Have a Happy Sunday

I hope you take the time to enjoy the sites and sounds and smells of this day. Hug a dog or some other critter.

Random Stuff

Now-a weird conversation between my trickster brain and me.........

Brain (who wants to find everything funny)Ho Ho Ho , Ha Ha-LOOK at that Hooooo weeeeeee

Me (who hurts when she laughs) Brain, please tone it down a bit, I know you are relieved but laughter hurts right now

Brain ....so, the body needs endorphins, I worried them all away LOOK-isn't THAT absurd?

Me ouch, yes that's funny, but it hurts to laugh

Brain-so learn to laugh without your voicebox dipshit-OH LOOK-Oliver is hanging upside down and farting Oh OH OHHHHHH

So, I've been practicing silent laughter today-and it can be done. Which is a good thing, can we can all use a few more endorphins. At first it just felt sad and weird, but it became empowering. My laughter may be silenced, but it is still alive

Sign language is still limited to a few rude gestures. Hah-did you hear my silent laughter?

There is NOT an alien in my chest, but....

....part of my belly is in my throat-and that feels almost the same. My diaphragm is being corn holed by my stomach, and the bit of stomach that's up in my esophagus is not happy about being there.

Medical version: I have a stomach prolapse caused by a hernia blow out. I don't think blow out is medical, but rupture doesn't seem right either. So, the month's long answer to the mystery of why I can't keep anything down is solved.

And I will say-YAY for that, because it's a very annoying thing not to be able to hold your water. There is an alternate method for staying hydrated via the "water retention enema" and I will continue as long as I can stand it, the go for an IV hook up if I can't hold out till next Wednesday-surgery day.

They'll go in (after putting me out) and pull the stomach back where it belongs, stitch my diaphragm back better than ever an able to withstand hurricane force winds. Then they'll evaluate my lap band-I've said use your own judgement with this criteria-if it needs to be repositioned, go for it if all looks well. If it has suffered too much twisting around or erosion, just pull it out, no replacements. I'd like to keep it if I can, but I don't want to fiddle with my stomach any more for a bit.

The family has already begun to try to assign blame-but I knew about the hernia before I had the lap band, we've discussed repair before. And, no one really knows if it was the hernia that caused all the vomiting or the lap band caused it and made the hernia worse, blew it out, and caused more vomiting. No one knows and I for one don't give a rat's ass-just FIX IT.


My big dogs are going to be treated to 2 week boarding school. It's an extravagance I was considering anyway, and if I don't do it, they'll need it after being kenneled for so long. The little kids will just go down the street and I can bring them home as I see fit and as I heal. I've managed Greta and Cody before on one leg-so I doubt a hernia will slow us down much. The Slim formerly known as Oliver can be a handful-but there isn't much grief he can give me in a tightly locked yard. Prissy can be a shit when she senses physical weakness, but I have a few tricks up my sleeve that she hasn't seen yet.

Mr. Bird and his raggedy crew won't notice anything at all and I'll just feed the snakes well right before surgery and they'll be good till I'm up and around.

Casper is happy with just visits, but I may find someone to work him (while I watch) because I hate to lose the ground we've gained. He's a good boy, and I love to take him for walks, but a 1200 pound horse can put quite a tug on new stitches even just playing. So I'm trying to work out what I can do, so that the trainer does the heavy stuff, then I finish up with brushing or something like that so we don't lose our bond.

Dr. Nelson is good but cautious (which makes her good) so I'm looking at water/thin liquids until next week, then for two weeks after. I KNEW all that powdered goat milk would come in handy-and so it will!

Never fear, Mr. Mr. Birdy Birdy will not miss his day-but we are going to have to work out a Toddler Tunes rotation schedule that works for both of us. I'm setting up a little ATC workstation/tub that I can get to easily-what a fun thing to do when you can't move around very well.

Oh-and I want you to know the egg woman down the street is back to tossing the yolks, so all is well in birdyville.

Thursday 13

Little things that make me very happy.

1. Tiny flowers growing in a field-the kind that you don't notice until you sit down with them.

2, Hummingbirds. I got to hold one once.

3. How the air smells after a storm.

4. The slip stream of water on your body as you dive in.

5. Owning my very own in house washer and dryer-the thrill has never left me.

6. The suck of air as you open a vacuum sealed can or jar.

7. Dragonflies.

8. The tiny chirps the parakeets make as they fuss themselves to sleep.

9. Listening to the old folks talk amongst themselves.

10. Rose moss always makes me smile.

11. The first tomatoes. I have my first two on the vine now. Subsequent tomatoes are just as nice.

12. A meal someone else has cooked with me in mind.

13. Dried Okra. It's sweet and savory, my favorite combo!

HAW, It's all about Mr. Bird, Mr. Birdy Bird!!!!!

Of course, that applies to many other days besides Wednesday. Oh Oh Yes, yes, yesssssss. When the woman came home my first words were a mumbled "No Prissy" because she woke me up from a sound sleep and I thought she was messing with that beast in the middle of the night.

Later, after I finished my sleep and had a few warm up runs, I sang a beautiful Operatic version of Mr. Bird, Mr. Biiiiiiiiiird, Good Mr. Bird......good Bird. The woman admired it so much I added some body noises to the final mix. Not many birds could manage an operatic belch.

We (the woman and me me me) shared a thing called a peach. It was mushy and sweet. Not as nice as craps though.

Monday was nice-just the woman, the keets, the cat, and me, me, me. I made sure she didn't miss the dogs by barking and being a squeaky toy. With me around, who needs anyone else? That's me, the real deal.....MR. BIRD!

KMAT

Ah, it's that time again, Kiss My Ass Thursday!

People who fart on planes-KMAT. You are excused (grudgingly) if you only found out about the flight 24 hours in advance. But really, if you KNEW, and you still ate at On The Border, or worse, are bringing it On The Plane-Kiss my ass.

People who bitch and moan about weather delays and blame it on the airlines, loudly, KISS MY ASS. I'll be honest, this includes some family members but granola crapola, if the airlines can't control their own bottom line, I seriously doubt that they can control the weather. Ironically, the people who were getting the most out of line and declaring "I'll never fly this airline again" are the infrequent fliers the airlines WANT to piss off, which I found kind of sickly amusing, so maybe the kvetching is a good thing, but nonetheless, jolly well pucker up and KMA.

People who cry and carry on IN LINE over the cell phone, can really KMA. If you are THAT upset, go somewhere else and piss and moan. And Bluetooth users in grocery stores, Kiss My Ass. The ones who talk really LOUD and are expressive and stuff, Kiss My Ass Twice. Here I am, in some dollar store, contemplating all the wonderful things I can have for one dollar, and some Amazon woman with Big Hair comes zooming around the corner carrying on and having a big old fit and scares the crap out of my reverie, passes me by shrieking-and never even knows I was there or that she startled me. If you are hovering somewhere in the intersection of the virtual world and the real world, keep your eye on both, or Kiss My Ass.

I'd like to creep up on those people while they were in the bathtub and yell loudly "DON'T MIND ME OR MY NOISE, I'M ON THE CELL PHONE SO I'M NOT REALLY HERE". Since that would involve several larcenies and maybe some felonies, I'll just soothe my disgruntled self by mumbling Kiss My Ass one more time.

I've begun to have KMAT fantasies-visions of really yelling "Kiss My Ass" at very rude people. You can have them too, but to be a legitimate Kiss My Ass Moment, the recipient of the yell must encroach upon your space or psyche in a very rude and deliberate way. You can't just go yelling Kiss My Ass at everyone-it would lose its power to shock. Well, that's not entirely true. Yelling "Kiss My Ass" at the little old lady taking her dog for a walk would be shocking, but so rude that then she would be completely justified in giving you a KMA right back. Oh Kiss My Ass and make your own rules.

What I want to say to you a week from today

Really, the idea of post dating and predating is not NEW-but it has always fascinated me. As an accountant, I was always recording things a month behind as if they were happening in real time. Hell, sometimes it was months and YEARS behind-accounting is not the exact science they would lead you to believe.

Reality comes in versions-the version you are given at the time, subject to chance with subsequent information. Sometimes reality would get so distorted, we'd create an alternate version, get the auditors to agree this alternate version was truly what really happened, then use that version to over write the "live version" of reality-to get reality to more closely match what REALLY happened, at least after further scrutiny. I really did spend YEARS going over the late 90's, early 2000's, and no wonder I got bored with the whole thing.

Today, the 17th I am propped up in bed blogging ahead and thinking about maybe trying to eat something for lunch. But, when THIS is released into the ether, I will be heading home after my 4 days in California with family. I'm sure my thoughts will be focused on home and this very bed. Today this bed is a bit confining, and yet a week from now it will be a destination spot.

Freaky how much of our lives are lived right in our minds, isn't it? I probably spend wayyy to much time in my own head, but I know people who never seem to visit. Cest La Vie.

Anyway, for the coming week, I promise more pictures and less words.