Prozac Shuffle

Time shuffle anti-depressants.    I can continue to procrastinate but it's going to result in wasted time and not much else.  Piss on it!

Head In the Sand

Once upon a time I went to Mexico with a couple who were about to be divorced. Only one of the couple knew it, and me. A strange time was had by all.

I feel the same way about the upcoming trip. I'm taking my parents down to Austin (which doesn't thrill them at all) and to Houston to see the Grandkids and back to Waco to see an old neigbhor (which does thrill them). Even if I don't talk with my mother about "the issue" until afterward, I already know it's going to happen.

Once upon a time I ran away from these self same people (my parents, not the couple in Mexico). I moved with my BF into a Serro Scotty (go back and read the beginnng of the blog). I was trying so hard to get away from THEM. And now I am trying so hard to figure out how to keep them around a little bit longer.

All the distance and indulgences and jobs and things of import I have carefully put between us are pretty much gone.

A little over a year ago I lived in Dallas, I had a nice paying job, I traveled a lot and I talked to my parents once a week or so. Often I called them from where ever I was. Now I live two houses down, I don't have a "real job" and we can no longer avoid what is happening.

To add a layer of weirdness, I knew it was happening, or I thought so. This was why I moved back to Oklahoma. There has to be bonus points in there somewhere for walking into it when you knew it was going to be bad.

And about that list

1. clean kitchen hmmm, it's cleaner, not clean
2 clean Bette's cage substituted Tarzan,Carrie and Hank-Bette was not in the mood and when a 7 foot python isn't in the mood it's best to listen.

3. Mow backyard well, I called the lawn service-we are all limping this week and that will take care of that


4 pay bills/mail MOVE today

5 put away groceries done

I also got a lot of reptile stuff cleaned out, made arrangements to have an estimate for repairs on my sunroom, got a notice I've been accepted in a tutoring program (as a tutor) and made some really kick ass organic foot soak-I need to take some to Mom now.

Today it was tough to get out of bed, and I'm still out of sorts. Drank too much coffee yesterday. But Hell, I've just changed my life 100% in the past year-two moves, a new family member,moved back home, two major surgeries...I really think it's OK that I'm a little nuts right now, as long as I don't stay that way.

Good Times

Remember in the show Good Times when James dies and Florida holds it together through two episodes then finally throws the punch bowl down in the floor and cries "damn, damn, damn." I'd really like to do that, but I don't feel like I'm there yet.

Not to be offensive, but it's just like an orgasm that doesn't quite happen.

Ooooh, is that what depression is-the overwhelming, low grade feeling of dread? Am I depressed in spite of all my perky projects?

Uncle John is a little more vague and a little more paranoid and I don't know if I can bring him "back". Parkinsons. Damn Damn Damn. Watching this isn't like a stab through the heart, it's a long, slow tear of the heart. But love means not looking away.

I do hope Kahlil Gibran is right-pain hollows us out so that we may hold more joy. The hollowing out part, I must say, isn't all that pleasant.

I'm not an Urban Chicken person, or a Freecycler any longer, or even a Compacter. I will do what I can to save the world but I just don't have the energy for gather up in clusters. The Freecycle thing and some of it's offshoots felt like begging....If I see one more ad that says "I am in need of....." I will go ballistic, so I unsubbed from those groups. I'm not an agility person any more, no more clean run, can't do the horse thing, mountainbiking gone. Who am I?

Who am I today? A woman who can't get out of the house to go take a walk (2 more days and off comes the cast) trying to keep her spirits up, waiting for the bills to flood in and the office politics to turn up a new wrinkle.

Isn't it funny how the blues can just swing down on us with no warning? I wonder if that happens to men, but not enough to bother to ask them. I got worries of my own.

The Retic (unknown to be dwarf or not) is shedding and she is one cranky girl. That's what I love about snakes-they get all new skin every so often-and like us, it isn't easy or pleasant (at least for some of them).

Cody, one of my dogs, knocked over the trash and spilled some coffee grounds and I skidded into them because my casted foot was down. So now when I go to the Dr. and the tech takes off my cast, about a tablespoon full of coffee grounds are going to fall out. If I end up with the snotty tech and he says anything I am going to say "Coffee is a natural way to exfoliate".

In he meantime I can look at pictures of the inside of my trailer, and my two jacks and my hitch (which are currently keeping the lid on the big python cage).