Thursday, December 11, 2008

Road Trip

I made up an excuse to head to Dallas-I really just wanted to be out on the road.  Prissy road shotgun-she and I have never gone solo before.  She was a little wild at first, but when it was clear that she'd get no attention for acting like a goose, she settled down.  She came over, laid down next to me, and just like Dottie used to do-she pressed her little nose hard into my leg.  I almost stopped breathing for a minute, without warning the missing of Dottie hit me like a physical force.

It happened when I was in with John too-in the midst of grieving for him, I remembered Dottie's first visit to the nursing home in California, and had a spasm of grief on grief.

I am pretty sure some of my favorite angels are near these days, and that's why I'm reacting so, and I'm glad they are here, even if it hurts for a moment too.

I thought how alike Priss and I are-the eternal children.  Prissy is no more a baby dog than I am-but she's always been "little Dottie", and I have perhaps stood back from her since Dottie died and that isn't fair.  She was really proud and happy to be the dog riding shotgun, just as I was proud and happy to be the person who took care of John.

As always, I enjoyed driving over the Arbuckle mountains.  Once a range the size of the Rockies, the Arbuckles are now more like hills-but their raw bones break the surface of the earth.  I always marvel that the rock face I am looking at was once buried deep within a huge mountain-truly the skeletal system is all that remains.  When I pass by, I mentally lay my cheek against the cool stone and feel as if I'm touching the soul of the ancient mountain.

It was nice to rest my heart on mother earth and feel the road pass under my wheels.  It's easier for me to touch the timeless and nameless when I am flying over the ground and I am grateful for the chance.


Mim said...

Oh, I can so relate to this. Fleeing, but not really running away. Being with a loved dog, both angel and warm fur.
There are some days when I miss my dog Samson so much I just could cry all over again. and my friends...always miss my friends.
I'm glad you are finding some solace in the mountains, and hopefully with familiar places and friends. Wish I was in the car with you...

kj said...

blogger ate my comment. i won't repeat all of it, but i want you to know that this is an amazing piece of writing, debra kay--honest and real and damn good.


studio lolo said...

I was in the car with you and Prissy and thoroughly enjoyed this ride with you. My eyes are wet, but in a good way because I love how you're processing your recent events. Your heart is as big as those mountains used to be. And I believe your angels are right there with you too. They always have been.

There's an award for you at my place. I'm giving this one to writers who's words have moved me. This choice was a no-brainer!