I took Priss down to see Mom and Dad today-I'm pretty low energy but I thought it would be a nice gesture. In talking I mentioned a behavior the dogs were doing and I got the standard dismissal "You spend too much time with the dogs and you give them characteristics they don't have".
In the past, I would have lept up in indignation, defending the years of reading, studying and working with animals. Tonight I just laughed and said "no I don't". And Mom laughed back and said "well, Ok then."
That conversation would have been impossible a year ago. That little gain gave me enough energy to put Priss back in with the pack and work through her post-visit bossy vibe without any anger.
My anger is never at Priss, just as a situation that pushes us back. Priss was Mom and Dad's dog for awhile, I can get her reasonably in line, but if we visit, she falls back. But Mom and Dad need the visits more than I need Priss to be a perfect dog. And, on a happier note, the dominance rituals reinforce my dominance with the other pack members.
Where was I? Oh yeah, maybe a quiet answer really does turneth away wrath...but until recently that a quiet answer did not mean you had to agree. Wow. Heavy.
7 comments:
A quiet answer is usually not validated in my house, but I'm starting to see the strength in the quiet firm constant stance. In a way, similar to training dogs. No anger. No hysteria. Just firm, quiet constancy.
Working with animals can teach one a lot about how to work with people.
The thing is, it takes work. You can just toss a dog in the backyard to teach a kid about life. I love seeing kids in dogsports-it's all about team and cooperation and doing your best at that moment.
I've always believed that animals are teachers and healers.
And sometimes, heelers :)
a quiet voice is the best in the classroom, wish it worked with cruella the bully boss!
btw as far as i am concerned and from my viewpoint, you have come along in leaps and bounds with your mama, that would never have happened a year ago....you let far more go 'whoosh' over the top of your head.....
The key to Mom (much like a dog) is to redirect before emotions kick in, or, at least to respond without emotion, and to realize, if she can, she will turn the conversation into something that I have somehow done wrong. Learning not to let it "go there" is challenging but worthwhile.
Of course, if it does go there, I just stand up, say "well, I have to go now" and walk out quietly.
It's been hard, for instance my Mom was a great seamstress and I wanted to share my new sewing adventures with her. NOT a good idea if what I'm looking for is approval or even support, because, for whatever reason, she can't give it.
Knowing it isn't there to give was hard to admit, but in the long run, much easier than constantly looking for it and not recieving it.
oh i know how it feels... when you give just a quiet answer and keep lots of energy to do what you love...
;)
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