Little ground hog dancing scene from Caddy Shack. Storms to the north of me-storms to the south-nothing in the middle with me. Whoops-didn't get me did you Mother Nature? Not this kitty.
It is considered poor form to gloat if your house didn't get blown away because someone else's did-but oh yeah-safe again. Really does celebrating MY good fortune have to mean I'm happy about your misfortune? Those storms were a nasty business but not only am I extremely GRATEFUL that I didn't get hit-I'm pretty stinking happy about it too.
I think sometimes we get bogged down in the frightful spectacle of what could have happened, and what did happen to other people-and forget to do the happy dance for the fact it didn't happen to us. Not me-I'm happy. I bet there would be less PSTD in the world if people would focus not on the what almost happened but on the DIDN'T part.
I also think people who are suffering from "survivor's guilt" are looking for control they don't have and will never have. You don't get to choose which house the twister drops on-so if you are feeling guilty I think you need to get over yourself and go out and help someone who did get hit.
The Non-Native Okies are particularly shook up. My advice is if you are going to live here the sooner you learn to cope with it the better. The weather is not going to change. Well, that isn't true-in Oklahoma it changes every few minutes.
I'm not mocking Mother Nature either-Death always wins in the end-I'm just celebrating my temporary victory....wooo hooooo hoooo!
Friday, May 27, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
A Day Off
I've been going balls to the wall since before I left for Missouri and my body just aches all over. It's all been fun-well most of it, but I am sitting today out-at least trying to stay on the computer and avoid heavy lifting, running, etc. We'll see how that goes.
I think that's part of life-learning to balance between working hard AND resting...both are valid activities-but no one slaps you on the back for resting. Maybe they SHOULD. We should all approve when someone says "I'm resting today".
I bought myself a python for mother's day. He's currently in the "ignore him and let him get used to new surroundings" phase of things. It's hard to do, and boring-but it means he'll eat well and set up for a good life (barring virus's, power outages etc). I said never again after the last virus outbreak-but life is just like that. Things don't always work out.
Life with animals is really like that. I'm never going to get happy with the death of an animal but I think I've reached the point where it doesn't cripple me like it used to. I grieve freely and move on-no sense in letting grief get in the way of an otherwise good day.
I know part of my activity burst is my way of dealing with the daughter/granddaughter thing (no news, I've been duped again, oh well). I'm ok with that as long as it doesn't get over the top and is basically good productive activity. I think the difference between manic behavior and good old fashioned avoidance is a matter of degree.
I'll be the first to admit I've used upset in the past as an oh what the hell excuse to do something hair brained I've actually been contemplating for a long time. I'm still up for hair brained occasionally-I think we all need to scratch that wild hair sometimes. But not today. Today I just want to put my feet up and sip coffee.
I really want to journey to P-town again. I missed going to Sedona for two weeks because my father was ill-but for some reason I have no desire to try to do that again right now. The moment has passed and I need ocean not cactus. It's not likely to happen this year though-I want summer ocean and I'm not able to journey much more than I've already planned.
Mom and Dad went to California alone and it was good for us both. They are in the awkward stage of really needing someone around, but not all the time. As the "someone" it's kind of a thankless task-since no one even acknowledges it.
For awhile I let that be my role in life-perpetual helper-and I will always be that for my parents. I have decided everyone else needs to at least acknowledge my efforts or I will quietly go find someone who will. For my part, I always say thank you, and usually more than once when someone helps me out.
This is a pretty low energy post-remember-I'm resting today.
I think that's part of life-learning to balance between working hard AND resting...both are valid activities-but no one slaps you on the back for resting. Maybe they SHOULD. We should all approve when someone says "I'm resting today".
I bought myself a python for mother's day. He's currently in the "ignore him and let him get used to new surroundings" phase of things. It's hard to do, and boring-but it means he'll eat well and set up for a good life (barring virus's, power outages etc). I said never again after the last virus outbreak-but life is just like that. Things don't always work out.
Life with animals is really like that. I'm never going to get happy with the death of an animal but I think I've reached the point where it doesn't cripple me like it used to. I grieve freely and move on-no sense in letting grief get in the way of an otherwise good day.
I know part of my activity burst is my way of dealing with the daughter/granddaughter thing (no news, I've been duped again, oh well). I'm ok with that as long as it doesn't get over the top and is basically good productive activity. I think the difference between manic behavior and good old fashioned avoidance is a matter of degree.
I'll be the first to admit I've used upset in the past as an oh what the hell excuse to do something hair brained I've actually been contemplating for a long time. I'm still up for hair brained occasionally-I think we all need to scratch that wild hair sometimes. But not today. Today I just want to put my feet up and sip coffee.
I really want to journey to P-town again. I missed going to Sedona for two weeks because my father was ill-but for some reason I have no desire to try to do that again right now. The moment has passed and I need ocean not cactus. It's not likely to happen this year though-I want summer ocean and I'm not able to journey much more than I've already planned.
Mom and Dad went to California alone and it was good for us both. They are in the awkward stage of really needing someone around, but not all the time. As the "someone" it's kind of a thankless task-since no one even acknowledges it.
For awhile I let that be my role in life-perpetual helper-and I will always be that for my parents. I have decided everyone else needs to at least acknowledge my efforts or I will quietly go find someone who will. For my part, I always say thank you, and usually more than once when someone helps me out.
This is a pretty low energy post-remember-I'm resting today.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Missouri and weird weather
Solo and I went to Missouri for four days with a friend and her border collie for a border collie seminar. We had great fun and learned a lot-first vacation type thing I have had in over a year. I savored every moment.
Yesterday, home again, I worked at an agility trial for the Irish Setter National Specialty. I started out freezing cold, shivering and miserable and ended the day with fewer clothes and uncomfortably hot. That's Oklahoma weather for you. I still haven't planted the garden because we shoot up to the nineties and then down to near freezing again. My garden will be late but I'd rather plant it just one time-and really-there is NO deadline.
I missed my moleskinne art project deadline-oh well. The things I did instead of doing that were at the time more important and mostly related to helping other people out. I am learning to realize sometimes missed deadlines ARE a choice, but if I am ok with the choice I need not beat myself up about it.
I am much better about saying "no" in general-but I am not going to not help someone who is injured or ill because I need to write in my moleskinne for an art project. I vaguely believe that good deeds come back to you in a good way-so maybe my next project will be really awesome or something.
My body is pretty tired though-I was tired when I left for Missouri, tired when I came home and I'm tired today. BUT I'm meeting someone to work with their border collie puppy so I guess I will rest tomorrow. At least I'm sleeping well and the weather has been so bizarre I've skipped my usual spring insomnia.
I always find a silver lining-and I'm ok with that.
Yesterday, home again, I worked at an agility trial for the Irish Setter National Specialty. I started out freezing cold, shivering and miserable and ended the day with fewer clothes and uncomfortably hot. That's Oklahoma weather for you. I still haven't planted the garden because we shoot up to the nineties and then down to near freezing again. My garden will be late but I'd rather plant it just one time-and really-there is NO deadline.
I missed my moleskinne art project deadline-oh well. The things I did instead of doing that were at the time more important and mostly related to helping other people out. I am learning to realize sometimes missed deadlines ARE a choice, but if I am ok with the choice I need not beat myself up about it.
I am much better about saying "no" in general-but I am not going to not help someone who is injured or ill because I need to write in my moleskinne for an art project. I vaguely believe that good deeds come back to you in a good way-so maybe my next project will be really awesome or something.
My body is pretty tired though-I was tired when I left for Missouri, tired when I came home and I'm tired today. BUT I'm meeting someone to work with their border collie puppy so I guess I will rest tomorrow. At least I'm sleeping well and the weather has been so bizarre I've skipped my usual spring insomnia.
I always find a silver lining-and I'm ok with that.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Nothing New
CPS has been notified and of course can tell me nothing. My daughter checked in every few days for awhile but that has fallen off too. In the meantime I'm staying busy.
I have an office sharing thing going on at a local dog training facility. I watch the place so that the owner can have some free time in return for a place where I can work on writing and work my dog. It's been nice.
She had a nasty break-literally. She broke her wrist so I've been there quite a lot lately and it's probably been the best thing for me. Having to be somewhere and be somewhat together has kept me from brooding. Ok, it hasn't stopped me from brooding entirely, but it has helped.
I've got other stuff going on as well, though nothing as dramatic. After our December scare-both parents have stayed fairly healthy. I was worn out from that (Daddy almost died) until my daughter pops in with her daughter....oi.
When you give a horse medicine, you sometimes pinch their lips so they don't notice the shot or the nasty tasting stuff you are feeding them. Trouble is a bit like that as well-new trouble at least distracts you from the old trouble.
I was cleaning out the garage today and out of no where fell a package of photos from 1988 that belonged to Uncle John. I had a long cry over them. It was shots of where he hung out with his work buddies, his work place (they were on a project that was developing a wheel chair that could climb stairs) and his new at that time condo.
The condo was clean and sparkling and he even had a window pot of flowers on his patio. The beautiful trees I sat under when I was there taking care of things were little twigs in those photographs. He had an old Black and White TV set between his two prized antique radios-ones I gave away when we moved him to Texas.
I sat in my garage with the garage door opened and looked at picture after picture and cried and cried. First I cried because I was sad and miss John, followed by the usual bawl fest because his life ended so badly. Then I cried for awhile because I was happy to see that the last few years were not his entire life-there were good parts that I didn't really know about. The development lab that he loved, his work he was so proud of, his friends, his new condo.
Because I've been dealing with so much human carnage lately, it's easy to forget there is also some good stuff in life. Those pictures reminded me of that. Birth is probably traumatic (I don't remember) and death can be icky too. The part in between-that's life baby-and it's worth having.
Thanks for reminding me Uncle John.
I took some neat pictures today but they are still in the camera. Here's a funny one I took a week or so ago.
This is a collage I made from shots of Solo and the love of his life-the tennis ball.
I have an office sharing thing going on at a local dog training facility. I watch the place so that the owner can have some free time in return for a place where I can work on writing and work my dog. It's been nice.
She had a nasty break-literally. She broke her wrist so I've been there quite a lot lately and it's probably been the best thing for me. Having to be somewhere and be somewhat together has kept me from brooding. Ok, it hasn't stopped me from brooding entirely, but it has helped.
I've got other stuff going on as well, though nothing as dramatic. After our December scare-both parents have stayed fairly healthy. I was worn out from that (Daddy almost died) until my daughter pops in with her daughter....oi.
When you give a horse medicine, you sometimes pinch their lips so they don't notice the shot or the nasty tasting stuff you are feeding them. Trouble is a bit like that as well-new trouble at least distracts you from the old trouble.
I was cleaning out the garage today and out of no where fell a package of photos from 1988 that belonged to Uncle John. I had a long cry over them. It was shots of where he hung out with his work buddies, his work place (they were on a project that was developing a wheel chair that could climb stairs) and his new at that time condo.
The condo was clean and sparkling and he even had a window pot of flowers on his patio. The beautiful trees I sat under when I was there taking care of things were little twigs in those photographs. He had an old Black and White TV set between his two prized antique radios-ones I gave away when we moved him to Texas.
I sat in my garage with the garage door opened and looked at picture after picture and cried and cried. First I cried because I was sad and miss John, followed by the usual bawl fest because his life ended so badly. Then I cried for awhile because I was happy to see that the last few years were not his entire life-there were good parts that I didn't really know about. The development lab that he loved, his work he was so proud of, his friends, his new condo.
Because I've been dealing with so much human carnage lately, it's easy to forget there is also some good stuff in life. Those pictures reminded me of that. Birth is probably traumatic (I don't remember) and death can be icky too. The part in between-that's life baby-and it's worth having.
Thanks for reminding me Uncle John.
I took some neat pictures today but they are still in the camera. Here's a funny one I took a week or so ago.
This is a collage I made from shots of Solo and the love of his life-the tennis ball.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Ok here it is
I really don't like posting cryptic stuff and no one but friends read this any way....so here goes.
I may have my grandchild (who I have never met) as a resident for a time. Child protective services is involved and I am not sure if it will happen, if so when, or for how long. I know she is 5 years old and her name is Zoey.
In a nut shell, my daughter asked and I said yes. I even thought about it before saying yes, but it all became overwhelming to think about so I just said yes. I know I think too much sometimes, and sometimes I don't think enough. But this was a pretty clear YES situation.
So, while working through my fledgling business, what I want to be when I grow up, failing finances.....I am trying to figure out to incorporate a 5 year old into the mix. Daddy almost died last December-but he's still here and so is Mom. Clearly the universe is telling me it's not time to head out on the rowdy road or go on Safari.
I bounce between being excited, scared, angry and combos of all the above. That said I do enjoy situations where action is clearly needed and I am the one who must act. I spend so much time in life's little grey areas, that a nice shot of clarity is refreshing.
I also gave up cussing and video games for lent and with this new development my head may explode-but I've not played a video game and I only owe 12.00 to the cuss jar.
I may have my grandchild (who I have never met) as a resident for a time. Child protective services is involved and I am not sure if it will happen, if so when, or for how long. I know she is 5 years old and her name is Zoey.
In a nut shell, my daughter asked and I said yes. I even thought about it before saying yes, but it all became overwhelming to think about so I just said yes. I know I think too much sometimes, and sometimes I don't think enough. But this was a pretty clear YES situation.
So, while working through my fledgling business, what I want to be when I grow up, failing finances.....I am trying to figure out to incorporate a 5 year old into the mix. Daddy almost died last December-but he's still here and so is Mom. Clearly the universe is telling me it's not time to head out on the rowdy road or go on Safari.
I bounce between being excited, scared, angry and combos of all the above. That said I do enjoy situations where action is clearly needed and I am the one who must act. I spend so much time in life's little grey areas, that a nice shot of clarity is refreshing.
I also gave up cussing and video games for lent and with this new development my head may explode-but I've not played a video game and I only owe 12.00 to the cuss jar.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I'm still here
In a bit of transition of a transition-and can't speak much of it now. It's big and earth shattering (for me) and I really despise people who do what I am doing now but know I'm still around and will share when I can.
This may be the most frightening, daring, heartbreaking thing yet....like in all my life EVER. If it comes to pass it will be because it is suppose to be-and I have no regrets about sticking my neck on the line because it was clearly the right choice. Notice I didn't say "I had no choice"....I'm owning the choice right up front too. Yay me.
Now excuse please while I go back into the fetal position for awhile longer.
This may be the most frightening, daring, heartbreaking thing yet....like in all my life EVER. If it comes to pass it will be because it is suppose to be-and I have no regrets about sticking my neck on the line because it was clearly the right choice. Notice I didn't say "I had no choice"....I'm owning the choice right up front too. Yay me.
Now excuse please while I go back into the fetal position for awhile longer.
Friday, February 11, 2011
Days 8-9-10 and 11
I fell prey to the snow and sore muscles-haven't done a full 15 minutes in days-but do stretch each night. Maybe THAT will become my routine-since it really does appear to make for a less stiff morning wake up.
I'm really working on finding what works for me rather than follow a formula. I DO look at formulas though-to see if anything in them might work for me.
People are really food crabby this time of year. The holidays are over, the weight gain is real, and they are looking for the next magic bullet. I'm avoiding most food discussions right now because people get evangelical about whatever they've chosen. They WANT to believe. I am beginning to suspect the thing you need to believe in is yourself-but if that is the case it is something a person has to come to realize on their own.
I'm really working on finding what works for me rather than follow a formula. I DO look at formulas though-to see if anything in them might work for me.
People are really food crabby this time of year. The holidays are over, the weight gain is real, and they are looking for the next magic bullet. I'm avoiding most food discussions right now because people get evangelical about whatever they've chosen. They WANT to believe. I am beginning to suspect the thing you need to believe in is yourself-but if that is the case it is something a person has to come to realize on their own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)