2916 Finley

Errands took me to a part of Midwest City that I lived in a LONG time ago. I felt the now familiar feeling of knowing I used to LIVE in this area but I couldn't recognize anything. So I set out to find my old apartment (where I lived after the Scotty). I got so caught up in the search that it wasn't until I pulled up in front that I realized, this was my first apartment. I came home from the hospital with my daughter to that place. I walked around the block when I was in labor with her.

The past washed over me like a tidal wave. I got one of those emotions you feel right in your gut. It wasn't gas, I promise, it was the swelling in your throat and the tightness in what I suppose is the pit of your stomach. I pulled over and just sat around a bit and let it happen.

On the highway headed home, the emotion threatened to overwhelm me when the radio played one of my daughter's favorite songs. I missed her and grieved for her. I didn't try to look away-I never look away from other people's pain, so why should I hide from my own?

I turned off and found a few more firsts on the way home-one of the first bars I ever snuck into loomed into sight. That brought on a warm feeling-right in the pit of my stomach and a smile. I know emotions and food and overeating are all centered in the pit of the stomach-I just wish I knew why.

I was tired and really wanted to go home-only I took wrong turn because I've only been back a month or so and things aren't easily on autopilot yet. So I wallowed in the angst of that.

Then, I heard in the back of my mind, Ceasar Milan's voice saying "the dog lets it go, it isn't happening now. Only the human hangs on". And then I saw myself bringing my infant daughter home again, and just got a warm feeling in the old stomach pit-because that was a happy memory.

I've learned a new survival trick, or at least I think I have. Look at each memory as a moment-live that moment, but don't replay the remainder of the story that happened after. If you do that, you'll never get to the present.

When the sad parts tried to come back, I said (in Ceasar Milan's voice)"it's not happening now...let it go;" and you know what? It did. It went. Cool.

Dr. Oz on Oprah (Winfrey Show)

Saw a rerun of Dr. Oz on Oprah-I really like that man. I really like Oprah too. He even devotes a chapter in his book "You on a Diet" to weight loss surgical options and deals with it directly and fairly.

Of course, he points out WLS (weight loss surgery) is just a tool and you have to learn to eat properly. I highly recommend the book.

I've got plans and appointments for the rest of the week-I really can't justify another complete rest day (until Saturday) and I can't just sit here and wait for the fat to fall off. In fact, I read something to the effect that movement increases the rate of falling fat.

I ordered a tricycle for Mom-I hope she rides it so we can ride together. If se doesn't, I will put the dogs in it and ride it myself.

Daddy told Bill who told....

My Tijuana secret is out. Actual my brother said "I hear you are going S.O.B" and I had to think long and hard about what that meant. (South of the Border) So much for not worrying people.

I'm leaving detailed intructions for business matters relating to myself as well as Uncle John-but I leave those anytime I go anywhwere. Bill is second in line if I drop dead for Uncle John (and first in line for me) as executor/administrator, so he really would prefer that I not drop dead. Besides, he's my brother and I think he likes me.

But, the likelihood of my dropping dead increases with every day that I stay fat. I can finally feel the effects of it beginning to creep up on me-a little easier to tire, a little slower to heal. Ok, the age thing is there too but let's just keep it civil, shall we?