Haw Haw the sky didn't fall

Hellllllllooooooooooooo!  It's me, Mister Birdy Birdy Bird, yes Mister Bird.  Oh, did I get a good one in on Sunday morning.

The woman was sound asleep, and I made a phone ring noise-but just once.  She'd cuss, get up, look at the phone and go back to bed.  I'd wait, and do it again.....Ha ha ha......she hates getting up early and I love it when she gets mad.    Funny funny funny!

The holiday thing came and went.  People were popping firecrackers during a thunderstorm-YES YES YES.  I saw it!  I heard it.  I liked it a lot.

The woman got the furminator out-the Moon had the most fur-he really molted!  Lovely GREY fur.  I shared an apple with all the furry dogs.  They see ME get an apple, and they want one too.  Apple apple apple!  But that way, I always get FRESH apple-yum.  Sharing has it's good points, as long as I get my share first.

My yellow spray bottle broke-the woman better go get another fast-I need my MIST, MIST, GOOD MIST!!!!!!  Yes yes yes! Mist!

HAW, and I hope you get misted a lot and your fair share of apples apples apples!

KMAT-MORE TASTELESS OFF COLOR STUFF

Here's My Ass-Get Ready to Kiss It~

1. News media coverage of Michael Jackson.  He's DEAD.  END OF STORY, Kiss My ASS

2.  Ice cream-KMA and Get OFF My ASS-sheesh.

3. People who sneer at art-Kiss My ASS bigtime

4. Bugs on My Eggplants-Kiss my ass and DIE

5. Flies-Kiss My ass and DIE

6. FLEAS-Kiss My Ass and DIE

7. Sarah Palin-Kiss My Ass and shut the fuck up and quit trying to capitalize

on your single mom daughter.  It happens, you needn't get richer, you media whore.

8. Bare grass spots-Kiss My Ass and GROW DAMMIT

9. Family politics-Kiss My Ass and grow up

10. Unfilled Lapband-Kiss My ASS-I could eat a small molly mule.  

Today's KMA is sort of a tourette's syndrome of annoyance.  Feel free to chime in!

Blah Blah Blah

Blah blah blahity blah blah blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Know what I mean?

Independence Day

Happy Fourth of July!  It's my parent's anniversary, also my niece's, a national day off work (with pay if you are fortunate) and probably the most grilling intense day other than Labor Day for all my fellow Americans.   Fireworks, beer and bratwurst abound.

Like many holidays, I think we get so caught up in the celebration, we forget why we are celebrating.  As a child, I thought we were celebrating "freedom from English rule" and probably the founding fathers WERE.  But that is long ago and far away.

Now, what I'd like for us to celebrate is how lucky we are to have choices.  Having grown up here, I forget how fortunate I really am.  I can post what I want to on this blog, dress how I want to, eat what I want to and when I want to.

I have the freedom to choose so very many things that others do not:

How I spend my time

My opinion on an event

What kind of work I'd like to do

Where I will work

What doctor I will see if I'm ill

If I will have children or not, or how many

If I will go to school, or not, or for how long

What I will study

What I will say, write, think or do

Where I will live

What saddens me a bit is that many Americans really don't see the choices that are available to them.  Choices don't mean that the things you want are given to you-life isn't a big pay one price and take all you want buffet.  But, we do have options that many do not have-even the option not to exercise them.

I don't always agree with everything we do as a country, but I am grateful for this country and the right to disagree.

My Own Private Waterloo

STAY

Such a simple thing to teach.  Except for me.  This week in Molly's class, we were instructed to work on STAY.  Molly was even used as a demo dog-and she got it.  So I am determined to get a good stay on Molly-my first ever good stay on a dog.

Stay is one of those things that seems simple, but is nuanced ad nauseam.   For a dog who is used to offering behaviors until the right one is offered, STAY can be disconcerting-the correct behavior is do nothing-remain in position.  It can be either sit or down, but whatever the command was prior to stay, THAT is position that you have to remain in.  So, lying down on a sit stay is a no no-even if you don't move forward.

As in life, doing nothing is often harder than doing something-and figuring out the right way to do nothing-well, that takes real effort.

Dear Molly is my practice dog-Moon HAS to have a great stay if he's going to do agility.  Both the start and the middle exercise (a sit stay or a down stay) have to be done correctly or the run will not qualify.  While Moon learns more quickly than Molly, he is also prone to "learning" something not exactly correct-Molly is more forgiving for trainer error.  So, this month Molly will learn to stay, and next month we'll shoot for Moon.

Thursday 13 Things to remember during this family weekend

1.  I am not the keeper of family happiness.  If someone gets cranky or pissed, it's not up to me to fix it.  

2. This IS my family.  No use mourning for those who are not here (daughter) because if I do, it will obliterate the joy of those who are.  This is a hard one for me.

3. I do not have to rearrange my entire tiny house for entertaining for two days.  Clean paper plates, a place for a few people to sit and a fresh toilet paper roll-that's my only obligation.

4.  Sometimes over thinking things is just that-over thinking.  Learn to leave it alone.

5. I don't owe anyone explanations for anything.  (Why do you keep snakes, etc.)

6. I have a lot of toys.  I didn't have a lot of toys when I raised my one child alone-that child is gone, I didn't start a second family-but I did start buying toys.  When you aren't raising generations of children, you get to have toys.  (refer to no. 5).

7. I don't have to let you play with all my toys if I don't want to, or I think you are going to either hurt one or be hurt by one.  My toys, my choice.  (refer to no.'s 5 and 6).

8. My animals are not toys.  When they are tired, they are put away to rest.  Not all of them like people other than me-and that's ok, because they are mine, not yours.

9. Yes, I want to draw on the sidewalk with the kids.  I don't care what the neighbors think (unless they want to join us).

10. No, sorry, you can't stay here.   My extra bedroom is full of snakes-it cuts down on overnight stays.

11.  Out of ice/beer/chips?  Wow, somebody better run to the store then.

12.   I'm not sure why the parrot farts and belches.  He was already doing that when I got him.  Ok, he didn't say "good LORD" afterward, but, uh, see no. 5.

13.  Everything that bites is in a cage.  If you stick your fingers in and get bit-don't come crying to me.

Honestly, I am looking forward to the cook out and visit, but these are things I need remind myself of.  My brother's kids and grandkids are coming up, and so my brother decided to come for a visit too.  Of course, all my household projects are "in process" and not done because I've been sick.  But I suppose if you waited till everything got done, you'd never do anything at all.

HAW ICE ICE BABY!

We had something called a cool front come through the other day-that meant it only got to 90 degrees and I got to stay outside ALL day.  OOOOOOOH-it's so much fun to yell at the dogs when they try to sleep.  A lot goes on and there is a lot for me to comment on.

The woman figured out her mistake in putting the new freezer on the sunporch-when she came trudging in with ice for the BBQ she had numerous sets of eyes on her, all begging for ice.  So, of course she shared.  She's good about sharing.  ME me me....not so much.

Since I've moved outside, the Moon and the Molly have learned about popsicles-so we pretty much have one every morning.  They can't hold their because their feet don't work right (even though there are four of them), so the woman holds it for them.  The Molly licks when it's her turn, but the Moon has learned to CHOMP and get a big old bite.  The little ones don't seem to understand-so the woman freezes broth for them and they can lick it off the ground.

 The parakeets are too little and dull to eat ice-the woman even has to chop their apple up-silly helpless birds.  Their only redeeming point is that they shiver in fear  and awe when I parade by on my stick on the way out to MY OUTSIDE digs-which of course they don't have because they are silly little helpless things.

Last summer the only peppers that did well were the hot ones-all for ME ME ME Mister BIRD!  This year they are slow, and I don't like the mild ones, so the woman bought me some dried ones.  But I saw her-she used some of them in something called chili-so not ALL for me me me.

AND THEN SHE DID IT....yes yes yes.  I saw her do it-she opened the white box and used the LAST of the shredded cheese on the chili.  MINE MINE MINE.  I was so mad.  CHEESE CHEESE!!!!!  What kind of person eats the last of a bird's good good cheese.  Now there is no yellow shredded cheese for me, ME ME!!!!!

Next thing you know, she'll be eating my craps or offering them to the Molly and the Moon.  Hmph.  In fact, she DID give them blueberries and bites of apple -I SAW IT.  I didn't say anything because I was too busy eating my my MY blueberry, but oh yes, I saw it.

I hope you have a Great and Happy Animal Wednesday, and I hope nobody eats your cheese and you get plenty of ice and craps!