Father's Day

We had our dinner on Friday (Jake's ribs) and Mom bought a waffle maker for us to have breakfast today. Daddy really enjoyed the waffle maker in Louisiana, and I was touched (and so was he I think) that Mom went right out and bought one.

But, it didn't go well-new things don't work well for Mom and I got a better understanding of why she's so adamanet about the "way she's always done it" because it really is the only way she can. But what would have been a completely miserable time last year, was an OK time this year. She let me help and we all muscled through and we had our waffles.

Next up is a visit to see Uncle John, and honestly, after the waffle fiasco this morning, I'm dreading it and hoping he'll be asleep. The Mom/John combo is heart wrenching, just as the Mom/Dad combo can be. I can see now why I only had one child-I just can't cope with two, and that's really odd because I am the multitasking diva.

Unlike children, as people age, they get clingier and more time consuming. Is that an awful thing to say? Well it's true. Now I struggle with wanting to delete the last lines, because what if this is my last father's day? But, I also want to share the truth of what happens when parent's age so that maybe someone who has the same feelings will read it and know they are not alone.

One flash of insight as I was helping Mom was how agitated I felt wanting HER not to be agitatted. I realized this is where some of their agitation comes from as well-when I go off and do things that they can't help with (which is most things I do now). If I had realized that earlier, I probably would have had a nicer summer last summer-but even this old dog can learn a new trick or two.

Duckin In on My Way Out

Yesterday I drove my Mother to Waco (about 5 hours) so that she could have lunch with an ex neighbor of hers. This was my idea. Coming back, we stopped in Gainesville and stayed the night at a hotel with a heated pool, where we did water aerobics and sat in the hot tub.

I've taken many long trips for silly reasons, and picked many hotels for the pool or the view or whatever, but I've never done that with my Mother before. And you know what, I'm glad I did.

Now I've picked up the dogs and I'm off to water aerobics, but I wanted to wave hi hi hi to everyone.

And on and on and on

Wisdom of the day-no one is making me unhappy but me. I had a few issues lately with my parents over trivial stuff really-basic facts are I want to do X and they think I should do Y. Everyone has an opinion, but what makes ME unhappy is that I want to please them BUT I want to do what I want to do. Sound familiar?

But whose fault is that? I think it's mostly mine. If, for instance, I go with a different carport company than Daddy did, what would happen. He'll think I spent too much money. Then I have to ask myself, "so what?" I doubt I will be disowned for wanting a flat carport-hell, I didn't even get kicked out of the family for wanting to put a portable dryer in my bedroom rather than fix the one that just broke. The thing is-I COULD fix the dryer, but it would still be in the garage and I want the dryer in my bedroom so I don't have to walk to put up clothes. Lazy, yes, but I've gotten really USED to having the dryer and my clothes near each other. I LIKE it.

Ironically, my parents are always saying "why do you care what other people think?" not realizing that they voice more opinions than anyone else on the planet and are not the most tactful people.

Point of fact-I announced that I was going to take riding lessons instead of rushing out to buy a horse (if you can call 47 years a rush). But, the horse I would need now isn't the horse I would want after a year and I KNOW I don't need 2 horses and I'm not really good about letting animals go. Logical of me, isn't it? So my father rears back and says "well, I doubt you can even take lessons right now because you wouldn't be able to get on a horse if you tried."

I was calm with that one. I said "well Daddy, that's why they made mounting blocks...Fat girls have been doing it for years." I didn't point out that my good leg is the leg that I'd be pulling up with anyway-it was more dramatic to make it a fat girl issue.

The tactlessnes has gotten much worse,and it makes me sad, because I know it's age, not a mean streak. I KNOW my parents love me. And for that I am grateful. I am in touch with a lot of people who are dealing with aging parents and are struggling with the "I don't think they ever really loved me...."

It really is the same eternal battles we've had since I firt showed up-but we are fighting them much more quietly now and with less fervor. Because it really doesn't matter where my dryer is, does it?