Lawd Lawd Lawd

It's been awhile
Lawd Lawd Lawd
Kinda stuck today
Lawd Lawd Lawd
Too much to do, too much to say
Lawd Lawd Lawd I say Lawdy Lawd Lawd
How'm I gonna get it all done?

A very strange tree

Happy Mother's Day

My post to DementiaRescue-a yahoo group:

We all had mothers (else we would not be here). Some of us now are "mothering" our mothers, and for some of us, our mothers are gone.

Mother's day is hard for me-my own mother is fading and I am estranged from my daughter (drugs).

But I choose to make a nice pot of coffee and a nice breakfast for myself and celebrate the creative and caring spirit that is motherhood.

Hallmark doesn't make a card for every situation-find the creativity and love in YOUR situation. And celebrate.
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I've actually been making decisions at lightening speed (well for me anyway) and I've purposefully turned off the "reflective" part of me. So my writing has been a little patchy.

Right now the logistics of moving back to Oklahoma are taking over the "what does this mean" part of me. That's a strange part of me-it is the source of many creative solutions, and just as many hellish days and nights of contemplation. But it is part of me-and I'm packing it in the "to go" pile.

My Assets

A few people at the company are dismayed at my leaving. How touching. Isn't it funny that after all the work I've put into building this life, such as it is, my biggest asset is still me?

I think that's probably a good thing to know.

What hip cripples wear

God Save The Queen

One of the protocols surrounding the Queen’s visit was not speaking unless spoken to. Another was “when the Queen is finished eating and puts down her fork, no one else may continue to eat.” Did anyone tell the old bat that we pulled away from England a few years ago?

There is respect, and respecting other customs, but when those customs elevate one human being above another-that goes too far. The Queen is just a wealthy old lady-a figurehead, and no real political power any longer. The fact that she insists on following the ancient protocols really makes me think a little less of her. It’s insulting.

The search goes on for a small house, flat yard, good fence, trailer pad for the Scotty in Oklahoma City. The rain continues to fall-so the paint job, restore plans are pretty much on hold. In the meantime, I’m learning to walk again.

In the back of my mind is a pilgrimage to Bristow Oklahoma-to search for unloved and abandoned Scotty’s, and of course, the faint hope that someday I will run across my own first Scotty. But I doubt I would even recognize it.

Change Management

I told Uncle John and I told my parents and their reaction was confirmation enough that I did the right thing. It is the thing that is needed right now.

My friends Jay and Sue are moving to Florida in about the same time period-we're all about the same age and we love to navel gaze and second guess ourselves. And underlying all our angast is Is this the right decision? Am I screwing up?

But I got some good thoughts on my 4 hour medidiation (drive along I 35 to Oklahoma City). First a rebellious thought-So what if we screwed up? It's our screw up and we'll fix it. Then a flash of reality-this is just another in a series of "final answers". We always think our current decision is going to be our last one-probably something we tell ourselves to keep us from freaking out completely.

This morning, whilst heating my burrito-came an even bigger insight. For both of us, if Oklahoma and Florida are wrong, we wouldn't come back HERE. Maybe that's how you know where home is-home is the place you'd go back to if your current location turned out to be a bust.