Thar She Blows

The tarp job held up to the storms that blew through the past few days. I’m walking much better and am trying to come up with a way to climb up and work on my seams without risking life and limb. I wish I had one of those electrical workers buckets and a crane.

No longer at the end of my rope

So, I go ino the breakroom and there is leftover vegetarian pizza. I've been craving pizza. So I ate it. And life was good-and then I came home and my neigbhor had mowed the front yard for me. I almost cried-I really do love my neighborhood.

Wall eyed fit

Ok, I’m indulging in self pity and comparing my life to other people’s. It was kind of neat to rehab John’s wreck of a condo and then stage it all and sell it and have this nice outcome. I know it’s something he wanted to do because he had some of the “fix’er up stuff” stowed around the place. But that’s what I wanted to do with the house on Lucerne and it never happened for me. I drove by, on the off chance it was for sale, and it was pretty much as I left it, but my privet bush and my Wisteria tree looked great. I burst into tears.

Now, I have a good life, I know this. And I also know we don’t get all our dreams, believe me, I know that. But today, it really bothered me that I could do for someone else what I couldn’t do for myself. Now John definitely is better off in the money department, but the real issue with the house on Lucerne was I was overwhelmed and didn’t know where to begin. I think John pretty much had the same issue with his condo, and I did at first too. But I was able to overcome that, but not for myself.

And for some reason, looking for a place to live depresses the crap out of me because I can’t find exactly what I want for what I want to pay and then I feel all picked on.

Even the Scotty poses a problem-I could almost make it in a flat condo-but now I have the Scotty to park as well. Returning to my roots apparently comes with a price.

And what is this sudden urge to own a home of my own (other than the fact I get tired of having to hide the true dog population).

I’m feeling abandoned again-that is part of it. John is “leaving” and Sue is leaving for Florida and in the end they are all going to go and I am going to be left alone-the old nightmare from my youth.

How much of this is spring fever/angst, cabin fever from being hampered for several months and how much of it is good old midlife crisis? What would Jane Goodall do? What would Scotty do? What will Deb do?

Hitting the Wall

Bam, it happens-my body just says enough. So I slept in and now it's off to the office. Don't know what else to do.

In High Demand

Ok, HGTV aired the 2007 RV show and the little Scotty was on it. It still looked "new" though-why don't they ever make something just the same way it was before? As expected, demand for the old ones has shot up and I could double what I paid for mine just as it sits-no improvements. But, you can't sell off your mid-life crisis-those other 40 somethings are just going to have to do their own digging.

You only make a profit if you sell, and after losing my butt on a thousand "ideas" I finally turn a profit on the one thing I won't sell. The irony is, well, ironic. I'm ok with the fact that I'll never be a big business mogul, I don't have the wardrobe for it anyway.

One annoying thing-my walker leaves "tracks" in the carpet-it's easy to see where I've been and how straight a path (not very) I'm walking. Oh the horrors of public handicappedness. And yet, it's temporary, so I dare not complain too loudly. I did fetch my own coffee today (nerve wracking) and figured out how to stow the walker in the back seat so I can tote Uncle John to the doctor on Thursday. This will be our first solo adventure since my surgery. I'm a little nervous, he needs help, I need help, we'll just figure it all out.

Corporate Life

Is pretty much as I left it. I'm in a different cube and my phone doesn't work, but beyond that, all is status quo. I thought taking a break would allow me to look at things with new vision, but it all looks like the same ol pile oh pooh to me.

Greenland Paddle-I want one

Omigosh-the kayak has spawned a whole plethora of new "things" that must be had. This whole rebuilding a life around things I can reasonably do is tough and expensive. I've decided the snakes are the perfect old lady pet-you really don't have to have good walking skills to handle a snake.

But the Scotty table beckons-when my parents come next weekend I'm going to ask them to help me take it out of the scotty and put on my back porch so I can begin the renovation. I'm going with the decopage idea someone posted on the forum-it will be fun and something that I can do sitting at the dining table on the back porch.

I've also got the tools to dig out my hay bails, but I am going to go through a week back at the office before I risk my shoulders on a weekend project. With age, sometimes comes wisdom.

Hittin the Wall

My body, about 7 pm last night, had enough and I have declared today putz around with no need to accomplish anything day. I did manage to drive my car (Yay) and get Uncle John his groceries, but that little spate of activity wore me out. John's new meds have made him more confused, and me, being me, can't give up. We have an appointment with the neurologist next week.

The kayak is resting comfortably on my spare bed-LOL. I wanted it in the house so I could at least look at it.

And YES, I can walk much better with the walking boot, and YES, YES, the surgeon didn't have to fuse my ankle-but I had completely forgotten how long the recovery process really is, and how tough it can be. And sometimes you just get tired of being brave and noble and perky. Even God took a day off now and then.

I've been thinking about plans I've seen for bunkbeds in Scotties, and thinking that that might be a good way of getting some more shelf space for gear like a lawn chair, a fan. Basically, a shelf would be a bunkbed without the mattress, and I even like the idea of a cargo net for doors.

Color Coordination

Ok, the new Kayak (used) matches the green Scotty. Should it (the Scotty)remain green?

What all the fuss is about

A walking boot and the keys to the car-woo hoo. Still gotta use a walker-but I'm free, free, free.

The postman cometh

It's raining a bit (glad for the tarp) and I am following the postman's progress by the sounds of the barking neighborhood dogs. As in all neighborhoods, the daily arrival of this stranger is a pivotal event. Our current postman wears either headphones and listens to his tunes, or a headset and talks on the phone. It is a little disconcerting to wake up from a nap to someone having a conversation on your porch-and what on EARTH does he talk about all day?

Good Times

Remember in the show Good Times when James dies and Florida holds it together through two episodes then finally throws the punch bowl down in the floor and cries "damn, damn, damn." I'd really like to do that, but I don't feel like I'm there yet.

Not to be offensive, but it's just like an orgasm that doesn't quite happen.

Ooooh, is that what depression is-the overwhelming, low grade feeling of dread? Am I depressed in spite of all my perky projects?

Uncle John is a little more vague and a little more paranoid and I don't know if I can bring him "back". Parkinsons. Damn Damn Damn. Watching this isn't like a stab through the heart, it's a long, slow tear of the heart. But love means not looking away.

I do hope Kahlil Gibran is right-pain hollows us out so that we may hold more joy. The hollowing out part, I must say, isn't all that pleasant.

I'm not an Urban Chicken person, or a Freecycler any longer, or even a Compacter. I will do what I can to save the world but I just don't have the energy for gather up in clusters. The Freecycle thing and some of it's offshoots felt like begging....If I see one more ad that says "I am in need of....." I will go ballistic, so I unsubbed from those groups. I'm not an agility person any more, no more clean run, can't do the horse thing, mountainbiking gone. Who am I?

Who am I today? A woman who can't get out of the house to go take a walk (2 more days and off comes the cast) trying to keep her spirits up, waiting for the bills to flood in and the office politics to turn up a new wrinkle.

Isn't it funny how the blues can just swing down on us with no warning? I wonder if that happens to men, but not enough to bother to ask them. I got worries of my own.

The Retic (unknown to be dwarf or not) is shedding and she is one cranky girl. That's what I love about snakes-they get all new skin every so often-and like us, it isn't easy or pleasant (at least for some of them).

Cody, one of my dogs, knocked over the trash and spilled some coffee grounds and I skidded into them because my casted foot was down. So now when I go to the Dr. and the tech takes off my cast, about a tablespoon full of coffee grounds are going to fall out. If I end up with the snotty tech and he says anything I am going to say "Coffee is a natural way to exfoliate".

In he meantime I can look at pictures of the inside of my trailer, and my two jacks and my hitch (which are currently keeping the lid on the big python cage).

SPRING

Good times await and the cast comes off in two more days, today, then Wednesday then Thursday OFF with the cast. My corn isn't as high as an elephants eye, but it's a good two inches in their little peat pots, and my tomato seedlings are looking better too. The red broom corn, an ornamental grass, is really growing-that's what I'm best at, growing grass. It figures.

I haven't tackled the upside down tomato thingy I bought, but from the looks of the seedlings, I have awhile before I need to worry.

The new baby snakes are gorgeous and I've broken "the law" and handled the Dwarf again-she messed up her cage pretty badly so it needed fixin, and as long as I was in there I picked her up. It is very hard to hold a 6 foot snake from a wheelchair. She's in shed, so she should be about as cranky as she gets-what a love!

The tarp on the Scotty is still holding firm despite two good wind storms-Daddy hasn't lost his touch as a packer/cover sublime.

Rearranging

My baby girl did NOT like that temporary cardboard box, so I put ina dog crate with he doors removed. This met wih her approval and she is asleep on it after scratching her chin on the 32, yes 32 dollar log I bought for her today. But when he sheds, she's gonna need that log.

It is very hard to pick up a 6 foot snake when you are only 5'5" and can't stand up. Requires patience on the part of the human and the snake.

Oh, my baby ball pythons came today-they are cuties! I named them He and She. Still haven't settled on a name for the big girl.

Lawd Lawd Lawd

Was too tired to write
Lawd Lawd Lawd
Gotta feed all the snakes
Lawd Lawd Lawd
Forum says Dwarf is really a mainland
Lawd Lawd Lawd


LAWD LAWD LAWDY LAWD LAWD
What am I gonna do with 20 foot snake?

Beware the Ides of March

Well, that was yesterday. My world is off its axis a bit right now and there is no time to explain because a vanload of snake supplies is arriving, along with some new cat litter which I desperately need. Some day the story may reveal itself and it will all make sense.

My life is like that-it often takes years for things make sense, but I always enjoy it when it comes together.

We are having a big wind day-guess I better peek at the Scotty and see how Dad's tarp job is holding. Sue is coming over tonight to help me wrangle the new Jampea, and she may be employed to help wrangle the Scotty as well if it needs it. I love my friends.

This cast REALLY needs to come off.

OHOHOH-the baby plants are already poking their heads out...Yayyyyyy.

A/C Goes

General consensus agrees with Daddy, too hazardous to tow. Cammo curtains found a home.

It's done

My big cart is done, but here I am stuck in this stupid cast. And I'm getting a new python tomorrow, a Jampea Dwarf Retic. Yay. Of course, getting the cage in the house is going to be a bit dicey.

I've decided with the Scotty and the new Retic, I would be well advised to buy some powertools and start do it yourselfing.....So much for the compact.

Oh, and I've sowed my seeds for spring and some of the ornamental grasses are already coming up.

I ordered a minature cart for Cody to pull and it came it-I'm putting it together Saturday and wll begin training.

Got in the pictures for Uncle John's condo-it looks great and is now on the market. ALL of this, and still keeping up with the office (though not like certain Nazi's think I should) with one leg in a cast. Of course, I have a cast of friends/family helping me out.

Instead of a pat on the back I wish I could have one free pass to tell one person to kiss my ass without repurcussion.

Observation

Adults have many of the same bad habits as children.

Loks/turkey/caper/onions/olive oil/vinegar on toast is a good thing.

Trailer Porn

Look at my new three ball hitch....nanny nanny boo boo.

A co-worker also called to let me know they rearranged the office again and I have been moved, closer to my boss (well that makes sense) but not in a window cube. Strangely enough, I couldn't care less. Someone was worried I would be upset but it pretty much takes stopping my paycheck to upset me these days.

Ok, I do admit, I look at some idiots who have offices and wonder "why them and not me" in much the same manner as you look at someone with a Mercedes and wonder the same thing. In my case, it's just idle wondering, I don't really want either.

Now, in the corporate world, this can lead to exploitation and having people walk all over you. THAT I definitely do not want, but since I don't tolerate it anyway, it sometimes tries to happen, but rarely comes to fruition.

Between Uncle John and my leg I've had a good six months of flexible working conditions, so I am not going to shout about moving to a different cube. The co-worker was concerned I would be upset because they didn't unpack my stuff for me. I looked around at the UPS boxes in the living room with my trailer jacks and upside down tomato garden (yet to be assembled) and thought about my back bedroom full of my stuff and John's stuff, now combined since so many people have helped me clean the room. I don't think the unpacking thing will upset me either.

Here we go again

There is a dove making dove noises and a mockingbird just singing his little heart out...and I have to do work. Not fair, not fair I say. Scotty is snuggled under her tarp, keeping out the spring rains. My trailer hitch is on the way and I get my cast off next week....all these are good things.

Lawd Lawd Lawd (yeah, it's early for another one)

Arm hurts like hell
Lawd lawd lawd
Coworkers irritate me
Lawd lawd lawd
Uncle John seems to be slippin
Lawd Lawd Lawd

Oh Lawd Lawdy Lawd Lawd
What's a girl gonna due?

The Parade of Horrors Continues

I've been having a bit of pain under my arm, thought it was due to the increased usage (wheelchair, walker). Took a peek at my pit, and there was a huge lump. Clearly I am on the verge of death. There had been a small cyst there but now it has grown into something that is obviously life threatening and quite painful.

However, I had to get ready for a little birthday celebration I was throwing for my friend Sue. She was coming over for a feast of white wedding cake and a mango cocktail my auntie invented last spring. After said libations, I showed her my cancerous armpit (talk about a true friend) and she diagnosed it as a boil and suggested I call a Dr.

But I have no time for Dr.s' and decided that we should try an old home remedy-so we sliced a red potato and Sue bravely taped it to my armpit with the waterproof tape that I use to keep my cast dry. Then we had some more wine, Sue left and I rolled off to bed.

This morning I arose and the potato was still firmly taped to my armpit. The pain had lessened noticeably and I decided that I probably should not leave a rotting bit of vegetable in my armpit for more than 8 hours or so, so I pulled off the potato. Now, that hurt it a bit, but it was due to the tape.

I hopped into the wheelchair and rolled into the bathroom and did a pit inspection in the mirror. The thing was still there, but the potato had flattened it. I gave it a poke and it began to drain. Well I supposed that was a good thing, but now I had an open draining thing under my arm and another potato didn't seem quite the thing any more.

I mixed some salt water with the stuff I use in my netti pot, got the water good and hot, poured it on a wash cloth and shoved it under my armpit. Then I fired up the computer to see if I could find any info and try to figure out if I was making things better or worse.

Apparently I am on the right track. The slight pressure, plus sitting upright should encourage drainage. Tonight I am going to dab a bit of honey on it for antiseptic purposes.

What happens to Palmetto bugs who come in my house

Well Done!

Problem solved. For details on dog training when crippled, visit www.poidogz.blogspot.com

In fact, I made up my last batch of poi today and had a poi/soup with anchovies, oysters and mixed veggies. Wonderful.

Got lots of work done on my day job too. Just goes to show that bad situations can be overcome by meeting them head on. I wish I could remember that always.

Lawd Lawd Lawd

There's a hole in the fence
Lawd Lawd Lawd
Cody gets out
Lawd Lawd Lawd
I put him on a tie out
Lawd Lawd Lawd
It hurt his feelings

Lawd Lawd Oh Lawdy Lawdy Lawdy
Now the damn dog won't go outside at all.

Working on Getting it Right

I've come to the relative safety of my blog to work out a work problem. One of my co-workers has been sent into my realm to make me a better dog trainer-I'm sure of it. I am not calling her a bitch by saying that, only meaning that she tries my patience more than any dog (except perhaps Dottie when she was young) ever has.

But I have to look at what I bring to the table as well-I need to cast of each bad encounter and live in the moment as I do with my dogs and other animals. I don't pick up Elvis thinking "oh, he bit me yesterday", I pick him up thinking "I'm picking up Elvis". I wonder why I can't do that with people?

The thing is, if I can conquer the in the moment thing with people, I am sure it will become second nature with my dogs, and other critters. So, I've got to work on walking into meetings with that same, I'm in the moment, I'm happy to be here, let's see what I'm going to learn today, energy. What a wonderful way of being that would be.

My ball hitch and my other goodies have shipped-I can't wait to get them! Of course, I can't pull the trailer till...what was the rule, I think it was can walk unassisted. At least a month off. What a stupid rule. But I think I will make the rule "can wear a regular shoe on my foot" because learning to drive a trailer in an orthopedic boot does not seem prudent.

I did accomplish the amazing feat of helping Miss Olivia load the wooden pallets we were trash picking on the roof of the truck. She didn't want me to help, but I proved I could stand on one foot, balance and lift. I really wanted a picture of that golden moment but I can' even TELL anyone because I will end up with Mom and Dad camped out in my living room watching my every move. So there you have it, my olympic moment that must remain a secret between Miss Olivia and I.

I need to work on my own dogs rushing the fence and barking-I have to stop that behavior before I can bring my draft dog(s) home for training....an 80-100 pound dog rushing the fence isn't as cute as a 7 pound dog rushing the fence. For that I have to wait until I can get into the back yard unassisted.

I really hate waiting.

Spending spree

I ordered a 3 ball hitch (fancy, huh) and some jacks and pin for my hitch and a darling little minature wagon for the little dogs to pull while I await the construction of my sulky to sulk Uncle John around the lake.

Nonetheless, I am in a funk-going to go to bed and hope tomorrow is a better day.

I knew it

EVERYONE wants a Scotty because they are reopening the plant and of course that makes the old leaky ones quite desireable. What was it Mr. Spock said about desire..."Humans appear to enjoy the wanting more than the having...most illogical."

And what's this about Sulu coming out of the closet after all these years? Who gives a bloody rats arse, but I do feel bad if he felt bad like he couldn't share. But share what? In my day (waves her cane and wobbles her crepey arms) people just did what they did and didn't talk about it. Now we have entire groups and cliques devoted to sexual preference. But poor Mr. Spcok had to walk around different with pointed ears, and Sulu might have made him feel better if he had said "Spock, I'm different too."

The need to belong is powerful. A program about the KKK on Biography last night said that a sense of belonging was one thing the Klan gave people. Well, shit, when you look at the people who join, you can see where they might have trouble fitting in. Got no skills, got no edu-cation, poor grooming...but BY GOD I'm WHITE, yeah baby. So if you don't look like me (and thank the good Lord most don't) you need to go away. You may be an educated, well spoken, well dressed, but if you are black or a jew or gay, you aint NUTHIN. Now this show was a couple of years old so I'm pretty sure they've found new people to hate.

Much of my own angst throughout life is due to not really knowing where I fit in. I have a lot of friends and I'm little like all of them, but not just like anyone else. We do share a common bond though-they don't know where they fit in either.

And lately, in my old age, I don't even care to try to fit in. I just want to be me, and as long as no one gets hurt, then that's what I'll be. The trouble is, I STILL don't know who that is!!!!!! But I don't want to force feed some definition upon myself and end up someone awful just so I belong...

Holy crap batman it's only Monday

I hope the rest of the week slows. I had to tell that guy that wanted to come look at the trailer RIGHT NOW that I just wasn't in a space where I could let it go-but that I would call him first if I decided to sell it.

In typical fashion, I tackled too many projects all at once and in declutter mode I sent out some feelers to sell the trailer. But it doesn't seem RIGHT. So it's all bundled up back on the driveway till I can get my head on straight (heh, sometime in the coming century).

Safe and Sound

Daddy took the duct tape and rope and recoverd the Scotty against the rain until I can work things out. Hopefully we'll have no more terrible wind storms.

We must have been quite a sight yesterday as we set out to lunch, Daddy (81), Mom (73), John (71 with Parkinsons) and me 46 and in walker with a stars and stripes cast and a tie died shirt and just generally unkempt......but we had a good time at the restaurant and enjoyed laughing with each other. The funny thing was, there was also another lady with halo on her leg and a walker, and yet another lady with crutches, and finally a lady with one of those fancy rollater walker thingies. We all smiled and wave at each other, and for my part, I was glad to see other people with infirmities.

We discussed the dog carting project and my life time of stubborness has paid off, no one really argued about the wisdom of buying a dog cart. Mom is hoping that the cart will capture my imagination and I will abandon the Scotty. In fact, I did offer the Scotty to anyone who would come in a build me some really nice kennels, but everyone just wants to buy it and then I'd have no Scotty and no kennels.

Parental Unit Visit

Actually, I adore my parents. They are bringing up my old treadmill so I can rehab a dog's leg (and work out my future carting dogs but they don't know about that part just yet) and 3 bales of straw-I am going to make straw bale planters. I really need to get this stupid cast off so I can get on with my projects.

We are also going to delve into the Scotty before covering it back up-Mom's going to decide if she can do the recovering of the cushions-or even if we really need to do that-they really are pretty much ok.

But, the cammo curtains have to go.

Lesson from Mother Nature

I'm rolling by the snake pens when I can't help but notice that Elvis is smashing his head repeatedly against the water dish. Now I've been doing a lot of that lately so I pretty much know how he feels. You DO realize I am speaking metaphorically?

So I pull up to observe and he proceeds to smashing head on into his rocks-then I heard a squishy noise and I realized he was cracky his old skin in order to begin his shed. Maybe that's how I do it too....

Lawd lawd lawd

Someone pooped on the floor and I can't find the enzyme bottle

Lawd lawd lawd

The cat went out and hasn't come back

Lawd lawd lawd

I'm too old and lazy to contend with labs

Lawd lawd lawd

Berners die in 8-10 years

Lawd lawd lawd

I'm too cheap to pay for a lawnservice

Lawd lawd lawd

A riding mower won't fit in the back yard

Lawd lawd lawd

I say lawd lawd lawd

Lawd Lawd Lawd

It aint easy, oh lawd, to be me........

Time I I I Me is on my side

Today is a day to work on work stuff and not try to reinvent the wheel. The problem is, there is so much I want to DO and so many ideas I have and so little time and so little money....There is the whole thing about being realistic. Damn, I hate being grown up.

My goodness

I am really spinning my wheels. Should I refurb the trailer or trade it for a riding lawnmower? Should I buy labradors to drive my sulky or greyhounds? Should I live the simple life in the country in a mobile home or live in an urban condo? Sometimes there are just too many choices.

hmmmm

There just doesn't seem to be an overabundance of people willing to work on vintage trailers and I don't want to haul the Scotty to another town. I may actually have to do some phone calls....horrors.