Friday, September 19, 2008


I bought this Mac in August, or whenever it was I went to Dallas, and I booted it up for the first time yesterday.  I do that a lot.  And, whether they notice it or not, so do other family members.  Case in point, Uncle John's condo was filled with things that he had purchased to update this or that, and he never did do....until one day, he was no longer able to do them.

As I've been going through my own house, sorting through things I still want to do and things I no longer care to do-I've been wearing John's dog tags, taking him with me through the journey of breaking past whatever keeps us trapped inside our things, our art in bags and not on the walls.

My half price fake (gel fuel) fireplace arrived yesterday.  I've always enjoyed a fireplace, but having one installed in an existing home is cost prohibitive, so I bought (on deep discount) a fabulous fake.  As with all my remodeling efforts, I didn't mention it, but a big brown truck in front of the house cannot go unnoticed.

"What is THAT?"
"A fake fireplace"
"I don't know why you people (Mom's friend Jean has a real one in a room addition) want those things in these tiny houses."
My stroke of genius- "Why did you hang THAT picture on THAT wall?"
She thought about it.  "Because I already had it"
Now is where the kindness comes in-whether it came from a Garage Sale or the Goodwill or whatever approved place of purchase, it was purchased, most likely by Mom herself.  But I didn't go there.  I took the high road.
"Well, I didn't have a fake fireplace and by god I wanted one!"  then I laughed heartily.

I was sorting through some craft items, putting them away if I wanted to keep them, and instead of the routine "what an idiot, why did you buy this" I thought to myself "what was I after when I bought this?  Why did I like it?  Do I still like it?"  After I finished I went to lie down for a bit and Oliver the parrot was dozing and listening to Eckhardt Tolle and Oprah Winfrey.  "hello" he said as I crawled into bed.

Ekhardt's voice from the Ipod said "When you begin to see the observer, you glimpse your true self".   Hmmmmmmmm.


kj said...

what a thought provoking essay, debra kay. a friend asked me once why i never moved into a place 100% and that got me thinking. I never finished. and that bothered me. so now, sometimes i still don't finish, but not because of the answer to my friend's observant question.


Debra Kay said...

It has been increasingly noticeable the past few moves I've made (at least to me). In this house, which is mine, bought and paid for-I should be able to butt print the walls if I want to-but I am not allowing myself to. It's like I'm saying, if I show you who I am, you might not approve, so I hide behind an unfinished state.

Granted, move down the street from Mom and Dad has taken it to a whole new level, but that's also typical of me. This time I got really close to breaking, but I think I'm making progress nonetheless...and honestly, any "break" is really only a temporary thing anyway. Our psyches are not as fragile as we think they are.

BBC said...

I don't know shit about a Mac.

soulbrush said...

hmmmm, a thought- provoking post. i get sudden 'fits' to throw things away and go mad looking at my stuff, wondering 'why the hell i get it, do i want it, can't take it with me' and then throwing it away...and blow me down if the next week i want the damned thing and say 'why the hell did you throw it away?'

soulbrush said...

didn't realise i had used the same intro words as kj, i can be a fool sometimes.

Debra Kay said...

Never a fool, soulbrush, never ever that.

Lavinia said...

I had a fake fireplace in my old apartment, and fake birch log set I bought at Sears. I loved it!! It was great!!!
Now I am in a house with a real wood burning fireplace, but believe it or not, I sometimes still think of, and miss, my old fake one. It had a real charm. I painted the mantel myself, after finding it in a junk shop. And at least there was no messy cleanup!