Thursday, May 19, 2011

A Day Off

I've been going balls to the wall since before I left for Missouri and my body just aches all over.  It's all been fun-well most of it, but I am sitting today out-at least trying to stay on the computer and avoid heavy lifting, running, etc.  We'll see how that goes.

I think that's part of life-learning to balance between working hard AND resting...both are valid activities-but no one slaps you on the back for resting.  Maybe they SHOULD.  We should all approve when someone says "I'm resting today".

I bought myself a python for mother's day.  He's currently in the "ignore him and let him get used to new surroundings" phase of things.  It's hard to do, and boring-but it means he'll eat well and set up for a good life (barring virus's, power outages etc).  I said never again after the last virus outbreak-but life is just like that.  Things don't always work out.

Life with animals is really like that.  I'm never going to get happy with the death of an animal but I think I've reached the point where it doesn't cripple me like it used to.  I grieve freely and move on-no sense in letting grief get in the way of an otherwise good day.

I know part of my activity  burst is my way of dealing with the daughter/granddaughter thing (no news, I've been duped again, oh well).  I'm ok with that as long as it doesn't get over the top and is basically good productive activity.  I think the difference between manic behavior and good old fashioned avoidance is a matter of degree. 

I'll be the first to admit I've used upset in the past as an oh what the hell excuse to do something hair brained I've actually been contemplating for a long time.   I'm still up for hair brained occasionally-I think we all need to scratch that wild hair sometimes.  But not today.  Today I just want to put my feet up and sip coffee.

I really want to journey to P-town again.  I missed going to Sedona for two weeks because my father was ill-but for some reason I have no desire to try to do that again right now.  The moment has passed and I need ocean not cactus.  It's not likely to happen this year though-I want summer ocean and I'm not able to journey much more than I've already planned.

Mom and Dad went to California alone and it was good for us both.  They are in the awkward stage of really needing someone around, but not all the time.  As the "someone" it's kind of a thankless task-since no one even acknowledges it. 

For awhile I let that be my role in life-perpetual helper-and I will always be that for my parents.  I have decided everyone else needs to at least acknowledge my efforts or I will quietly go find someone who will.  For my part, I always say thank you, and usually more than once when someone helps me out.

This is a pretty low energy post-remember-I'm resting today.  


kj said...



soulbrush said...

Life can be such hell,I have no more to say on the matter. Just rest.
worde veri: curap (that says it all for me)