Eye of the Hurricane

Daddy is doing much better, so we'll gear up for stage 2-Mom's stress reaction. She is out walking today-so hopefully that routine will help her through this. My task is pretty simple at this point-check in often enough to make sure they are both ok and stay the heck away.

I don't even have the energy or the inclination to contemplate if something is wrong with my brother. I know he's been working 12 hour days, and I know what that's like. Been there done that. What I'm doing is harder, but no one would believe that who hasn't done it and it's pointless to discuss.

The fmmily opinion at this point is I am shamelessly squandering the gifts I have (education that I earned and paid for-no gift there people) by playing with my animals and watching my family. What is ironic is that very few of them have any understanding about the professional accomplishments I have achieved and if I mention it it is always dismissed with a "well you were always smart and good at book stuff."

The hardest thing to take over the past week was watching a news program about saving for college. Mom blurted out "I guess Bill didn't want to go to college-we would have paid for BILL to go to college-he finished high school." Now, we were all tired, we had ALL been sitting in the hospital for several days-except for Bill who was busy working. Me, the ne'er do well, put myself through college and did quite well at it, during and after.


Really, college isn't the point. The hurtful part was that I was there, I had been there all week and I'll be there next week too-but it's that painful comparison thing they do where I always come up short and lacking, and in some versions, responsible for most of the ills that have befallen our family.

I know it's old age and stress and a lifetime of blame. I know my parents limitations and I love them anyway. I know they did the best they could and that they are STILL doing the best they can with what they have. And I know that Bill was in no way responsible for what was said that day-he wasn't even there.

What I don't know is how to not be hurt by statements like that. I know the next best thing, which is how to shrug it off and move on, but I do still wish for that bullet proof vest.

Would you?

Would you trade the rest of your life for one second of knowing everything, including what the rest of your life WOULD have been if you had chosen not to know....

I prefer to leave many things a mystery-I like suprises.

Catching UP

I have packages to send to some of you, mail to open from some of you-I've been pretty backed up. I was working my way through it all and Daddy ended up at the ER and in the hospital after a bronchioscopy stirred up a lung infection. It was pretty scary for all of us. Mom can drive to the hospital, but she gets lost inside the hospital, so I've been doing driving duties, supporting duties as well as my own regularly scheduled worry allotment.

He's coming home this afternoon and we are all glad. Uncle John is stable right now and all the kiddos are well. I'm ok too-just need some quiet time for a bit.

Rare Political Comments

What a dumbass choice McCain made. I think he must be boning her-that's the only thing I can figure out. I struggled with career the entire time I raised up ONE child, and I can't fathom what it would be like to have 5 including a handicapped child. Oh yeah, and be the vice president of the United States at the same time.
Even with a husband and a bucketload of money, kids take time and energy.

Frankly, I'm insulted. I'm insulted as a parent, and I'm insulted as a woman. He truly has made VP like a "wife" job-no full time capabilities required.

I live in a family of staunch Republicans (heaven help me) and even THEY think he was off his nut. Not that Palin is a bad lady-she just has no experience-her state has the population of a minor city.

Talk about the ultimate token woman. Her educational background is in....journalism. The people I knew in J-school were not quite like the people I knew in business school. They were passionate and meant well (like me) but not really big on hard core decisions or strategies. I'm just sayin.

On a happier note, I think people who would have voted for McShitforBrains will vote against Palin. I've never been a total Hilary fan, but I know some, and I don't think people who are Hilary lovers are going to love this chick either.

I'm telling you now-he's boning her. It's the only reason I can think of.

HAW

This is an old photo-my Aussie Nellie dressed up as a scary bear. I wanted something in the chute ready for Animal Wednesday and this is the best I got right now. HAW

Random Thoughts

I'm off today to sit with Mom while they swab Daddy's lungs and look for stuff. Monday I did things like construct a crate platform, caulk my outbuilding and decorate my front garden with cement gargoyles. Oh, and I cleaned the snake cages.

Diego, the green half dwarf burmese baby had a nice soak while I cleaned his cage and while Diego soaked I played with little Frieda. She's filling out, but I left her in a smaller tub for now-Diego got to move up to a bigger boy tub.

So much life rushing at me at the moment I've just kind of let go of any pretense of being in control-just doing what I can when I can. I honestly don't know if I'm more relaxed or just completely and utterly depressed cause they both feel kind of the same.

Happy Cactus Monday!