Monday, November 19, 2007

Conversations with myself

Sometimes I have to sit down and just THINK things through. No, my parents do not understand this because (and I mean no disrespect) they are not big thinkers. Now, being a thinker can get you into a whole lot of trouble if it isn't used correctly. But not thinking, just reacting can get you into a whole lot more trouble.

Synopsis of my internal dialogue:

Me: You have really screwed this up-you have everything you want and nothing is working right. What is it you want? What are you not getting? Why can't you make this work?

Logical Me: When you set out to move back to Oklahoma-what was your vision?

Me: I'd work from home, go have coffee with my parents and we'd all get along and be happy, live long productive lives, yadda yadda yadda I'd play with my dogs a lot, start a dog therapy organization, ride horses, lose weight, become beautiful and famous and fabulously wealthy because I was finally doing what I'd set out to do.

Logical Me: And how has that worked out so far?

Me: I have coffee with my parents, but I don't even spend much time with the dogs because I feel guilty about having the time, my writing/designing sucks, approval rating from parents is 0. I have lost weight but wealth isn't happening and truly I couldn't care less about it.

Logical Me: HOw did you get along with your parents these past few years?

Me: Pretty well, I'd set up entire weekends for them, do what they wanted to do and nothing else. But it isn't realistic to keep that up on a day to day basis.

Logical Me: Do you think Moving away is the answer?

Me: That's the rub-no I don't. I think the answer is working through this. But, the answer is going to be that they are going to change-they really can't. I have to change my own expectations which is pretty hard to do since I don't know what they are.

Logical Me: Maybe that is a good place to start.

Me: Thank you, I will do that tomorrow, after I take Uncle John to the store.

Logical Me: How about you get off your arse and do it right now? You can always change it later-you always change everything anyway, so don't act so surprised, Ms. Change is LIFE.

Me: Fine

Logical Me: Oh, and one other thing. You have one hour and it will be in the format of I expect.....not I want, not I wish. You "expected" to take care of everyone and be loved and thoroughly fulfilled from doing it. (Why you expected this, I do not know, silly girl). So, toss that halo over in the corner and think about what you want and can realistically expect from this situation. I expect that it be done in just one hour.

Me: Uh, well, OK.

2 comments:

Forever Young said...

logical (sometimes)FY: stop thinking of others, start thinking of you, don't feel guilty, your new motto is 'what about me?' and you want to just BE, stop analysing too much....tee hee it takes one to know one.

Debra Kay said...

We need to start a ME FIRST revolution.