Saturday, February 13, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Pain
I realize I haven't been writing because I hate talking about physical pain. If I am having it-it takes all my focus to deal with it. If I am not having it-I don't want to think about it.
A week or so ago I would have been content just to find a position where I could lie still and not be in total agony. Aching was ok, just stop the agony. Now I've progressed to the point that I want to walk and sit. I know, I'm never happy.
I feel good enough to start feeling antsy-but if I stay up too long I have to stretch back out to relax those muscles. I want to feel good again, and then I feel very guilty for wanting that. A young mother I know died a few weeks ago-I'm sure she'd take my body, agony and all.
So, I feel guilty for not liking physcial pain. I feel frustrated for not being able to leap up and do the things I want to do. I distract myself for a little bit, then I feel guilty for the time I've "wasted" by distracting myself.
I'm frustrated there is no timetable for "better", then I feel guilty because at least I know I will get better, and some people won't. It's just one big cycle of real pain and self inflicted mental pain.
Yay.
A week or so ago I would have been content just to find a position where I could lie still and not be in total agony. Aching was ok, just stop the agony. Now I've progressed to the point that I want to walk and sit. I know, I'm never happy.
I feel good enough to start feeling antsy-but if I stay up too long I have to stretch back out to relax those muscles. I want to feel good again, and then I feel very guilty for wanting that. A young mother I know died a few weeks ago-I'm sure she'd take my body, agony and all.
So, I feel guilty for not liking physcial pain. I feel frustrated for not being able to leap up and do the things I want to do. I distract myself for a little bit, then I feel guilty for the time I've "wasted" by distracting myself.
I'm frustrated there is no timetable for "better", then I feel guilty because at least I know I will get better, and some people won't. It's just one big cycle of real pain and self inflicted mental pain.
Yay.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
I'm here-really
Blogger is being weird about letting me leave comments-I just wanted you guys to know I am lurking even if I'm not commenting.
Oliver and I just shared an apple. It was his idea. He suddenly perked up from his nap and said in his sweetest voice "Do you want your APPLE?" Who could resist, not me.
I couldn't watch the super bowl (SUPA BOWL) according to Oliver. Sitting doesn't work yet for me. But I had a good time listening to Mr. Bird, who went nuts with all the screaming and applause and such. He yelled SUPA BOWL and YAY and OMIGOD and laughed all evening long. He was pretty quiet on Monday-he was worn out from all his celebrating.
He also figured out if he sticks his head in an empty food dish and makes his pirate noise "AAAAARGH" it echoes. He has changed his Bad dog bad dogs song to -you guessed it BAd Bird BAd bird-watchu gonna do.
Finally, and this is big-he changed up a canned response, to, I believe elicit laughter.
We play a game called "What does kitty say? What does pirate say?....etc. and he knows what each thing is supposed to say (Kitty says meow, Pirate says arrrrgh, dog barks, etc). We were playing that and I said "what does kitty say?" and he paused for a minute and then shouted "AAAAGH who let the dogs out?" I laughed so hard I hurt myself, and he laughed for an hour after that. I really do believe it was a deliberate "joke" on his part. He likes he sound of laughter, so it's not so far fetched to think he'd want to do something to create that sound.
He has been my angel as I've been sick and recovered. I love all my animals, but Oliver is really and truly more of a colleague than a pet.
Oliver and I just shared an apple. It was his idea. He suddenly perked up from his nap and said in his sweetest voice "Do you want your APPLE?" Who could resist, not me.
I couldn't watch the super bowl (SUPA BOWL) according to Oliver. Sitting doesn't work yet for me. But I had a good time listening to Mr. Bird, who went nuts with all the screaming and applause and such. He yelled SUPA BOWL and YAY and OMIGOD and laughed all evening long. He was pretty quiet on Monday-he was worn out from all his celebrating.
He also figured out if he sticks his head in an empty food dish and makes his pirate noise "AAAAARGH" it echoes. He has changed his Bad dog bad dogs song to -you guessed it BAd Bird BAd bird-watchu gonna do.
Finally, and this is big-he changed up a canned response, to, I believe elicit laughter.
We play a game called "What does kitty say? What does pirate say?....etc. and he knows what each thing is supposed to say (Kitty says meow, Pirate says arrrrgh, dog barks, etc). We were playing that and I said "what does kitty say?" and he paused for a minute and then shouted "AAAAGH who let the dogs out?" I laughed so hard I hurt myself, and he laughed for an hour after that. I really do believe it was a deliberate "joke" on his part. He likes he sound of laughter, so it's not so far fetched to think he'd want to do something to create that sound.
He has been my angel as I've been sick and recovered. I love all my animals, but Oliver is really and truly more of a colleague than a pet.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Friday, February 5, 2010
Update
Toilet spontaneously unclogged. This is good cause Daddy forgot to tell Mom to get me some liquid plumber and that sparked an existential pity party on my part. Now, I'm telling this just as it happened. I was hovering over my makeshift dunny-peeing and grimacing cause squatting hurts and generally feeling "woe is me' and WOOOOSH-the toilet unclogged! I cheered and the bird cheered because that's what he does.
I thought about what this might MEAN-yes it makes me snicker to even type it. But I did. And I think the lesson is that sometimes we focus on "help will come from X" and we forget about all the other letters out there-and even the random events. Maybe "help" would come sooner if we just opened ourselves to the possibility that help will come.
Now that's some deep shit.....HAHAHAHAHAH. I know, but even KJ has to think that's funny!
I thought about what this might MEAN-yes it makes me snicker to even type it. But I did. And I think the lesson is that sometimes we focus on "help will come from X" and we forget about all the other letters out there-and even the random events. Maybe "help" would come sooner if we just opened ourselves to the possibility that help will come.
Now that's some deep shit.....HAHAHAHAHAH. I know, but even KJ has to think that's funny!
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Scorecard
Power stayed on and nobody died.
It's Tuesday-so 7 days since I've left these walls.
Toilet is dead-need a plunger or liquid plummer.
I can walk a little bit, but cannot sit. This arrangement has caused my "good" hip to get sore and makes toileting not so fun. Also see above toilet comment.
Oliver has an entire new repetoire of coughs and groans.
I've bet Daddy a quarter his pacemaker will not have to be replaced. He thinks they gave him an MRI in the ER (which per the manual destroys pacemakers) and I think they gave him a Cat Scan. I don't trust his memory because he's old and he doesn't trust mine cause I fell off a horse.
The dog room sprung a leak and is wet. The dog food I bought pre storm is safely frozen in the truck so the dogs are eating their way through my freezer. Yesterday they had rabbit and turkey. Today they are gettin a rack of ribs.
The rack of ribs was bought on sale an will probably figure out to be more cost effective than the damn dog food.
I am simmering oxtails/leaks/carrot/potatoes for myself.
It's Tuesday-so 7 days since I've left these walls.
Toilet is dead-need a plunger or liquid plummer.
I can walk a little bit, but cannot sit. This arrangement has caused my "good" hip to get sore and makes toileting not so fun. Also see above toilet comment.
Oliver has an entire new repetoire of coughs and groans.
I've bet Daddy a quarter his pacemaker will not have to be replaced. He thinks they gave him an MRI in the ER (which per the manual destroys pacemakers) and I think they gave him a Cat Scan. I don't trust his memory because he's old and he doesn't trust mine cause I fell off a horse.
The dog room sprung a leak and is wet. The dog food I bought pre storm is safely frozen in the truck so the dogs are eating their way through my freezer. Yesterday they had rabbit and turkey. Today they are gettin a rack of ribs.
The rack of ribs was bought on sale an will probably figure out to be more cost effective than the damn dog food.
I am simmering oxtails/leaks/carrot/potatoes for myself.
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