Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Does this shirt make me look crazy?

I finally settled on a funky T-shirt that has some stitching on it and some lettering about Mexico, but deciding what to wear to a first visit to the therapist is just a hoot. I finally just decided to wear what I would wear for the rest of the day and not worry about it-after all, it's all about self disclosure, right?

Session went good, lots of questions, lots of answers (from me). Wouldn't it be great to be able to establish a baseline without that first visit?

By the way, I don't think I'm crazy-I just need some guidance in getting my bearings again. Pretty much like some of my wanderings on the road, I roam around lost until I am ready to be found again, then off I go. But, I would like to be more mindful of what I do.

Jumping into this new phase (move to Oklahoma, live near parents) really wasn't a spur of the moment idea-I had been toying with it for several years. If I had known what it would involve, I probably wouldn't have done it. But, I'm here, and I am going to go through it not around it. With my age, and my parent's age, there isn't likely to be a second chance.

Being human is so hard, as Mim says. But lately I've felt more human and less mask than I have in a long time.

6 comments:

Forever Young said...

what about 'life's a bitch and then you die'.
there must've been some very deep need in you to be nearer to them, not for them, but for you, ever thought of that? only you can say NO to being a doormat, it took me over 50 years to learn that trick! and sometimes i still slip up. but i can never even imagine what you go through as my parents both died in their fifties....

Mim said...

Just stopped by to say hi friend! good for you with the therapist, I'm thinking I need some guidance myself...maybe? maybe too scared? we'll see...

Debra Kay said...

Yes FY-I need to be here too for ME. I've always said that, that being here now is easier in the long run than waiting till they die and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to learn on my own.

And some of what I'm learning is just what I don't want to do-accept the status quo and then end up being embittered when it's too late to change it. (Climbs up on sociology soap box) The fragmenting of the family due to jobs, etc, has left an entire generation with no idea of how to age or what goes on with aging. I'm just really shocked that as I deal with my aging parents, I am finding out a lot about myself as well.

Some of it may be instinctual. When Oliver(the scruffy pup) goes and nibble on Cody's face seeking comfort or my arm seeking comfort, he's asking for the same reassurance that I keep asking my parents for. Now, I KNOW they can't give to me, for a lot of reasons, but I can't stop asking for it any more than he can. **Insight** what I CAN stop, is being surprised when it's not there, and learn how to reassure myself for find that in some other way. ********Hugs Forever Young so hard she loses her breathe*******

Mim-a really good therapist will not push you harder than you can take. Those big breakthrough weeping scenes are really more movie fodder than reality. In reality, the breakthroughs, at least for me come when I'm quiet and calm.

kj said...

good going. btw--you CAN stop asking. honest.

:)

Michele said...

I so wish I could see a therapist again. I haven't seen one since my sexual harrassment days at Fujitsu and she finally gave up on me ... told me to just start taking some pills that she couldn't help me. How said is that. I'm not help-able. Glad your first session went well. Can't wait to hear more.

Debra Kay said...

Kj-you are a hoot! I think a good therapist, one you can work with, is a rare bird. I'm sure your company has an EAP (employee assistance program). I'd start with that-it's usually 6 sessions with a local person, and some of them even have night appointments. I've gone that route a couple of times, and it has been helpful.