Do you ever get so much going on in your head that you think it might explode? I'm sure you do, we all do. Is that somehow supposed to comfort me now? It doesn't.
I've been stuck in idle now for weeks, WEEKS. The turning of the year has done nothing for my mood or my energy level. And yet, I just keep piling on more todos and projects and schemes and dreams. AAAAAAGH. Stop. Enough.
I believe this is the most uncomfortable I've ever been in my own skin. And yet, it seems to me to be exactly the place I SHOULD be now. Why am I choosing this? Is this a way to personal growth or just a new and diabolical method of self torture?
I'm leaving for Florida tomorrow and part of me wanted to be there last month and part of me doesn't want to leave my living room. What if John takes another turn for the worse-what if Mom goes up to visit him and gets locked in (she's not good with electric locks)...what if Dottie gets worse, what if what if what if...and of course, I haven't painted the red boots yet, and there is so much undone....
Yet, I could sit here on the love seat typing for another millennium and still not come up with any good answers to those or a thousand other questions. Because, those are questions that I don't have answers to or control over. How funny-the things that clutter our minds the most are things that we really can't predict/control anyway.
Yep, time to step away from the madness for a bit, go out, and get a new look at it from the outside. Of course the real madness is with me, but it's kind of hard to leave me behind, and really, I wouldn't want to do that anyway.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Beam Me Up Scotty: The open road...
Beam Me Up Scotty: The open road...
We are going to try this one more time. Me, My Mom, My Aunt Lee, My Cousin Susan, in a truck, my truck, to Aunt Rita's to see the parrots (and Aunt Rita, who is really my mom's cousin).
And strangely enough, I'm pretty excited about it-I mean, it could be really awful, but it could be a load of fun too. I'll let you know.
We are going to try this one more time. Me, My Mom, My Aunt Lee, My Cousin Susan, in a truck, my truck, to Aunt Rita's to see the parrots (and Aunt Rita, who is really my mom's cousin).
And strangely enough, I'm pretty excited about it-I mean, it could be really awful, but it could be a load of fun too. I'll let you know.
Affirmation
Beliefnet sent me these 8 Affirmations to Move Past Pain. What struck me was how all 8 pretty much applied to me in some way-are there Universal Pains we all have? And, as a species, why haven't we figured out all the answers and passed them on?
Part of what makes us human is that we focus on the collective as well as the individual-but with all this collective focus you'd think we'd have more answers. The best we can do is divided up into big groups and fight about the answers. Which of course, reminds me about how much I really hate group projects in the first place.
Behold, if you will, Prissy. Prissy does not have an altruistic bone in her body as far as I can tell. She is the living embodiment of the phrase "what's in it for me?" Yet, for all that, she sleeps perfectly well at night and does not fear that she will go to some doggy hell for grabbing all the choice bits away from the older dogs. And she does not need e-mails with suggested affirmations to move past pain. Maybe she's on to something.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Inspiration
Jim Mottis an artist on a journey. He's traveling across the country, trading his art for the things he needs to survive. The twist is he paints for the person he is trading with-their lives, their front porches, the view from their windows.
What a wonderful way to both share and grow. To go into a stranger's home and show them that the view from their window is, indeed, art-that is a priceless gift. Sitting here, still stuck in my "who am I, what am I, what should I be doing" rut, the idea of what this man is doing inspires me.
More than that, it comforts me. Someone ELSE went out, did something slightly off key, and the world is still spinning. Oh jeeze, am I really such a sheep?
My Virtual Bike Club is taking off-people are latching onto it to give themselves hope for a healthier new year. And I pedal away myself as I think about riding with my virtual sisters who are also pedaling away.
My local bike club is still in the planning stages, but I'm trying to piggy back on to a city initiative to get some free support/publicity.
My heart does lie on the open road, but for now obligations keep me in frozen Oklahoma. The lesson I need to learn here is to see the art outside my own window.
What a wonderful way to both share and grow. To go into a stranger's home and show them that the view from their window is, indeed, art-that is a priceless gift. Sitting here, still stuck in my "who am I, what am I, what should I be doing" rut, the idea of what this man is doing inspires me.
More than that, it comforts me. Someone ELSE went out, did something slightly off key, and the world is still spinning. Oh jeeze, am I really such a sheep?
My Virtual Bike Club is taking off-people are latching onto it to give themselves hope for a healthier new year. And I pedal away myself as I think about riding with my virtual sisters who are also pedaling away.
My local bike club is still in the planning stages, but I'm trying to piggy back on to a city initiative to get some free support/publicity.
My heart does lie on the open road, but for now obligations keep me in frozen Oklahoma. The lesson I need to learn here is to see the art outside my own window.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
The Chicken Coop
Sandra and Sol (my neighbors) allowed their daughters to bring back chickens from California. I was delighted, and raced to the backyard with the eldest to fetch a chicken coop (small one) I had. This is not to be confused with my soon to be built urban chicken coop-this was the little chicken coop for the chick I bought to feed Alfred who didn't get eaten. Well, he didn't get eaten right away, and not by Alfred.
IF I am not the only person on the street with chickens, maybe my parents will be better able to cope.
Thus I have remembered a lesson from my youth-the best way to get by with something is to get other people to do it first.
IF I am not the only person on the street with chickens, maybe my parents will be better able to cope.
Thus I have remembered a lesson from my youth-the best way to get by with something is to get other people to do it first.
Larry
Larry is my cousin Cindy's labyrinth-she planted him to celebrate her 60th birthday at the end of October. Look at him now! He's been eating miracle grow but the jackrabbits have been leaving their offerings for him as well, so he's really taken off.
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