Sunday, September 21, 2008

Night Self

I never write at night
Or rather the wee wee hours of morning
The thoughts are much too gloomy 
And there is no comforting voice
To perk up my mind
And carry it along a happier path
My animals sleep
Alone with the clock
Tick tick tick
Time marches remorselessly on

Why do our masks come off at night
Or do they
Who is this night self


Mim said...

It's only in the past few years that any kind of depression has touched my life - and I feel that it is mostly age (hormone) related. But, that does not make it any less real, or often - less controllable. I find myself looking for and wanting to touch this darkness that comes sometimes. I can be in a "bad" mood and not be depressed. I can't find that darkness lurking and am relieved. Then suddenly - if swoops in and takes over - a real, dark, all consuming blackness. I have begun to think of it as an "evil" force - but there is no way to banish the bugger. I wait it with it for days or weeks, and then suddenly it stops and leaves. Why did it come in the first place...and why did it leave? How?
I just don't understand...but now I do understand that no one, not even myself, can say "get over it" or "just feel better" or other platitudes.

I am grateful for the time that I don't have that black devil sitting on my shoulder. The times that he/she comes makes me appreciate people who have to live with this all the time, and admire them for getting thru the days.

Debra Kay said...

We are both up early it seems. I'm sending you a hug-I wish we could share a cup of coffee at Peaches.

Great image of a black devil sitting on one's shoulder. Maybe we should ask it to join us for coffee so we can ask it a few pointed questions.......THAT should send it squawking for cover.

soulbrush said...

ditto ladies....
my own 'black devil' comes and goes....
been a lot easier since the meenie menos ended...
hey mr black dev:
na na na na na. you can't catch me....

Debra Kay said...

He's hot on my tail today-but I'm trying the "ask him questions technique". For instance, I asked my father (often the devils advocate) how it was MY fault the neighbor reached over the fence to grab my dogs? Daddy pointed out if I didn't have dogs, it wouldn't happen. I smiled and pointed out that if I have a very large fence erected, it won't happen either.

Lots under the surface-Daddy's own frustration at not being able to "protect me"....MY frustration at not really feeling that I need to be protected. I feel like going outside, standing on the cellar door, beating my chest and shouting MINE MINE MINE MOTHERFUCKERS ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MINE.

Ah yes, that old chestnut-the unmarried woman without a man to validate her claim. I still marvel that my folks would be much prouder of me if I were a fat clerk at Walmart with a grandchild on the way than of what I am.

Oh my ancient ancestors-how did you ever cope with this? Well, they drank a lot.