CRISIS PART OF MIDLIFE CRISIS

OMIGOD-the house is a complete mess, my files are a complete mess, it's all messed UP. I'm tired, my leg hurts, I'm scared about finding a job, my stamina is completely gone and I will need therapy to build back up again. I'm offloading stuff that I paid good money for (couch doesn't fit in new house, etc) and this means I am a total failure because I made a bad choice somewhere.....

Ok, enough wailing. Just had to get that out. How could anyone be expected to know what the perfect couch will be for the rest of your life?

Even the Scotty served its purpose, which was to get me to thinking, both from the past and out of the box...and not be defined by my stuff. I took the Scotty money and bought an easy erect tent and a fat girl cot, a comfie chair, a portable stove and stand and a 12 volt car batter coffee pot and that will do for the camping trip coming up. The old fellow I loaned my kayak to suggested I'd be better off pulling the kayak rather than trying to lift it up on the roof of the truck, so my camping outfit may turn out to be utility trailer and a tent-depening on how easy the tent really is to set up AND take down and how the cot works out. I KNOW I don't like sleeping on the ground-and I usually end up dragging the stuff outside and sleeping outside the tent.

The important parts of camping are the kayak, the comfie bed and the bike. I have those. And a cooler of beer.

Since I am venting-I'm a little bit concerned about my lack of physical conditioning-but I don't think the Sister on the Fly are about who can paddle the fastest. As I understand the trip-we put in at one point and float down to the take out point-and drink beer in between. As for the horse trip in October-the guy said if I wanted I could sit in the chair and pet the horse all weekend if that made me happy.

Now here I am focusing on camping when I should be focusing on moving-but I have to do that sometimes-put a little "carrot" out there to look forward to, and reassure myself that that carrot will happen. It's a lifelong habit-throwing out my own lifeline so to speak-but its worked for everything else, so maybe it will work for midlife crisis.