Do you ever get so much going on in your head that you think it might explode? I'm sure you do, we all do. Is that somehow supposed to comfort me now? It doesn't.
I've been stuck in idle now for weeks, WEEKS. The turning of the year has done nothing for my mood or my energy level. And yet, I just keep piling on more todos and projects and schemes and dreams. AAAAAAGH. Stop. Enough.
I believe this is the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my own skin. And yet, it seems to me to be exactly the place I SHOULD be now. Why am I choosing this? Is this a way to personal growth or just a new and diabolical method of self torture?
I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow and part of me wanted to be there last month and part of me doesn't want to leave my living room. What if John takes another turn for the worse-what if Mom goes up to visit him and gets locked in (she's not good with electric locks)...what if Dottie gets worse, what if what if what if...and of course, I haven't painted the red boots yet, and there is so much undone....
Yet, I could sit here on the love seat typing for another millennium and still not come up with any good answers to those or a thousand other questions. Because, those are questions that I don't have answers to or control over. How funny-the things that clutter our minds the most are things that we really can't predict/control anyway.
Yep, time to step away from the madness for a bit, go out, and get a new look at it from the outside. Of course the real madness is with me, but it's kind of hard to leave me behind, and really, I wouldn't want to do that anyway.