So I was talking to Daddy on the phone, following up to see if Mom was Ok-she'd be gone quite a long time for a Dr. Appt. and I told him she could call me at home and he asked "DO YOU EVER WORK?"
Well, that kind of hit me wrong-yes I work (for 3 more days) and I'm not sure what I'm going to do after that but I know I can't keep juggling a "real" job and worrying about checking on 3 old people-NOR can I let them go unworried and unchecked.
Sue warned me-she did. She left corp america to take care of her two kids and it's a little bit like dropping off the face of the earth. No paycheck equals no value added-not not really-Sue's husband Jay is certainly not like that.
The real chiller is "will I EVER work again". That's the one that frosts the bones-would anyone ever willingly hire me again? Am I a washed up old has been or never was or what? It's true, midlife crisis isn't all sports cars and boats.
And I KNOW part of my uncertainty stems from my leg and my limp, but there it is, for all the world to see.
And, while we are being real, Daddy wasn't just being insensitive, he's 81 and had a couple of strokes. That's how he IS now. As I allow myself to notice these things, I am able to detect with both my parents and my Uncle that angry, frustrated "why is this happening to me" thing that they don't say but I know they are feeling.
Now, this blog is about MY midlife crisis, but part of the MLC is aging parents, and I would not be fair or honest if I didn't look at them with open eyes as well. Someone should-they deserve that much.
Hmm, and that reminds me of who I really am-I'm the one who doesn't look away.