I think 80 something are still living, some just barely, but hanging on, clinging to life the way only a very tiny, fragile creature can. Feathers fluffed, breathing in raggedy breaths, but still breathing, still eating, fighting to live. A high percentage of them had broken legs and feet-from being slammed inside feeder trays-apparently the person was too busy to make sure tiny bones were out of harms way before shutting the trays.

Sadder still, this the second big box of birds that has been left by the road to die recently. These animals were treated with less care and concern than I give to my feeder rats. I try and try not to be negative, to remain positive and think about the good life that the birds will have now. But every time I look at them, I am filled with rage and fear.

And not just fear of the person who did this. Fear that I really could, with no remorse, shoot them in the kneecaps and leave them by the side of the road. That side of me is hard to look at, but there it is.

Happy New Year-An Auspicious Beginning

I took the little dogs outside at the crack of 8. With Lily under one arm and Prissy under the other, I walked out, greeted the rest of the pack and together we went outside into the cold morning air. Breathing deeply, I looked around and then turned to kiss each of the tiny dogs I was still holding. Then my jeans fell down around my ankles.

That pretty much broke the spiritual vibe.