Sunday, April 29, 2007

Body then the Mind

I indulged in a complete mini breakdown yesterday-unable to shake off some fury that was created at work-I slept, and only ate healthy food. That got my leg back in order (let myself walk a little too fast and a little too stompy because I was pissed off) and the coffee is putting my mind back to rights as well.

I have to enclose myself in my home and my animals, or head out on the open road, before I can get that perspective that says "so what".

I was right and the other person was wrong INJUSTICE complete INJUSTICE on many levels and ironically, it wasn't even MY fight, clearly it was in another area and if the other area doesn't care, why should I? (That's an easy answer, my boss cares and it's in my best interest to care about what he cares about). Oh yes people, I was right, right, right and the slimy bastard was wrong wrong wrong and nothing happened except that I had to change a RIGHTEOUS report to an ACCURATE but not RIGHTEOUS report and it pissed me off and I stomped my poor old leg.

We human beings have this need to be righteous, don't we? Even my boss pointed out I had let it turn into a pissing contest,and he is right. The goal was accomplished, late and with much annoyance to me, but the goal was achieved. IF the SB (slimy bastard) had been a dog I would have clicked and treated and then raised the criteria next time-but he is allegedl a human, as am I, and I didn't want to accomplish the goal I wanted to win win win. Crush and utterly defeat this person.

My predatory, carniverous side found something to be RIGHT about and latched onto it with lethal intent-a RIGHTEOUS kill. Enemy vanquished, utterly defeated. And then, when it didn't happen, all that anger just turned inward and I had a shitty day yesterday. (But my leg did benefit from the rest).

It's not a pleasant thing to look at that side of yourself. It makes me feel/look a little like people I don't want to feel/look like, but there it is.

And really, I'm still me, I still have what I have, SB is still himself and in a few days SB's boss and I will exchange a joking e-mail or something and that will be the end of it. Spring is still springing, I have dogs and snakes and gerbils to play with-the exchange cost me nothing-nothing at all except some peace of mind, and frankly, if I wasn't sideways about that it probably would have been something else.

I don't know which is more frightening-how powerful the mind is, or the chaos that happens when a pack of minds gets together and unleashes a common goal on the real world.

1 comment:

Michele said...

Neil and I finally got around to watching Elizabeth Town (Elizabethtown) last week and there is a funny yet very true line in the movie that has stuck with me: If it wasn't this, it would be something else : )