My thoughts on HB 1309

Ok, my tax dollars are being spent regulating the movement of Non-native SNAKES? Shouldn’t we be worried about the non-native PEOPLE draining our system dry? Maybe we could think about some protection against terrorists instead of worrying about what kind of pet I might keep.

Now, it’s ok to keep a snake-it just has to be a Texas approved snake. So, if my locally caught rattlesnake happens to bite someone-oh well. I didn’t need a license for it. Nor do I need a license if I am a carnival or a menagerie keeper?

Well shit, I’m set because I’m a fat lady with a one eyed dog.

I don’t see the point of this legislation other than a reaction to media frenzy created by the picture of the python who exploded while eating an alligator. We must ban non-native species (most of which wouldn’t survive the winter) because, well, dang it, we’re in Texas and we don’t hold with them non-native species. So thar.

Now granted, every now and then a big constrictor gets out and squeezes someone, usually the owner, and most often alcohol or rampant stupidity is involved. So why not legislate against alcohol consumption or rampant stupidity? These are a more prevalent threat to the public safety and well being. Of course, that might involve removing some of the members of the legislature.

I’ve been bitten by a lot of critters, the most painful being a common housecat and a cocker spaniel. No one worries about those hazards-there is no common housecat legislation pending, and the cocker spaniel coalition would never allow those plucky little fellers to be defamed in the political arena.

One spring I did have a big, non-native constrictor turn up on my doorstep (I swear it’s true). AND I had a common housecat, a 5 pound chihuahua, plus, one small child at the time. I think it (the snake)was a young reticulated python, about 8 feet long. It was basking in the sun. I called animal control. Problem solved.

Really guys, this isn’t a serious public threat. I can speak as someone who has been there, on the receiving end of a visitation by a large, non-native constrictor.

As a citizen of the great state of Texas, I demand that someone get on board with the idea we in the risk management area like to call priorities. Prioritize items by severity of threat and by likelihood of occurrence. Don’t think too hard-they have programs that will do that for you. Next, address the threats in order of importance. The programs will map it out for you in color if you like-start with the red, move to the yellow, so on. Since you are spending tax dollars, go ahead and pop for a program that incorporates orange as well.

Once you get everything AHEAD of the threat to the public well being from non-native snakes-give me a call and we’ll talk.