Monday, November 26, 2007

Have You ever Noticed?

I go dead calm in crisis mode and sometimes that annoys the bejesus out of me. Uncle John's mental state is tanking, decisions must be made. The time for me feeling bad because I can't sure Parkinson's is over and I must help him move forward to the next phase.

Update family, check. Call dr., check. Prepare to be the bad guy-check.

If I functioned this well all the time I would be a machine-an awesome, calculating machine. But, I think what makes it work is that you have to shut down emotions and wishes and deal with what is. Emotions are for when it's safe.

Dementia is scary as hell. In many ways, it's worse than death. Hell, in many ways LIFE is worse than death. My promise to John and to myself was not to look away during this time-I just really didn't think the time would come or come so quickly. I moved us back to be near family in June, and at this point I'm not sure John even knows where he is any longer.

He introduced me the other day as his "agent", he's regressing into military life I guess. So, I will do what was in my master plan, move him closer to me and sit with him through this next part of things. This is my "real job" for now.

And believe it or not, I am grateful to be able to do it. I don't know why I'm grateful, but that's the thought that comes to mind. No one should have to go crazy alone.

EDIT:

Your Horoscope for November 26 , 2007



Family matters will be important today. A relative may be moving house or going through a major life change and they will need your support

2 comments:

Forever Young said...

and you can think about your horoscope while all this is going on, remarkable...your love is non ending....you once remarked that you don't do 'sympathy' well i think you are overflowing with loving and caring for others...

Debra Kay said...

Thank you. I think I have a lot of empathy, but if someone wants help I want to DO something, not sit around and agree with them.