Thursday, April 5, 2007

Family Values

No one can pull your chain like your own mother. I told her that I had decided I would stop and eat a bait of ribs because I hadn’t been outside the door for anything but work/errands in months and eating was the only thing I could do for enjoyment at the moment. Her response “well, now you don’t want to start that.....” but in the next breath was planning to go to the rib place (Jakes, fabulous) when I drive up next week. So it’s ok to eat ribs when she says it’s Ok, but not?

My mother has an eating disorder-she’s obsessed with food and fixing it and feeding everyone but making sure they don’t eat too much. It’s her own way of coping with her fears of gaining weight when she was younger and as long as she doesn’t puke or overly restrict it’s not that harmful of a thing....unless you happen to be her daughter. I understand we are all a product of the society we are raised in, so I am not saying this with any malice towards my mother, who I love dearly.

She was the typical 60’s housewife and she did a great job of pinching pennies, decorating, cleaning the house, etc. but there is a huge generation gap for us. I have more in common with my father because I was single head of household. But Mom and I have our Chihuahuas in common, and our twisted relationships with food. And we like to garden.

At once point, or many points I probably have felt guilty for not being a more girly girl and having things in common with my mother, but that just isn’t how life turned out for me. She had the luxury of being taken care of and not having to know how to do things. I really don’t think I would have fit well into that role myself.

It seems like the older I get the more urgent things seem and I am chafing at the bit again. So, when she says things like “I wish you’d just sell that trailer” it really pushed my buttons, but I handle it much better these days. Maybe that is the nature of things, we replay our childhood until we get it right or someone dies.

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