She put a blue platform in the sleeping corner of my big cage. My sleepy perch is pink. My cage is black. BLUE? NO NO NO. I climbed right to the top of the cage and sat there. She went down the hall....and stayed.
I couldn't even watch Leno. I flew down the hall to discuss it with her. She let me eat peanuts off her belly and when I put my head down she'd give me T-Touch massages, Oliver style. Then she said NI NI and tried to put me in the cage with the blue thing. OH NO NO NO.
She got stern and said "Now Oliver, don't be silly". SILLY? Silly? What is silly? I don't think I am silly.
I went inside, hung upside down from the roof and held my wings out-time to make myself look BIG. Then I made little chirping sounds like a baby bird. That always does it.
When she bought that awful pink ladder I hated, I just had to act afraid of it, and she'd take it away. But now, for some reason she thinks I need to work through it.
If she wasn't going to watch me be afraid, I decided I might as well turn my back on the blue platform and pretend it wasn't there and eat my safflower seeds. My pink perch is in the cage but it's not in the sleeping spot. It's low. I sleep up high in the corner.
I sleep up high in the corner on a pink perch. In my travel cage I sleep in the middle on a big perch that looks like a fossil. It is brown. When I was abducted, my sleeping perches went with me. Do you follow my train of thought? At no point have I mentioned a blue platform, much like the one residing in the spot where my pink perch should be. Should be. Not is. NO NO NO.
There it is NOT. It IS where it doesn't belong. Down low. Perches don't belong down low. Pink sleeping perches never ever ever EVER belong down low by the extra seed bin.
She did not move my shiney toy-and damn her, she put a treasure box with a treat in it right on the blue thing. As if she thinks I won't notice that I'm standing on a blue thing that is right where my pink perch would be. No treat box in the world is that good. OH no no no. GOOD LORD.
Besides, if I want it I can just hang upside down snag it in my beak. What kind of fool does she take me for?
She said "Popeye has a sleeping platform and he really likes it." Well, yes he does, and yes he does. And it's green and his cage is green and it matches and it's probably been there for 30 years and by the way, I'm NOT POPEYE. I'm me me me, Mister BirdyBirdy BIRD BIRD.
Go stick a blue perch in where Popeye's green platform is now and see how he likes it. NOT AT ALL.
People should stick to bringing me craps and peanuts and rubbing my head. I"M NOT HAPPY-can you tell? Huh?