Conversations with myself

Sometimes I have to sit down and just THINK things through. No, my parents do not understand this because (and I mean no disrespect) they are not big thinkers. Now, being a thinker can get you into a whole lot of trouble if it isn't used correctly. But not thinking, just reacting can get you into a whole lot more trouble.

Synopsis of my internal dialogue:

Me: You have really screwed this up-you have everything you want and nothing is working right. What is it you want? What are you not getting? Why can't you make this work?

Logical Me: When you set out to move back to Oklahoma-what was your vision?

Me: I'd work from home, go have coffee with my parents and we'd all get along and be happy, live long productive lives, yadda yadda yadda I'd play with my dogs a lot, start a dog therapy organization, ride horses, lose weight, become beautiful and famous and fabulously wealthy because I was finally doing what I'd set out to do.

Logical Me: And how has that worked out so far?

Me: I have coffee with my parents, but I don't even spend much time with the dogs because I feel guilty about having the time, my writing/designing sucks, approval rating from parents is 0. I have lost weight but wealth isn't happening and truly I couldn't care less about it.

Logical Me: HOw did you get along with your parents these past few years?

Me: Pretty well, I'd set up entire weekends for them, do what they wanted to do and nothing else. But it isn't realistic to keep that up on a day to day basis.

Logical Me: Do you think Moving away is the answer?

Me: That's the rub-no I don't. I think the answer is working through this. But, the answer is going to be that they are going to change-they really can't. I have to change my own expectations which is pretty hard to do since I don't know what they are.

Logical Me: Maybe that is a good place to start.

Me: Thank you, I will do that tomorrow, after I take Uncle John to the store.

Logical Me: How about you get off your arse and do it right now? You can always change it later-you always change everything anyway, so don't act so surprised, Ms. Change is LIFE.

Me: Fine

Logical Me: Oh, and one other thing. You have one hour and it will be in the format of I expect.....not I want, not I wish. You "expected" to take care of everyone and be loved and thoroughly fulfilled from doing it. (Why you expected this, I do not know, silly girl). So, toss that halo over in the corner and think about what you want and can realistically expect from this situation. I expect that it be done in just one hour.

Me: Uh, well, OK.